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  1. #1
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    Default Please help! I'm in love with an INTp

    I have been involved with an INTp for the last 4 months. We met on line and communicate primarily through emails. We have met a few times in person, since I live in another state.

    I am an InFP. This is my first INTp and I have read many articles on his personality type. Just when I think I understand him, I am baffled once again by his behaviors. I don't know if he likes me more than friends. I only know that I am "in love" with him.

    How would a typical INTp show their love or affection? I am ready to move on but something tells me don't give up hope.

  2. #2
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
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    God help you, child. Say three Hail Marys and hum some Sigur Ros in the morning.

    On your question: I tried to get that answer with this thread. Because I phrased it too broadly, many answers were broader than just "affection", but you may find a bunch of the responses useful nevertheless.

    --

    p.s.: I'd like to hear your own answers from the INFP perspective, too.
    p.p.s.: Welcome!

  3. #3
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Hello and welcome to the forums. Have you made your intentions known? We're notoriously bad at determining the intentions of other people, so if you don't spell things out for us sometimes we'll be kind of lost.



  4. #4
    Senior Member Misty_Mountain_Rose's Avatar
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    Yeah. I've been in love with one for ten years. We're still 'just friends'. Good luck and may you have a better road than I've traveled.
    Embrace the possibilities.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Works's Avatar
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    God there could be an innumerable number of reasons why it doesn't seem he is interested in you.

    Could be self doubt.

    His Ni could be running overdrive and playing pilot with his heart.

    He could be socially inept.

    His indecisive P could be taking over.

    He might not like you.



    It's hard to say how every INTP shows appreciation and affection. It'll probably be subtle things at first. His whole willingness to engage and talk with you on a deeper level could be one. If you catch him staring at you for a long time, he's most likely processing what to say and deciding against saying it.

    I suggest tearing of his/your clothes and measuring the reaction.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Misty_Mountain_Rose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Works View Post
    I suggest tearing of his/your clothes and measuring the reaction.
    Who would dare such a thing with an INTP??!!
    Embrace the possibilities.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Works's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Misty_Mountain_Rose View Post
    Who would dare such a thing with an INTP??!!
    I can imagine my reaction and first response.

    "...What exactly are you doing?"

  8. #8
    o edward cullen! Ardea's Avatar
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    Maybe this will help:

    INTPs:
    *Appeal to their craving for new ideas, theories, and systems (eg. give them a book on a topic they know little about and then discuss it with them).
    *Join them on intellectually stimulating dates such as a visit to a science museum or computer fair.
    *Engage them in intellectual discussion and debate on any topic they are interested in.
    *Respect their uniquely analytical way of looking at the world.
    (LoveType)

    How to Love an INTP
    * Respect my privacy and independence.
    * Appreciate my competencies and wealth of creative ideas.
    * Encourage me to spend time alone.
    * Don't talk too much or force an emotional conversation before I'm ready.
    * Try not to nag me about being messy or meeting deadlines.
    * Above all - give me plenty of space to pursue my interests in depth and time to think things through.

    They are curious, independent, and strong willed, but also tend to be reticent to share their emotions, fears, or worries. While they are creative, logical, and innovative, they are also usually critical, argumentative, and ignore rules or authority.

    What works with INTPs:
    * respect their privacy and look for common interests to foster closeness and intimacy
    * don't fuss over them, let them try to do things for themselves and learn from the consequences of their successes and failures
    * expect to be challenged often as they strive to achieve perfection in their arguments

    Parents of INTPs: they'll know you really love them when you... send them to Space Camp.
    (Personality Type Welcome - book headquarters for Do What You Are - Nurture By Nature - Just Your Type - The Art of Speedreading People)


    Loving
    For the INTP, love has three distinct phases: falling in, staying in, and getting out. These phases relate to their thinking preference and its need for order and sequence.

    An INTP characterized falling in love as a stage of complete loss of rationality that may last a year or less. When an INTP falls in love, he or she falls hard - an all or nothing phenomenon. At this stage, INTPs are likely to be very lively, almost giddy, in their new love. The experience rushes over them and carries them along. They do not structure or control it but simply enjoy and experience it. They do many loving things and they are curious about their loved one and are able to overlook his or her flaws. They may bravely ignore the realities of distance, weather, and time to be with the loved one.

    As relationships progress to the staying-in-love phase, INTPs begin to evaluate their structure and form. They may withdraw at this point because they are moving toward their more customary inward style. Outward demonstrations of affection lessen, and the giddy state changes. Interactions are more matter of fact, perhaps even impersonal. INTPs take their commitments to their partner seriously; however, they may not discuss these commitments at any length with their partner or with other people, because their commitments seem so obvious to them.

    Falling out of love, which may not always occur, results from an analysis of the real expectations and needs of the relationship. Often an undefined line is crossed that neither partner knows about ahead of time. However, the INTP knows after the line has been crossed, and then the relationship deteriorates or ends. If INTPs recognize their emotions and needs as valid, they are able to sever relationship ties fairly cleanly. However, if they misjudge their own needs and those of their partner, the breakup can be messy, perhaps affecting other aspects of their lives for a long time. If the INTP shares some common interests with the former loved one, the relationship continues but on a different level. When INTPs have a reason to continue relationships, they do.
    (http://www.geocities.com/lifeexplore)


    I know it seems like a lot of information, but maybe from this you can see what's going on in his mind. Hope that helps.

    And from what I've seen... they'll go out of their way to do practical things for you. My dad is an INTP, and he shows his love by cooking, mostly. It's not gourmet or anything, but it's a practical need.
    Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #9
    Magical BlackCat's Avatar
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    Don't give up. INTPs are some really great people. Look at them like this: INFPs and INTPs have the same engine, but said engine runs off of a different fuel for each.

    How do they show affection? Well from what I've seen they are private about the whole... Feely thing. One thing I think is INTP affection is when they carry on an intellegent conversation with you. This is saying to you that you are worthy to them in their mind, that you are intellegent. Another way to see that they care is if they let you in on their personal lives, what they are passionate about. But that goes with anyone.

    You are doing good if you change their logic. This shows them even more that you are intellegent, and in term will earn you more respect.

    An obstacle you will have to get over is the fact that if you are going through a hard time, they will still use their T. The worst thing is to get offended by this. A good example of an INTP trying to comfort me:

    me: "Man... I can't believe that I crashed my car. This really sucks, I feel like shit."

    Him: "Well, you could sell the car's parts that are in good condition to make some money to help pay for the ticket, and eventually a new car. You also are going to be getting taken to school by your parents, so you won't have to spend money on gas, seeing as how gas is outrageous right now."

    me: "Yeah... That's true. I could do that. I feel so stupid though, I was only going like 25."

    him: "Blah. Well it was just bad luck, you have your head in the clouds a lot, and that gas station is crowded a lot of the time."

    me: "Yeah I guess..."

    him: "Look on the bright side, at least you only dented their van. You don't have to pay for that."

    etc...

    They really are trying to help you, just in their own way. Watch out for this, and accept that they are trying to be helpful and that they care.

    I hope I helped. I'm an INFP if you didn't notice.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  10. #10
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FemmeUrbane View Post
    Maybe this will help:

    INTPs:
    [stuff]
    That doesn't help her to know what the INTP's feelings are about her or how he would show affection.

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