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Thread: Ask an ESFJ

  1. #31
    Blind Guardian Haven's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post

    Do you feel like you experience some prejudice or condescension from other people online when they see your listed type? Specifically INTs since they seem to be the ones that harbor the most frustration towards ESFJs.
    I try to see it from their perspective, I've run afoul of other esfjs too and it's not fun. In some cases it can seem like the "first world problems" of interpersonal conflict, like complaints of being too nice, too social, too loving, too attentive, not acting exactly how they wanted. I can see how it can be sorta bad, but still I think it's far from the worst.

    @chubber yes needed
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  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by thoughtlost View Post
    How do you feel/behave around people you know (or believe) can never truly be your friend, but they treat your nicely because they probably think they are your friend?
    If someone is nice/kind to me, I try to return that kindness. Being kind doesn't mean we have to be friends. If I don't want to become close to someone, I won't.

    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    What do ESFJs think about INTJs?
    My boyfriend is an INTJ. Most of the time, we get on quite well together. Sometimes I find his stubbornness frustrating, sometimes I find his lack of extroverted feeling confusing, but overall I respect his different perspective on things and I often find his outlook refreshing. I think if we weren't dating we could still have been friends just fine.

    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    ESFJs, do you consider yourself superstitious?
    Maybe when I was younger? But now, not so much.

    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    Are you guys heavy on gender roles?
    I can't speak for all ESFJs, but gender roles aren't really an issue for me. A male nurse can be just as good at his job as a female one. Men make great cooks, and lesbian families can raise children just fine.

    Quote Originally Posted by thoughtlost View Post
    ....I also want to ask: What's your inner world truly like?
    I have a very active imagination.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    How do you feel about people who think that ESFJs have no individual opinions or beliefs of their own and that they are 100% conformist?
    Makes me angry, but close-minded ignorant opinions usually do.

    Quote Originally Posted by CapLawyer View Post
    Do you feel it necessary to impose your beliefs on others, or why do you feel the need to so frequently impose your beliefs? That's the thing that annoys me about ESFJs. They think they are right, they think things should go their way, and they push their stuff onto other people. It would be great if you could provide some insight around that topic.
    I think with age, I've learned that what I see as helping someone out, they might see as overbearing. If a person comes to me and is upset, I try to just be the listening ear. Not everyone who is upset wants advice, sometimes they just want to blow steam.

    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    How do ESFJs feel about not being liked as much as the other popular types?
    I think it's ironic that on a public forum dedicated to learning about interacting with different personality types, ESFJs are ostracized. Especially considering stereotypically, "We're totally the ones that want to be your friend most!"

    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    ESFJs, what does Fe-dom mean to you?
    It means this person is more likely to have an emotional reaction to a situation, and that they are likely to make decisions based on how they feel about it.

    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    When you say valued, do you imply, felt needed?
    I tend to equate the two, yes.
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  3. #33
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    I never thought the day would come that we at TypoC would receive multiple active ESFJs each responding in unison!

    Now if only we could get the same phenomenon for all of the ESTJs, as they seem even less popular in Typology groups...

    So ESFJs, how do your leadership qualities differ from that of ESTJs?

  4. #34
    Honeyed Water thoughtlost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RaptorWizard View Post
    I never thought the day would come that we at TypoC would receive multiple active ESFJs each responding in unison!
    ^_^ ESFJs showing their sexiness *fans self*

    Edit: And how did you know you were ESFJ? What makes you question your Fe-domness, if you question it?
    You are so arbitrary.

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by RaptorWizard View Post
    I never thought the day would come that we at TypoC would receive multiple active ESFJs each responding in unison!
    Now if only we could get the same phenomenon for all of the ESTJs, as they seem even less popular in Typology groups...

    So ESFJs, how do your leadership qualities differ from that of ESTJs?
    Um, I think I'm a bit more patient and compassionate in leadership than an ESTJ. I'm also probably a lot less likely to get frustrated with everyone and just do it myself.

    Quote Originally Posted by thoughtlost View Post
    I mean, after you're done trying to appear normal and sane xDDD You may look one way to others, but when you're alone or away from any social influences, maybe you feel like a completely different person? ...idk. I realize that doesn't make sense lol. How about an example: So when you're at school you're super friendly and you seem jovial, but as soon as you get home and it's like that friendly person never even existed and a whole other you comes out. Does that happen to you?
    Ah, got it. Well, I think my roommates would attest the fact that I am essentially the person around others and them. Granted, I think your perception of an ESFJ might be this sugary sweet and giggly type friendly, and that's not me. I'm more sassy, sarcastic, and outgoing. I think when I get home I'm probably a bit more uninhibited regarding what I say, but I don't think there is any change in perspective or personality. I'm pretty comfortable being myself.

