Oh yeah! It was about non-intervetion, freewill, that sorta jive. How NT's totally value it and possibly the ENTP most of all. And how it might be seen as being like, one thing to tweak something to make it better after rational and objective thought - so you're not doing it for you, but for the thing itself. I mean of course passion is there to motivate you to want to make things better in the first place, but it's indirect and general passion... hmm, hard to describe this, but I'm trying...
But it's another thing totally to risk something happening or changing COMPLETELY as a result of your own subjective feelings. That's like, anathema.
So like, you tell someone how you feel - are they gonna feel obligated? You know they're completely not, not at all, but you know from experience that people do FEEL like they are. They've got to make a decision about how to react. Their next action is going to be ENORMOUSLY influenced by MY feelings as they perceive them. They have been put in a position, a state of being, entirely by my feelings.
Holy shit, that's terrible! That's blackmail! I can't do that in such a direct way! I mean I can show them through actions and non-verbal communication that I care about them, and dammit they should notice that and it should make it obvious how I feel. But because it's not shoving it in their faces, they can feel more free to respond honestly, authentically.
But if I shove it in their face like that, how will I ever know how much of what happened next sprang authentically from who they are, and how much was directly caused by my feelings? I can never know. And then, if I tell them that's how I'm feeling - well, it'll just start a neverending chain of actions and words they're choosing because of my feelings. This microworld here will start to spiral into revolving around my feelings!
NoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!
And I guess, when I'm being pressured to come up with those emotional goods out in the open like that, all that subconscious shit is going on that's so full of fear and apprenehsion... but I can't show that either... what else is that going to produce in the conscious mind but laughter? So, like the devil that can't stand to be mocked, I laugh it away. And if you keep on at me, then the resultant frustration and acute exasperation with the situation is bound to turn into anger. And hence:
Fine! I love you, okay? Are you happy now that you've reduced me to a worm in my own sight, manipulating the world and altering people's behaviour according to my own subjective and selfish desires and needs? Now I've got to go and drown myself in alcohol so I can distance myself from all the shit you've just landed me in inside my head, and figure out a way to believe that however you behave to me next time I see you will be what you would've done anyway even if I hadn't told you. You've RUINED it! :steam:
Purity... purity of action, of integrity, of motive, of thought and action, of authenticity... it's like the ENTP grail. The other one, besides the one I mentioned before that I can't remember right now. I just CAN'T go around doing things 'for me'. Can't do it, nuh-uh. You can't make me, I shan't do it. Shan't, you hear me?