[NT] NTs: How do you show appreciation?

[INA]

An exchange got me thinking about how less than forthcoming NTs usually are about their feelings (I even hate typing the word).

Yeah, I may not be the norm on this one, but expressive men (who are open about their feelings/moods/ etc.) make me so happy. I just wanna and then *sexy emoticon*

Have you ever dealt with one? It is all fun and games until somebody gets hurt. They can get mighty huffy if you are not as . . . shall we say "expressive".

Hey, I'm an ENFP. It's not a problem!

I am aware that this is a sore point for many NTs, self-included. For example, if I tell a girlfriend I haven't seen in a while that I miss her, there is a good chance she will ask what I've been drinking or think I'm putting her on, just because it is so rare. NTs, how do you do it? Do you prefer to demonstrate appreciation for the people in your life by doing things to make them happy or giving them gifts instead of saying it? Do you bite the bullet and try to be verbally expressive? Are you touchy feely?

 

[spirilis]

I verbally use some form of the word "thanks." It sounds (and feels) a little awkward when doing this to other guys so I keep it short. To other women I don't mind giving them a prolonged grin while saying it, 'cause it feels less awkward.

I'm not usually good about giving thanks though, and my likelihood of doing so changes with mood.

 

[INA]

I don't have issues with saying thanks, but I often think it is not enough, especially over long-range things where it is not a snapshot event to be thankful for or appreciative of.

 

[Totenkindly]

I don't think I used to like to say thanks when I was younger, I usually would just try to reciprocate.

At some point that changed, and I enjoy letting someone know when they've done something that meant a lot to me or that I merely appreciated what they did / were trying to do. I try to keep it proportional to the gift, though, and don't overdo it even if I haven't gotten all my thoughts out yet on the matter; if I sense discomfort, I make it short and sweet and just ditch the rest.

 

[Haphazard]

Pretty much, if you're in my presence and I'm not sulking, I appreciate your company.

Although, this isn't enough for most people...

 

[JAVO]

With anyone I care about, I'm very open and verbally expressive about my feelings. Unless I'm extremely busy or stressed, I don't think most of them would know I was a T rather than an F.

I actually think this is the best way to relate to everyone, including other T's.

 

[INA]

I don't think I used to like to say thanks when I was younger, I usually would just try to reciprocate.

At some point that changed, and I enjoy letting someone know when they've done something that meant a lot to me or that I merely appreciated what they did / were trying to do.

Do you also enjoy showing your appreciation for who they are, or for their company?

Pretty much, if you're in my presence and I'm not sulking, I appreciate your company.

Although, this isn't enough for most people...

No it isn't. It is a crying shame, isn't it?

With anyone I care about, I'm very open and verbally expressive about my feelings. Unless I'm extremely busy or stressed, I don't think most of them would know I was a T rather than an F.

I actually think this is the best way to relate to everyone, including other T's.

Wow. Were you always like that or did you mature into it?

 

[Tallulah]

I generally find it MUCH easier to just reciprocate or do something nice for someone. Expressing my feelings makes me feel awkward. Though there are certain personalities that sort of bring out my feely side, and I can reciprocate with them without feeling odd about it.

 

[edel weiss]

I express my feelings from time to time. I don't generally tell people I appreciate them, now that I think about it. If I'm talking to them, if I seek them out, and initiate conversations with them I assume they know I like them.

I do remember telling my best friends how much I loved them when I was drunk once. And I cuddle up to my parents when I'm in a certain kind of mood. That's about it.

 

[Eileen]

The INTJ I know (who is not forthcoming with feelings at all verbally) will do things like give little gifts. I have interpreted this as his way of saying "thanks" or "I care" (or occasionally "I'm sorry").

As an INFJ, I'm so full of words and so used to expressing them that this economy of expression can be very frustrating for me because it's not how I do things. But it has helped to consider that there are different ways to say thanks/I care.

 

[Jae Rae]

My experience with NTs is they aren't good at saying how much they like or appreciate you. They DO things for you, spend time with you, talk and write to you and listen attentively. Boredom is the kiss of death for an NT, so if he/she is in a relationship with you (and you're not a relative, and even then...) it means you are appreciated and considered worthy.

