I understand that, but e9s are kind of weird: we ALL say we don't have any anger issues, that we aren't afraid of anger, etc. The trick is looking at your typical reactions. E.g., do you let an issue go until it's far too late to deal with it, and then you're angry because it hasn't been dealt with?
Kind of like your thread title: an e9 eventually realized, "Holy shiz, I really DO do that ..."
My main point is that it's not an EASY question. The instinctive answer is often not the correct answer: there is an unconscious behavior/reaction that feels like it happens TO YOU, when it is really something caused BY YOU (however indirectly).
[MENTION=9310]uumlau[/MENTION]! I've been trying to put the bolded into words for some time now re my e9 gf and some things I've been seeing and she's been surfacing and discussing with me. Specifically, that switch from BY YOU (reality) versus TO YOU (illusion).
Question for you: is this shift of responsibility/attribution specifically an e9 thing, do you think? If so why do you think it happens (what is it about the e9 state that underlies this). If not, are there any specific ways that it would show up in an e9 that would be particularly flavored by that type? I would be most grateful to you for any insight you might have on this point. (and [MENTION=5418]Lady_X[/MENTION] I don't want to hijack your thread so please feel free to let me know if I should take this line of inquiry elsewhere),
I look at it more as finding the few key items that are essential to the type, as opposed to the "personality traits" which are kind of extraneous. For instance, an essential feature of e9 is wanting a peaceful state of mind. An inessential feature is wanting to "make peace" between other parties. Making peace is just one of a multitude of ways that an e9 might react to conflict, along with simply avoiding the conflict.
From what I've seen, this is a crucial distinction - that an essential e9 feature is wanting to be in that state that the 9 will name as
inner peace or something along those lines. And that the inessential part of "making peace" externally is only one possible strategy to try to get that inner peace. That makes so much sense and shows why it's useful to separate the essential from the inessential pieces (and speaking as a 6, we have so many different strategies, some of which are contradictory to each other, to try to get that illusion-security state that these kinds of distinctions become even more crucial. But the essential/inessential distinction seems important for the 9 too IMO)
do you think a lot of villains and people who turned "evil" started out as 9?
No I do not. Absolutely not. I don't think villian-ness and/or evil can be traced to any one particular enneagram (or other) type.
I feel like that road leads into the dysfunctional stereotyping I see all too often on this site. That said, I do know that you in particular, prpl, are not coming from a dysfunctional place in asking that question, you're just literally asking it because it occurred to you. Still, it can feed the fire of dysfunction which is way to hot here on the site as it is IMO. I hope that makes sense.
sometimes I feel like a villain because i'm a lot more cynical and feel more evil than I did as a kid. I thought I was gonna solve world hunger and that people were inherently good (still something I delude myself into believing from time to time), was gonna time travel help nazi prisoners (the ones in the camps) escape than travel further back and help slaves escape. of course none of that happened and unfortunately don't have such a power. now I just get angry when people yell at the clerk in the store over something the clerk has no control over, and i hope the customer gets kicked in the head or something.
I'm confused by the rest of your comment about yourself. Meaning: you start out asking about 9s, then describe your own experiences and - aren't you a six? What's the connection you're seeing here?