Esoteric Wench
Professional Trickster
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2009
- Messages
- 945
- MBTI Type
- ENFP
- Enneagram
- 7w8
Hold up your hand if you’ve ever heard one of these complaints about an ENFP…
Nonetheless, it does seem that there is a lot of confusion among those who know and love ENFPs on interpreting how emotionally invested an ENFP is in any given social interaction. In my not so humble opinion, all these misunderstandings have to do with Introverted Feeling (Fi) which is an ENFP’s second (or auxiliary) function.
I think Satine, at the start of the ENFP Common Issues Thread does a very good job explaining why Fi is at the source of a lot of these misunderstandings:
ENFPs are genuinely interested in people from all walks of life. They love to get to know people and can make others feel at ease and feel a sense of emotional intimacy almost instantly. This sense of intimacy is facilitated by their auxiliary Fi function that immediately jumps to the emotional essence of the conversation / other person. HOWEVER, this does NOT equate to the ENFP investing themselves in the relationship. Thus, I think this is the source of a lot of misunderstanding for ENFPs. To the untrained eye, the ENFP will appear more emotionally intimate than they really are.
So how can you, the outside observer, know if an ENFP is really invested in a relationship?
Passive Versus Active Fi
Learn to recognize passive versus active Fi in an ENFP. If ENFPs can connect with others without Fi self-disclosure in some circumstances and with Fi self-disclosure in others, then there are at least two ways ENFPs express their Fi. I call them Passive and Active akin to passive and active voice sentences.
I’d love to hear from ENFPs and non-ENFPs if this rings true for them. Most importantly, if anyone has any tips on how to recognize passive vs. active Fi from the outsider’s point of view, this would be most appreciated. I think it would quell a lot of ENFP/non-ENFP misunderstandings.
- This ENFP lead me on. I thought he was more into me than he really was.
- That ENFP was just trying to get my attention so I ignored her.
- ENFPs are shameless flirts… the lot of them.
- You can’t trust ENFPs because they make you think they like you more than they do.
Nonetheless, it does seem that there is a lot of confusion among those who know and love ENFPs on interpreting how emotionally invested an ENFP is in any given social interaction. In my not so humble opinion, all these misunderstandings have to do with Introverted Feeling (Fi) which is an ENFP’s second (or auxiliary) function.
ENFP’s Cognitive Function Hierarchy = Ne > Fi > Te > Si
2)Heart on the sleeve. ENFPs connect through Fi and Fi usually doesn't waste time getting to know someone. It jumps to the intimate part of the conversation as that is who the person *really* is… which is what is relevant to Fi. And that tends to either go over extremely well, to the point where people just end up telling them their life stories and childhood trauma's or... really badly, as people just consider it rude, inappropriate and impolite, not to mention wayyy too intense.
3) Flirting. Due to the ENFP tendency to jump right to the intimate part of the relationship … ENFPs are often perceived to be big flirts when they're actually just genuinely intrigued by people…
5) Attention whoring. Most ENFPs… tend to experience things very profoundly, and they wear their hearts on their sleeves. The expression of these things can be perceived as an act of attention whoring…
7) Leading people on. As ENFPs tend to share intimate details easily with others and often have others reciprocate, a misunderstanding can arise between the two people in that relationship as to the status of the other person… This often leaves the other partner feeling hurt and rejected… it can give the illusion of a stronger bond than was intended by the ENFP.
ENFPs are genuinely interested in people from all walks of life. They love to get to know people and can make others feel at ease and feel a sense of emotional intimacy almost instantly. This sense of intimacy is facilitated by their auxiliary Fi function that immediately jumps to the emotional essence of the conversation / other person. HOWEVER, this does NOT equate to the ENFP investing themselves in the relationship. Thus, I think this is the source of a lot of misunderstanding for ENFPs. To the untrained eye, the ENFP will appear more emotionally intimate than they really are.
So how can you, the outside observer, know if an ENFP is really invested in a relationship?
Passive Versus Active Fi
Learn to recognize passive versus active Fi in an ENFP. If ENFPs can connect with others without Fi self-disclosure in some circumstances and with Fi self-disclosure in others, then there are at least two ways ENFPs express their Fi. I call them Passive and Active akin to passive and active voice sentences.
- Passive Fi – When Fi is in Passive Fi-mode, the other person defines the level of intimacy of the conversation. This is Fi’s resting state… to connect with other people in a manner that is emotionally comfortable for the other person. Fi’s wants and needs are not a factor when Fi is in passive mode. Instead, the focus is on the other person.
- Active Fi – When Fi is in Active Fi-mode, the Fi-user takes control and defines the level of intimacy between the two conversation partners. This occurs when the Fi-user discloses their most intimate thoughts and feelings. The other person’s wants and needs are not a factor when Fi is in active mode. Instead, the focus in on the needs of the Fi-user.
I’d love to hear from ENFPs and non-ENFPs if this rings true for them. Most importantly, if anyone has any tips on how to recognize passive vs. active Fi from the outsider’s point of view, this would be most appreciated. I think it would quell a lot of ENFP/non-ENFP misunderstandings.