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  1. #11
    your resident asshole
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tea Party View Post
    That's because you're a T. The origins of prejudice are always emotion-based and never logic-based, so that's why I assume that Fs are much more prone to developing biases.
    Very true. Although my parents are very prejudiced and they both strike me as T's. :/ Actually, I'm not quite so sure about my mother...

    Quote Originally Posted by Mo View Post
    I believe that the OP wants to know how to deal with what they have recognised as a hurdle within themselves.

    Contrary to what some of the commenters may have perceived, they aren't simply using at as a crutch and stumbling blindly on.
    Methinks I should let someone useful carry on the conversation now.

  2. #12
    Member Tea Party's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mo View Post
    I believe that the OP wants to know how to deal with what they have recognised as a hurdle within themselves.
    Yes! :O
    "I feel so strongly that the deep and simple is far more essential than the shallow and complex." -Fred Rogers

  3. #13
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mo View Post
    I believe that the OP wants to know how to deal with what they have recognised as a hurdle within themselves.

    Contrary to what some of the commenters may have perceived, they aren't purely using at as a crutch and stumbling blindly on.
    Word.

    Tea party the only thing that helped me slowly overcome my negative view of ISTj's was using this forum and learning about the types properly, not to say that I am an expert, far from it, but like you I had a very very bad experience with an ISTj and at one stage I swore blind I would never let one anywhere near me again. (bearing in mind I am a P, and this was most likely going to change from new information)

    It was silly for me to see it that way, but emotional reactions can often do that to a person, so I know where you are coming from in regard to your judgement on enxp's because of your bad experience.


    You obviously aren't using it extremely negatively just yet, because you refer to 2 close friends that you class as very good friends who are in fact the type you have bad memories of, so just keep being open to giving anyone of that type a chance.

    Of course we should never judge a person by their type, but irrational reactions based on bad memories makes it quite understandable why a person would.

    It's good that you recognise you need to change that, because that actually means you will.

    I wouldn't keep an istj at arms length now, I realise that my ex istj was just psychotic.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  4. #14
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    In the past yes, i did hold grudges.

    I held a grudge against my children's father for a good 6 odd years. Don't ever hurt my kids, or i'll kill you. He hurt my children and i had to pick up the pieces. He knows i am back in the UK and has sent messages to me. Now i am not letting it get to me. He can call me every name under the sun but i won't take the bait anymore. I have explained to my children that if they choose to see him and he messes them around, i won't pick up the pieces this time. This bloke knows how to manipulate the fook out of me so i cant let him too close.

    Now my ex .. for what he did to me, i don't hold a grudge against him at all. Although myself and the children got hurt.

    Funny that.

  5. #15
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    My sister (ESFJ) doesn't hold grudges for longer than a few days. However, when someone does something grudge worthy, she'll spank their ass to oblivion and completely severes ties. The grudge usually lasts as long as it takes for her to cut all ties.

    She's comparable to a T-rex occasionally getting a bone stuck between the teeth.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  6. #16
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    I think awareness of the behaviour pretty much cancels out the entire thing. I hold grudges, not in a "I hate you" way but if I gain a negative impression... it has a tendancy to stick with me for a long time even if I realise that it's silly.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Clonester's Avatar
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    My mother (ISFJ) holds grudges. It's usually from things done to her over time, or things she perceives were done to her. Sometimes she would feel snubbed because she wasn't invited to something, when really she was just probably overlooked and nothing was intentional. She'll also give the silent treatment and be upset for several days when she is wronged, even by me. My anger blows off in maybe an hour, and she's still upset long after.

    I'm not sure what the solution is to this. Maybe try to be a bit more easygoing about things that occur and perhaps vocalize the issue long before deep feelings make an ISFJ hold a grudge. Also realize that not everything done to you is intentional.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    My ISFJ stepmother and ENFJ mother both do this as well. It takes a really long time for me to develop a grudge and it is usually because I cannot distance myself from those people (instances of I live with them/am related to them/work with them). Once I have had time to breathe I can usually get over it. I always try to address the problem directly and frequently get attacked for this. I know I have a bad temper, and I always try to leave the room until I process my thoughts, but that's all it is; a flare up. It's over quite quickly.
    Anger is also a feeling.

  9. #19
    Pronounced eye-ee-dee Eiddy's Avatar
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    I can hold grudges, especially with my kids, since they are close to me and should know how to not take certain attitudes with me (the older ones of course) as for the my younger ones they act up not to be defiant. For some odd reason I could take a lot crap from my students or others.

    With my ex, although it was the worst situation I have ever been in. It was so long ago that I don't hold any feelings. Things just happened to turn out the way they did and it would take too much energy to hold on to those negative feelings, just draining myself in the end.

    Outside my family and close friends I don't let them get close enough to me to hold grudges. Like my boss at work, I figure it is just a mental disorder that he acts out like he does. Others I really don't get close to in order to have those deep seated feelings towards.
    Johari / Nohari

    Enneagram 1w2/Lifepath 1/first zodiac sign Aries/first Chinese zodiac sign RAT/first born in my siblings of 3. Did I forget to mention first?

    Independent Director

  10. #20
    Pronounced eye-ee-dee Eiddy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    My ISFJ stepmother and ENFJ mother both do this as well. It takes a really long time for me to develop a grudge and it is usually because I cannot distance myself from those people (instances of I live with them/am related to them/work with them). Once I have had time to breathe I can usually get over it. I always try to address the problem directly and frequently get attacked for this. I know I have a bad temper, and I always try to leave the room until I process my thoughts, but that's all it is; a flare up. It's over quite quickly.
    Nicely put!
    Johari / Nohari

    Enneagram 1w2/Lifepath 1/first zodiac sign Aries/first Chinese zodiac sign RAT/first born in my siblings of 3. Did I forget to mention first?

    Independent Director

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