I totally hear you regarding how poignant isolation and aloneness can feel; how one can be and feel very isolated from their peers, find lack of commonalities, have difficulties finding or having a sense of community, feeling 'different' from others, not easily able to integrate.
I think the challenge though is that each and every single person can feel this way. It is just that the specific cause of feeling of isolation for highly abstract N's will be different from those of non-highly-abstract people.
I think Enneagram 4 is a strong component for feeling different from the norm, of the judging functions I think Fi is the most isolated from the norm, of the perceiving functions, I think Ni is the most off from the norm. Based on how
Jung describes Ni, I don't see a lot of people wanting a conversation or a connection with such a person. The Ni-dom has to conform to connect the majority of the time.
Jung on Ni said:
But the crank contents himself with the intuition by which he himself is shaped and determined. Intensification of intuition naturally often results in an extraordinary aloofness of the individual from tangible reality; he may even become a complete enigma to his own immediate circle.
I do agree there are inherent differences between every person, and there are scales of various traits; some people are more engaging, others less so, some people highly intelligent, others less so, some people highly empathetic, others less so, some people loving to work with their hands, others less so. And the list goes on and on. And for each of these traits, people might feel deeply ostracized or misunderstood or 'alone'. Yes, N's such as you describe have a unique form of feeling alone, but I think any pushback you are getting is due to the fact that every single person can feel this way.
I believe that existential isolation is a real thing - that we can continually move towards connecting with others, but that ultimately each individual is unknowable.
However I agree with you, it is easy to observe and think that some sorts of people have it 'easier' than others in this context -- ie the people who have an interest that tons and tons of other people share. Maybe that's true. But, I don't think the interest element is clearly an N/S thing (not sure you're saying that either).
I was talking about two categories that overlap, but my communication was misunderstood, and I've been trying to figure out if there is a way I can clarify, or if it is just better to let it go. My purpose was to help the OP person feel less isolated not to make Sensors on the forum feel judged. Anyone present on this forum enjoys talking about theory by the very nature of this activity, so the activities I listed were designed to likely resonate with the frustration an INTJ might feel, rather than saying every Sensor scrapbooks. I'm actually really confused by this thread, and am trying to figure out how to word things so people don't think I'm drawing absurd conclusions like that.
Edit: Okay, I realized how to say a big part of the confusion. Whenever people express a negative experience directed at another category, there seems to be an assumption that it nullifies anyone else's pain. This happens in the feminism threads where if a woman says they experience something difficult from men, there is this automatic assumption that men always have it easy and never have pain. When a iNtuitive expresses isolation from Sensors, there is an automatic assumption that it means Sensors never feel pain of isolation. Why is that assumption connected? Just because one person experiences a certain kind of pain, it doesn't mean that no one else does. Of course there are different ways that people feel isolated. There isn't one thing that isolates and either you have it or you don't, but that doesn't mean there isn't a dynamic happening that causes legitimate pain. It almost always feels like expressions of pain are treated like hot potato game where only one person gets to have a valid expression, so if someone else says it, then it automatically invalidates everyone else. I do not understand that assumption, but I see it play out very often. /edit
I was, objectively, probably one of the most 'alone' people in my junior high and high school class (I couldn't comprehend how and why everyone was the way they were and why they treated everyone like they were, I observed my peers and what they said and did to one another and became afraid of them), but much of that was due to my own self fulfulling thoughts (similar to OP -- believing myself to be inherently 'other' than other people) and fears of others. And, my interests are still nothing close to the norm. I still struggle greatly with community / feeling I really fit in well. But the difference is that now I don't actually think that's the case, any more than anyone else.
But yeah, I hear you on feeling intrinsically different from other people in terms of one or more trait, and the power that can have if you allow it to.
I never had a close friend throughout junior high and high school and spent almost all of my time alone, and a sense of isolation was the driving force in my life. My best friend was a tree for many years until lightening struck it and it was all broken.
(completely true but also meant as a joke)
(Also in closing -- I always love to use my ISTJ mom as an example, because although on the surface you could say she shares many common interests with people, and she has joined various church group things, when you talk to her in person she is often anxious and feels very different from other people; she has always struggled with this)
I think my boyfriend is an iNtuitive (although I can't figure out if he's INFJ or ENFP), but most of the friends now are Sensors and the two I keep in touch with because they have some really hard things in their lives are IS?Js. I did share some of my crazy internal perceptions with one, and she shared part of it as well. There is a retired ESFP lady I occasionally have lunch with, and I admire her ability to give people very specific compliments based on her keen observations.
My boyfriend's parents are *extremely* concrete and only talk about movies watched, shopping centers being built, and work to be done on the house and yard. It's a strange feeling when interacting and I mostly hide everything about myself, but do try to positive and helpful. They would never be curious about a site like this. During the years I was in church, there was a lot of that feeling of complete concreteness in people. However, I'm not putting it down because some super concrete people do a tremendous amount of good in the world providing food and clothes for the needy, etc. But I don't think they are interested in my internal world, and I don't expect them to be. If you are only around people who don't want to connect with you unless you conform to their requirements, then you will feel isolated.
It's funny, but when I started writing about feelings and experiences in my blog that are the part of myself I feel is outside the norm, you are about the only person to respond. I mostly expected to isolate myself by doing that.