An ENTP friend once told me "I'm stingy with my time [and think of how much time we spend together.]" The last part wasn't actually said, it was understood, and the whole of it was meant as a compliment.

 

[Jeximo]

"Thanks";however, I generally try to keep myself out of situations where people are doing things for me.

 

[ZiL]

They DO things for you, spend time with you, talk and write to you and listen attentively. Boredom is the kiss of death for an NT, so if he/she is in a relationship with you (and you're not a relative, and even then...) it means you are appreciated and considered worthy.

An ENTP friend once told me "I'm stingy with my time [and think of how much time we spend together.]" The last part wasn't actually said, it was understood, and the whole of it was meant as a compliment.

That's pretty much how I show appreciation - by being extra attentive. If I devote time to you, it's probably because I like you or appreciate you in some way. If I write you a lot or am very responsive, that's my attempt at being appreciative. I'll say "thanks" sometimes and stuff, but depending on the person it'll often feel very awkward and forced, so I prefer be more indirect if possible (and hope that they'll get the message). If it sounds sorta sterile - being excessively thanked by others makes me feel awkward as well and I'll try to downplay whatever it is that I did for them to get them to stop showing their appreciation, lol.

 

[JAVO]

Wow. Were you always like that or did you mature into it?

In 8th grade, I realized my own miserable futility in dealing with people, and began to make changes. I realized the need for showing appreciation, the "efficiency" (not intending that to be an impersonal term) of it, and that I even appreciated it myself.

 

[LucrativeSid]

At any random time I might do something I've never done before and experience life in a way that I've never experienced it before - and I enjoy that. I like showing appreciation and gratitude whenever I truly feel it. (Are you talking about appreciation specifically, or love in a more general sense?) How I express this might largely depend on the person and circumstances, but things I have done already include letters and emails, unique custom gifts made just for the receiver, writing songs, quality time, showing an interest, forgiveness and understanding, surprises, prose, precise and beautiful words spoken just the right way at just the right time, help, and probably a few other things.

These things reflect how much I appreciate the person as well as my own personality. I take my feelings and try to mold them into something greater as I express them. Even expression with me is a challenge - but it's one that I relish and enjoy. Maybe I should call it a game instead of a challenge. I'm always trying to be as great as I can be, and if I'm willing to try to put that greatness into some kind of expressive communication or act with or for you, it means that you are important. (And it really doesn't even matter how you respond to it. I'll be happy with what I've done.)

I'm not extremely expressive. I'm not that expressive at all if I just go with the flow. It's just that when I decide to it, I'm very good at it. The feeling (F) that spurs the act of expression is genuine, the calculation, precision, challenge, and enjoyment that come from the process of putting together an awesome expression are what my T side enjoys, and the T and F sides of me equally enjoy the genuine results when I've shared my feelings and touched another person - while relishing in the fact that I was so good at doing it that I brought them tears of joy. (I like to make everything profound, but I will never lie, trick myself, or evade logic to get there, because that's what makes things profound in the first place. - Logic and emotion being in harmony.)

Things like what I've mentioned above only happen when I can tell the person really wants to or needs to hear it (which I don't mind doing, I actually enjoy it, especially since what I'm saying is true) or when the desire to express my feeling is so strong that I am propelled to do it on my own.

The majority of the time, I'm just being normal and having a good time. Most people in my life either don't crave appreciation from me (because they are not needy or weird in the head) or they just haven't done enough to deserve something above and beyond the normal every day signs that say "I like you and enjoy having you around."

 

[Fuent]

Absolutely no problem telling people just how much i appreciate them. I usually try to return the favor if they do something nice for me. Yes i'm an INTJ. No F in there.

 

[htb]

I use typical words and gestures where it's the local currency, and express appreciation when I think it's deserved.

 

[entropie]

I know the joke is flat, but I appreciate the picture xD

 

[runvardh]

I'm not the best with words though that's more out of introversion than anything. I could handle a girl that didn't express verbally all the time though, my love language is more physical and action oriented.

 

[Kasper]

I prefer to show appreciation rather than talk but I have no problem expressing verbal gratitude/emotion when I know the other person would prefer words. If I’m really grateful I’ll want them to know in no uncertain terms so I have to, same goes for physical contact like hugs.