Lady X is already on my train of thought here, and makes great points.
Some extra thoughts that pop to mind for me:
I don't believe that... Why would I say that? Who does that make feel better? It doesn't make me feel better, and it probably doesn't make her feel better. uggh. The thought of those words coming out of my mouth disgusts me. Terrible advice. This thread is kind of disgusting me right now. What kind of a moron does that stuff even work on?
(I'm open with my feelings here. Are either of us really any better off because I expressed them? Incidentally, this entire issue was why I didn't think this person was relationship material. )
I've got no problem with you expressing your thoughts. And yes, I would say we are better off. If we don't discuss your reaction to my post, how can I best provide counsel and resolve a potential impasse between us? Yes, we are doing fine. It's called communicating.
Plus, I grew up with an INTP brother - your judgments here don't startle me, you can be as Ti cranky as you like. If you imagine you're the only person in the world with these unfriendly, uncharitable thoughts against others though, think again.
My advice is excellent advice IF you tailor it to your voice. I should have been explicit to say so. There was nothing in my suggestion that said, "Lie to her when expressing your truth." My sentence was mostly a paraphrase of the gist behind your very own words. Just put it back into your voice, with a dash at least of grace and gentlemanliness. I'm not saying be disingenuous in any way if that's not your desire.
It's the pals and friends thing that bothers me.
ok, so there's the hot button. As I said above, you use your own words ... I'm not saying you LIE to her if you don't want to be friends. Of course, you should ironically realize that saying you would like to be friends is no more a lie than you sitting there going through the motions on your date and expecting her to pretend she doesn't notice.
You're a fascinating contradiction ... you want authenticity yet you duck and hide from the implications of authenticity, both in yourself and others. Authenticity does not come in only one form. Does recognizing it in others make you feel like you're not doing a very good job at it yourself?
Most guys hate hearing that. There are probably some super-progressive guys that at least say they don't mind (and maybe they don't... how would I know?), but the vast majority of us.... you didn't make us feel any better by doing that. I could start a poll on this, but I already know what the results would be.
I agree, you're right about that.
Which ties into my OP about how Fi can be awkward.
Sure, Fi can be awkward but no more awkward than any other human being attempting to communicate with another human being who doesn't share the same wiring trying to find common ground. Fi is awkward
to you because you experience uncomfortable emotions when faced with it. YOU own those emotions. I don't. She doesn't. And that's ok. Ya, you find it icky, but it's normal. Just because you're an INTP doesn't mean you don't have to face the reality of what to do with your emotions, how to best process them and interpret them in your life.
I said something like.. "I don't see it working... I just don't think we're compatible. It wasn't any specific thing you said, it's just that I don't think it's going to work out. You seem like a good person, so I don't like having to say that. " That's not a white lie, it's the truth.
So there you go. When did you say this, after she asked you "What's wrong?" Or was this your texting?