the enneagram makes me uncomfortable. i assume that this is because i have not found my place in it - i have this idea that maybe one day i will suddenly realize what number, wing, tritype and stacking i am and everything will "click" - much as it did with the MBTI, upon a couple members pointing out that [i was an ENFP, duh].
the difference that i don't like between the MBTI and enneagram is that with the MBTI, i chose these tendencies - i think like a Ne dom ; i judge like a Fi aux - and then i sort of get to determine for myself how that impacts me. as it happens, i feel similar to a lot of ENFPs about a lot of things, but the MBTI doesn't entail so many restrictions. like, here's my problem with the enneagram -
1 - rigid, uncompromising, serious, active, organized, dutiful, honest (fixation - on being corrupt) instinctual - anger
2 - helpful, warm, manipulative, inviting, caring, generous, needy (fixation - on being unwanted) emotional - sadness
3 - driven, ambitious, outgoing, charismatic, narcissistic, successful, image-aware (fixation - on being worthless) emotional - sadness
4 - creative, introspective, authentic, melancholy, individual, aristocratic, aesthetic (fixation - on being flawed) emotional - sadness
5 - observant, logical, critical, intellectual, withrdrawn, restrained, cerebral (fixation - on being incompetent) intellectual - anxiety
6 - responsible, aware, suspicious, courageous, defensive, protective, challenging (fixation - on being abandoned) intellectual - anxiety
7 - enthusiastic, scattered, spontaneous, flighty, optimistic, distracted, curious (fixation - on being deprived) intellectual - anxiety
8 - decisive, powerful, direct, assertive, confident, confrontational, aggressive (fixation - on being powerless) instinctual - anger
9 - content, accepting, steady, trusting, complacent, escapist, grounded (fixation - on being lost) instinctual - anger
okay. so. that's a lot to deal with. a lot a lot. the MBTI is so much easier for me because it deals with dichotomies. are you more thinking or feeling? F. do you apply that internally or externally? i. are you more intuitive or sensing? N. do you apply that internally or externally? e. awesome. are you more intuitive or feeling? N. great, there's your type.
the enneagram seems like it boxes so much in. looking at that list of adjectives (just compiled it off the top of my head), i'm a 7. i'm also mainly anxiety-driven, yes. but core fixation, of being deprived? curious. i've never really sensed that. i've read elsewhere that 7s seek to escape pain. well... i mean, yeah, i don't like pain, but that's kind of the whole point of pain. you're not supposed to like it. i think my drive is much more of a 3 or 5 drive - fear of worthlessness and incompetence. okay, so what if i'm not a 7? maybe i'm a 3. but no way - i don't look at all like a 3. i'm way too lazy. can't block out emotions worth shit either. 5? no. i'm emotional and engaging. i'm not much one for watching on the sidelines. 4? close, i guess, but still no.
i have no sense of being any more flawed or any more special than everyone else.
to me, all these things don't line up. i relate to a lot of problems on that list because i think at a core level all of those fears and fixations are essentially the same. we all want to be good/whole/happy/safe.