    Quote Originally Posted by CapLawyer View Post
    Do you feel it necessary to impose your beliefs on others, or why do you feel the need to so frequently impose your beliefs? That's the thing that annoys me about ESFJs. They think they are right, they think things should go their way, and they push their stuff onto other people. It would be great if you could provide some insight around that topic.
    I don't think I would have ever consciously answered "yes" to this question. But, if you had asked me a few years ago my actions probably would have said "yes." I live with two INFPs, an INTJ, and one of my good friends is an INTP. So, imposition of personal beliefs doesn't generally go over very well. However, if it's something safety or common sense related, then absolutely. I can deal with the annoyed looks sarcastic responses if my obnoxious will keep something bad from happening.
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  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by RaptorWizard View Post
    So ESFJs, how do your leadership qualities differ from that of ESTJs?
    My dad is an ESTJ, he never stops being the leader. As a father he has to be the alpha male of the family. If you do a job with him, he has to be the boss. You will always be the assistant. He feels he has the best ideas to get things done, and can only be out-convinced of this line of thinking if you bring a solid case to the table. In the end, he will take the credit. Even if you helped. Not sure if any of these are ESTJ patterns or just the way my dad is :P

    When I am the leader it's because I've been elected to be the leader by others. I don't consider myself boss of a project unless someone has told me I'm in charge. I like to talk to everyone to get their opinions and I like to weigh what I feel is the best approach to do something based on mutual decision and my own gut feeling. I will check in a lot, expect progress reports and will "ride your ass" to make sure everyone's deadlines are met and completed to standard. I am aware of my faults, and I welcome other perspectives. When the job is done I will say thank you and make sure everyone receives credit.


    Quote Originally Posted by thoughtlost View Post
    How did you know you were ESFJ? What makes you question your Fe-domness, if you question it?
    I took a test. My INTJ boyfriend helps to keep my Fe-dom in check. Sometimes he says I'll come home "like a force of nature" and start hurling feelings like hurricane winds. And he makes me stop, and address them, and then decide if they are valid or not given the evidence. Having been together for so long I'm more aware of when my feelings go overboard now and can deal with the 'logical cool down' process on my own. He has taught me well.
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  7. #37
    climb on Showbread's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thoughtlost View Post

    Edit: And how did you know you were ESFJ? What makes you question your Fe-domness, if you question it?
    I took a test, but got ExFJ. I've definitely never questioned my Fe-dom. I looooove to talk about feeling, mine and other peoples. Probably why I want to be therapist.

    But, I have questioned the S quite a bit. I think this is really due to some of the stereotypes that I have been exposed to on the forum. I became convinced that being a feminist who likes to plan for the future was incompatible with Si, which I now know isn't true.
    Friends, waffles, work

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  8. #38
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    @Haven seems to be closer to the type of ESFJ that I know, values harmony and more importantly sensitive to criticism. I wonder how far I am from getting my ass chewed off

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    @Haven seems to be closer to the type of ESFJ that I know, values harmony and more importantly sensitive to criticism. I wonder how far I am from getting my ass chewed off
    I am pretty sensitive to criticism, especially if it is regarding relationships or how I've treated others. Shame is generally my emotional response to being criticized.

    But, what I am even more sensitive too than criticism is exclusion. I hate to be left out. It always feels intentional, even when it isn't. This is something I have really had to work on. Constantly reminding myself it isn't always personal, sometimes it just happens.
    Friends, waffles, work

    "The problem is, when you depend on a substitute for love, you can never get enough" - Louis Cozolino

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  10. #40
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Showbread View Post
    I am pretty sensitive to criticism, especially if it is regarding relationships or how I've treated others. Shame is generally my emotional response to being criticized.

    But, what I am even more sensitive too than criticism is exclusion. I hate to be left out. It always feels intentional, even when it isn't. This is something I have really had to work on. Constantly reminding myself it isn't always personal, sometimes it just happens.
    That's new to me, I never picked up on that before. When you take a bathroom break, is it quick or do you take your time?

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