I believe socionics INTP = INTJ.
If he's an SJ with F-dom...leave now. Run while you still have the strength! I'm just kidding.
If he really is a XSFJ, then you are going to run into issues like this quite frequently. I've never met any SJ with a T-dom that were emotionally manipulative...they just don't do that sort of thing. They are way too straightforward for that kind of business and it wouldn't even occur to them.
Here are some things that can snag: The love of debate may taken as a personal attack. Wanting someone to explain their reasoning or views on something may be construed as interrogation. If you are lucky, you can explain that this is just the way your mind operates and it is not personal--this is simply the way you reach an understanding of something AND that understanding something is vital to you. Hopefully, he will understand and you can reach a compromise without you getting frustrated and him taking things personally.
Edit: Yes, this does help but it seems to be more useful for XSTJ. Works well with ENTJs, too. My ex is an ESFJ and it often seemed like he had an emotional attachment to doing things in a particular way and would take my attempts at innovation or not doing it 'his way' very personally. I had to explain that it came naturally to me and that I enjoyed it.
It is a workable relationship...any type can be with any other type but you're going to have be aware of where the potential pitfalls are and the both of you willing to compromise. The emotional maturity of you both will play a large part of this.
Haha. I speculate my relationship with SFJ's may have something to do with my father. It may be unconscious.
I'm not sure about his F/T, honestly. His results always vary from ENTJ, ESTJ, ISFJ to ENFJ. It's quite bizarre. If anyone is interested in figuring out his type I'll provide some bit of information:
-He's confident and self assured in almost everything he deals with. Very humorous, funny, jovial, blunt, crude, and a bit obnoxious at times.
-He likes things planned and structured
-He does not talk about emotions, but he likes to be physically affectionate
-He's always preoccupied with some project, or in the general, always has to be doing something.
-He is sensitive when it comes to emotions. He does not like conflict or confrontation.
-He can be extremely logical and systematic.
-He can delve into abstract conversations, but at some point, he shuts off and can't go beyond that or is simply not interested.
-Whenever I observe him around people, he gets energized, his voice elevates, and I sense that he's trying to "dominate" the conversation.
-Even though he enjoys being around his friends, he likes to have his alone time, mostly socializing on the internet, being part of a forum community with his hobbies, or playing video games with his friends.
-He dislikes anything "pretentious"
-He's very nurturing in terms of "taking care of things" and he pays attention to people's feelings. For instance, if his friend requests his time, he feels "bad" if he declined. It's a "promise" in his eyes. In other ways, he goes out of his way to accommodate based on his principles.
-When we debate, we're fine, he just quickly shuts off.
-When we're in a discussion about our relationship, he feels I'm personally attacking him when I'm trying to be objective. He treats me like I'm an enemy, it's bizarre. He can go into a fit or rage and be irrational in my eyes. He'll blow things out of proportion.
In terms of our relationship, he wants me to do things with him, go out with his friends or just activities 1 on 1. I'm very much at home just reading, studying and thinking. When I enter a social event with him, I'm a bit cool headed and detached. He perceives this as "not trying enough", but says it's fine if it's just who I am. EDIT: However, he's still very much at home, as well. He just likes doing things with me.