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  1. #1
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Default ENTP's-connecting with people through Ne

    I was reading another thread in this forum which mentioned the possibility that ENTP's might underestimate the importance of Ti, while INTP's might tend to underestimate the importance of Ne.

    I don't think that I underestimate the value of my Ne (I know it's my way of connecting with people and the outside world, and it's also good to get out of my own head). But, one of my problems seems to be actually being able to CONNECT with people when I do use my Ne. I have found that when I'm talking to another primary or secondary Ne user, we usually connect extremely well - but that only includes 4 of the 16 types (and not a large percentage of the overall population). With the other 12 types, I don't connect very well. I want to connect with people more often, but I find that instead of my Ne "connecting", it feels more like the other person is "missing" what I'm saying - or I'm "missing" my target. I can almost use the analogy of swinging a baseball bat. When I use Ne with other Ne users, I connect with the baseball and the baseball goes far. When I use my Ne with others, it's like I just can't quite seem to hit the ball. I've learned to not care as much. If I feel that I "missed" in a given situation, then I just move on and not let it bother me too much (there are times, when I choose to actually reflect on it, that it seems a bit sad, pathetic, and depressing) - basically, I've learned to live with it.

    But, I think that I have gotten to a point where I more or less "expect" to miss - I might think, "I'd like to join in and conversate with that group" (whether it be friends/acquaintances/or a business situation), but then I'll just think, "95% chance it will be awkward or they won't get me, so I'm just going to go on my way".

    So, the question is: how do you use your Ne to connect with "the masses"? In particular, the 8 "S" types? When you know that you don't have much in common with a group or an individual, but it's still important (or otherwise desirable) to connect with them, how do you do it? Tips? Pointers? What if you start to use Ne and you get the vibe that they aren't getting you or they think you're eccentric? Do you continue to use your Ne or do you try to mix in some other function(s) to meet them half way?

  2. #2
    in-game Gamine's Avatar
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    This is sort of how I look at it...

    My Ne gets all fired up, hot and bothered when I find another Ne type. Our minds click It might take a long time for anything emotional to build, or none at all. Depends on the person. Our brains get along great though!

    My Fe has taken a while to develop, but it's a smooth suave machine. This is what I use when I'm being an extraverted personal-person (focussing on human type stuff) either out of interest in that person, genuine appreciation of them, or in some ploy to advocate an idea in communication.

    My Ti is the face I make when I'm sorting everything out in my head, and people walk up and tell me they are concerned about me, because I seem so serious.

    I usually know how to approach someone, and if I am not certain I will drop things subtley into conversation to see if they catch on. One of the best things about interactions with people: They are usually more concerned about how they are being perceived, so if you can get them talking about themselves, what they find interesting, you can learn a lot and then make your move if you are an observe-act kind of person.

    Good luck!! People are strange haha.
    "Beware Those Who Are ALWAYS READING BOOKS" - Bukowski

  3. #3
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    It's still hard for us.

  4. #4
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by onemoretime View Post
    It's still hard for us.
    +1

    Actually I use to work for an Ad agency whos staff just use to walk up to new people and introduce themselves and what they were working on.

    It really challenged anything introverted, just to march up and break the ice... but it worked it really did.

    Never been much good in a crowd of people I didn't know too well, without becomign annoyingly extrovert

  5. #5
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    It's kind of a combination of Ne, learning that social situations are not scary and hardly ever awkward and figuring out it doesn't matter at all if they are.

    If I see something interesting to me I nowadays just comment on it. If, for instance, I see a person with a Sziget shirt on, I will most certainly compliment that person on it and tell him or her that I've been to Sziget as well.

    No one ever takes offence if you just make small talk.
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  6. #6
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shimmy View Post
    It's kind of a combination of Ne, learning that social situations are not scary and hardly ever awkward and figuring out it doesn't matter at all if they are.
    That's good advice. Maybe my perception that many of my social situations are fairly awkward is flawed. Or even if it isn't flawed, and they really are awkward, it still doesn't matter.

    To the others who responded, I have read in other threads that you also find it difficult, but you seem to do a better job of trudging through it. Like one ENTP that I know says: I don't enjoy it, but I have to do it. It's something that is necessary and so I just do it.

    It's so easy for the INTP to just leave, avoid, or stay indoors - because that just means that we are leaving an awkward secondary-function situation in favor of going back to using our primary function. It's almost a no-brainer. It's not always the best decision for us in the long-term, but in that very moment, it's so easy to say, "This isn't working. Let me get out of here so I can go be alone and engage Ti." And then when we get out of the awkward situation it's a feeling of "home sweet home" - we're comfortable again and back using our primary function.

    ENTP's, however, have to be around others in order to use Ne, so you guys are more likely to "stay" in these somewhat awkward situations.

    How do you plow through these situations, even when they are difficult/awkward/uncomfortable?

  7. #7
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    How do you plow through these situations, even when they are difficult/awkward/uncomfortable?
    That's where Fe becomes really useful. If I realize things are going awry I just turn on the Fe and find some other direction to run on that I think will interest the other person. I mean sometimes I'll just gracefully bow out, but it doesn't really bother me. Couldn't connect with that person, well why not try that cute girl in the corner?

  8. #8
    Is Willard in Footloose!! CJ99's Avatar
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    Ne alone doesn't really help connect with people. But Ne-Fe does. Its why most of us ENTPs are annoying bastard when we are young - I should know I still am!
    Ne sort of figures out the persons motivations, the kind of person they are ect then uses Fe to react by being nice or being tactful ect. Its why younger ENTPs always fuck up because we know exactly what the persons wants and why its just when we try react to that we always give the wrong reaction!

    Really Ne alone isn't much of a people function!
    "I'd never die for my beliefs, I might be wrong"

    "Is it not enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe there are fairys at the bottom of it too"

    "Intelligence is being able to hold too opposing views in the mind at the one time without going crazy" - Now all I need to figure out is if I'm intelligent or crazy!

  9. #9
    Writing... Tamske's Avatar
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    Ne's the way I would prefer to connect to people: sharing ideas, talking about theories, invent nonsense stories and rhymes...
    Fe's the way that's expected in 'socializing'
    When interacting the Ne way, I feel recharged. When interacting the Fe way, I feel drained.

    There's this teacher in my school... we never "connected" in the usual way, asking about name, health, hobbies, children, students... Suddenly he asked me some questions about the vacuum. He has even never asked me "how are you doing" and I feel more connected to him than to my more talkative colleagues
    We know and appreciate each other. We don't have to say it.
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
    I'm female. I just can't draw women

  10. #10
    Alexander the Terrible yenom's Avatar
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    say what you think (overcome your fear of talking to people)
    be curious about people
    write down their responses
    talk to more people
    don't be afraid of rejection

    (P.S it has nothing to do with functions)
    it gets better and better as you gain experience talking to more people
    The fear of poverty turns people into slaves of money.

    "In this Caesar there are many Mariuses"~Sulla

    Conquer your inner demons first before you conquer the world.

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