I'm having a hard time figuring out whether I'm a 4 or a 9. Or a 6. lol
I know most here think I'm a 9 and I'm pretty sure it's in my tritype. But I don't often publicly show all the emotions that also make me think 4. I have the jealousy that goes along with it, primarily in close relationships, and I don't like it. And I think I'm so last because I care far far more about one-on-one interaction than groups, and don't particularly care about groups except for the potential for them to fulfill my sx needs. And there are sp things I've worried about since I was a kid (like being kidnapped, someone hiding in my house... maybe those are 6 things, and not sp, though...)
Actually 4 can be really emotionally expressive, a ton more than 9- its one of the things that they do. They, even though they are ashamed of them- there is this need to poke around with people and test waters- see if they might find the group or person who will finally understand and accept them. 9s are the ones who... deny emotions- act like everything is ok when it might not be. I mean. 4s can do that too- especially sp 4s- but they are more willing to... constantly tear themselves apart to understand themselves.
This is all sort of badly written but... at the end of the day... you be the type you feel fits best for you. And i dont think you should stop looking at orher possibilities- because self discovery and all- but at the end of the day... its your journey
I've only ever been able to repress my emotions when I was very depressed. Arguably though, the dead expression was not repression of my inner state at all. I control them, especially things like my anger, when I feel they are being or can be used against me to control me. But otherwise I can't repress at all and can only direct/control.
Otherwise, I am emotionally expressive and do tend to go into my negative emotions excessively at my worst but it's different from the way 4's are emotionally expressive. I think I inhabit a much larger space of the bored and somewhat brooding expression I have in most of my pics. I also can't Express soft and what I would consider truly vulnerable emotions. Like enthusiasm, I can't express that too well but 4's, even the w5 ones seem like they can with less road blocks so to speak. My emotions are all colored by anger so that's why they are so intense.
When I am around 4's, I feel so callous and harsh in comparison. Because they seem capable of a softness I feel I cannot reach. Their relationship with emotion seems far more fine grain and intellectual. Mine seems destructive and guttural in comparison. Although I know they are not wimps or anything because it would be insulting to imply that (not to mention grossly inaccurate in some cases), I always feel like it's best for me to interact with them as a 9 and not go into counterphobia or my baby 8 wing the way I do with 6's, who I believe to be the most insensitive of all types at their worst but the most compassionate for the defenseless at their best. Because I feel like the 4 already has such a difficult time just being in the world that it feels really messed up if I act callously with them. Insensitive and emotionally unintelligent.
My experience with 6's in my life has made me feel as if they too push away their negative emotions on the usual. Only, unlike 9's who don't really want to impose, they can't handle other people's negative emotions either. But I may be biased of course.
Anyway, I think 9's can do things like go toward negative emotion and be emotional if those things help them numb to other emotions/things or if they're expressed through/rooted in anger.
Personally, I don't relate to any other e9 here and I never have, but I don't relate to any 4, or 6 here either and I never have. So I don't know what that says about my personality but I'm sure its something. I also don't know why I generally tend to attempt to figure out why I feel the way I do, am the way I am, etc. But I suppose I could attribute it to a weird form of avoidance of other things and e9 "seeking".
Regardless, I hope some of this was useful to you and not purely self-absorbed of me. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask Lum.