Specify "annoying" for me; I'm not offended, I just want to see if there's anything I can take away from an outside observation of another ENFJ.
Oh, well that's a different friend, and I just meant that he has flaws like anyone else, but overall, he has been a good friend. Interestingly, he moved far away when we were kids and yet he's hung onto our friendship and still asserts to everyone that we are very close. I don't think I've met anyone who is quite so fiercely loyal to his friends, and I greatly appreciate that. This is the side of ENFJs that I really like. The problem is when they won't let go, but they also won't allow it to grow or end naturally. I don't have much use for friendly acquaintances...
You just have to be tricky cuz otherwise they will
or throw some sort of fit and think you are the
lol jk, but it's kinda true.
Tell me about it
Just curious, how did this exchange occur? Was this on the phone or through texts, emails, facebook? I'm just wondering if something was lost in the translation even if you made it clear you were joking. I figure there's always a reason why a person reacted the way they did.
I really hate how people boil Fe down to simple shit like birthdays. To me, it sounds like he's responding to something else, maybe the distance that has settled into your relationship?
It was an email thing, so yes, possible meaning could've been lost in translation. I'm not a phone person and I mostly avoid talking on the phone.
I agree this isn't about the actual b-day. That's why I made the thread. Obviously, he attaches some symbolism to these things, and that's evident by the fact that I got scolded and someone else didn't for the exact same blunder. Unless I took the hit for everyone, which is very possible.
Also you said you feel like you're on the back burner, but why is this? Do you feel like your efforts to keep the friendship going have been ignored?
The reason I feel I am "on the back burner" is because in the past we would have real conversations, but now it's been reduced to brief exchanges and quipping. That's cute, but that gets old for me. I have no interest in sustaining a relationship based on that. This is probably an I / E difference. I have a few close friends, and everyone else is a stranger unless they can work their way in & stay there. It feels like going back to square one every time we interact otherwise, and I admit my goal in life is to connect deeply with people. But I don't have it in me to just coldly cut someone off, and I do genuinely like him as a friend. What he doesn't respond to are my efforts to go beyond surface conversation. I'm not talking confessional stuff, but just talking about
anything indepth.
You're better than me because I don't think I would've sent anything if that's the direction things were headed and I didn't feel there was any reciprocal effort to keep things going.
He always sends me a note for every holiday/b-day, so I felt I was the one reciprocating here. Otherwise, I would just ignore it.
Maybe I have a pretty nonchalant attitude about this kind of drifting that occurs within friendships. I'd rather not create the expectation of more when I know there's little chance there will be more. I expect that likable people will come in and out of my life, some will stick, some won't and hopefully we'll mutually enjoy each other for the time. I'm pretty hail fellow, well met in this respect.
I don't consider most people more than casual acquaintances. The only way I know not to make people think we're more than what we are is to be really formal and make very strict roles and discourage crossing the boundaries I've set up, but that's not very friendly and welcoming!
You know what, I agree with the attitude of accepting that people come & go. I have tried to let the friendship die a natural death, but then a few weeks go by and he's contacting me and smothering me with compliments & saying he misses hearing from me
. I don't know if you saw my later post in here where I said he pulls in the reigns when I create distance. My efforts amount to trying to let it die or make it grow, because I get a yo-yo emotional effect otherwise. As I said above, I have little use for casual acquaintances, and I think this is where I probably differ from him. He seems to enjoy having some legion of fans at his disposal....the dark, cult leader side of the ENFJ rearing its head I guess