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I was raised by a family that I *think* are all Fi dominant (some are for certain), and I test rather high on that function (likely as a result). Certain differences come out during conflict. Fi is empathetic, but from a specific vantage point. It seems to have a somewhat constructed concept of the subjective world with strong opinions about it. It has arrived at certain conclusions that fit its model. The empathy is quite strong for those things that fit into its model, but for those things that fall outside, there can be breaks in the empathy. I think the difficulty in describing Fi results from the way a subjective model of the world is constructed based on so much nuance and those things which defy measurement. Fi can produce some of the gentlest, kindest people, but these are sometimes people for whom admitting a flaw or some way in which they have not measured up to their ideal is especially traumatic. When something conflicts with that model of the world it is sometimes emotionally necessary for Fi to lash out.
edit: Maybe I should ask: I understand that F and T dominants are considered the "rationalists" with constructed inner world views while N and S are the irrationalists with a less structured inner world. Is this correct? if not then my Fi bit would apply more to Ni I think. I'm actually a little confused on the subject not being certain if I am Fi or Ni dominant myself, but noting a difference in the way myself and some of the people close to me structure their inner worlds.
Great points.
Yes, F and T are both "J" functions--they construct a structured, organized model that is used to judge themselves and the world around them.
Because the model is structured and fairly rigorous, there occur anomalies like you mentioned. The model is rather inflexible, so it misses some things (for example I'm usually polite but rarely courteous) and gets injured or stressed by others. When others violate the principles of the model, I may lash out or I may simply dismiss the other--I may decide that the other person is no longer part of my world.
Like you said, it's traumatic when I myself can't live up to the model. So over time I've built a lot of cynicism and selfishness into the model just to keep it workable and applicable to the real world and my own capabilities. Otherwise the model can turn into a straitjacket and make action or interaction impossible, leading to a lot of frustration and anger.