I would tell other people the same thing, but I'd also tell them that I'm deeply conscious of the fact that I do it myself.
As to the reasons: I deeply dislike people telling me what is and isn't part of me, which is essentially what doubting my sincerity amounts to. If I said it, it IS part of me so doubting feels like rejection, and I'm very sensitive to rejection.
As for carrying other people's burdens, yes, I'm conscious of the fact that I can't and shouldn't control what other people think and it helps a lot in dealing with situations when my immediate impulse is to react very emotionally. I can usually step back and say, "Well, it's your prerogative to believe that but I stand by what I said and I think you should consider it."
Welcome to what it's like being an Fe-user and even more, an SJ, around here everyday.
This is not a normal reaction for me, but I don't have the endurance to argue and be in conflict constantly.
It does? Never been chased around the block by someone wielding a Fi-frying pan? So...painful...yes. but it also minds its own business
I have a really high Fi, and I would consider my values anything but self centered. As a matter of fact they are probably the mostly logically objective, tried, true, fair, and consistent ideas that have been stored in my thought process.
In a manner of speaking Fi is self-centered, because the only thing one can perceive is one's own emotions, and so empathy is exhibited as an intellectual exercise of 'how would that make me feel'. So this system of empathy is not really related to the feelings of others but the projection of the self's feelings on others; which can be described as self-centered, however I think you'll find Fi users are far more accommodating and sympathetic than Fe users, as the saying goes, Do for others as you would have done unto you- is characteristic of Fi and not Fe.
Interesting. Perhaps I was too quick to extrapolate from personal opinions and interpretations. I still do think though that there's a cult of individualism in society today that extolls self-centredness (what a horrible word) to some degree.
For what it's worth, the idea of being fake or being called fake sets my teeth on edge, whereas I have been called selfish several times without feeling similarly extreme reactions. While being perceived as selfish is a sobering thing to think about, it's something I usually acknowledge and work on trying to fix. On the other hand, I remember times when people have accused me of saying something just for the sake of being polite or have questioned the sincerity of my motives. I don't get mad very often but comments like that invariably make me see red. So whereas I perceive selfishness as something that can certainly be worked on and amended without being antithetical to my being, being fake ... I can't really see a cure for that, because it's as though you've already made a pact with yourself deciding that honesty isn't enough. That's just my two cents anyway.
100% true, but if you are lucky to be important enough to the Fi user he just might sacrifice being selfish for your good or if it makes the Fi user feel like crap if he wrongs you to gain for himself, usually with the latter they tend to be selfish first, because they forgot to include others and afterwards feel like they did something wrong. bit if you afe important enough for you, they might even put your needs over theirs.
INFPs seem to forget to include others more than their E version.
I think Fi is individual centered, that individual may or may not be ourself at any given time.
In the spirit of the Fe Fakeness thread...
It has recently been mentioned that Fi is self-centered. Do you believe this statement to be true?
. So whereas I perceive selfishness as something that can certainly be worked on and amended without being antithetical to my being, being fake ... I can't really see a cure for that, because it's as though you've already made a pact with yourself deciding that honesty isn't enough. That's just my two cents anyway.
Same here. I've had people say all sorts of nasty things about me but nothing makes me go ballistic like being accused of being insincere. I guess sincerity is like the last bastion for me.For what it's worth, the idea of being fake or being called fake sets my teeth on edge, whereas I have been called selfish several times without feeling similarly extreme reactions. While being perceived as selfish is a sobering thing to think about, it's something I usually acknowledge and work on trying to fix. On the other hand, I remember times when people have accused me of saying something just for the sake of being polite or have questioned the sincerity of my motives. I don't get mad very often but comments like that invariably make me see red. So whereas I perceive selfishness as something that can certainly be worked on and amended without being antithetical to my being, being fake ... I can't really see a cure for that, because it's as though you've already made a pact with yourself deciding that honesty isn't enough. That's just my two cents anyway.
But I would agree with this too. Politeness and respect for others are also important to me. Fi users don't necessarily value brutal honesty above conscientiousness. I guess the perception for us is that Fi-users hold back inappropriate feelings, whereas Fe-users pretend to feel something else entirely. Perhaps this is simply because Fe-users have a higher threshold for what constitutes "civility", than we do.Believe me, I don't want to be fake either. I think it's just, some people think that any attempt to smooth things socially, or to be civil to someone you don't like, or whatever, is "fake". And I have no problem with those things. I don't seen the point in running around being emotionally naked all the time; it feels uncomfortable to me and I think it causes problems. And even if you have good reason to dislike someone, why not be civil?
agreed i think and i wonder what role certain instincts play as well...it seems that my sxness makes me feel all merged and one with those i love so it's not putting their needs before mine but feeling theirs as my own....know what i mean?