NTs: How do you show appreciation?

[InaF3157]

An exchange got me thinking about how less than forthcoming NTs usually are about their feelings (I even hate typing the word).

Originally Posted by phoenix13

Yeah, I may not be the norm on this one, but expressive men (who are open about their feelings/moods/ etc.) make me so happy. I just wanna and then *sexy emoticon*

Originally Posted by IF3157

Have you ever dealt with one? It is all fun and games until somebody gets hurt. They can get mighty huffy if you are not as . . . shall we say "expressive".

Originally Posted by phoenix13

Hey, I'm an ENFP. It's not a problem!

I am aware that this is a sore point for many NTs, self-included. For example, if I tell a girlfriend I haven't seen in a while that I miss her, there is a good chance she will ask what I've been drinking or think I'm putting her on, just because it is so rare. NTs, how do you do it? Do you prefer to demonstrate appreciation for the people in your life by doing things to make them happy or giving them gifts instead of saying it? Do you bite the bullet and try to be verbally expressive? Are you touchy feely?

[spirilis]

I verbally use some form of the word "thanks." It sounds (and feels) a little awkward when doing this to other guys so I keep it short. To other women I don't mind giving them a prolonged grin while saying it, 'cause it feels less awkward.

I'm not usually good about giving thanks though, and my likelihood of doing so changes with mood.

[InaF3157]

I don't have issues with saying thanks, but I often think it is not enough, especially over long-range things where it is not a snapshot event to be thankful for or appreciative of.

[Jennifer]

I don't think I used to like to say thanks when I was younger, I usually would just try to reciprocate.

At some point that changed, and I enjoy letting someone know when they've done something that meant a lot to me or that I merely appreciated what they did / were trying to do. I try to keep it proportional to the gift, though, and don't overdo it even if I haven't gotten all my thoughts out yet on the matter; if I sense discomfort, I make it short and sweet and just ditch the rest.

[Haphazard]

Pretty much, if you're in my presence and I'm not sulking, I appreciate your company.

Although, this isn't enough for most people...

[JAVO]

With anyone I care about, I'm very open and verbally expressive about my feelings. Unless I'm extremely busy or stressed, I don't think most of them would know I was a T rather than an F.

I actually think this is the best way to relate to everyone, including other T's.

[InaF3157]

Originally Posted by Jennifer

I don't think I used to like to say thanks when I was younger, I usually would just try to reciprocate.

At some point that changed, and I enjoy letting someone know when they've done something that meant a lot to me or that I merely appreciated what they did / were trying to do.

Do you also enjoy showing your appreciation for who they are, or for their company?

Originally Posted by Haphazard

Pretty much, if you're in my presence and I'm not sulking, I appreciate your company.

Although, this isn't enough for most people...

No it isn't. It is a crying shame, isn't it?

Originally Posted by JAVO

With anyone I care about, I'm very open and verbally expressive about my feelings. Unless I'm extremely busy or stressed, I don't think most of them would know I was a T rather than an F.

I actually think this is the best way to relate to everyone, including other T's.

Wow. Were you always like that or did you mature into it?

[Tallulah]

I generally find it MUCH easier to just reciprocate or do something nice for someone. Expressing my feelings makes me feel awkward. Though there are certain personalities that sort of bring out my feely side, and I can reciprocate with them without feeling odd about it.

[edel weiss]

I express my feelings from time to time. I don't generally tell people I appreciate them, now that I think about it. If I'm talking to them, if I seek them out, and initiate conversations with them I assume they know I like them.

I do remember telling my best friends how much I loved them when I was drunk once. And I cuddle up to my parents when I'm in a certain kind of mood. That's about it.

[Eileen]

The INTJ I know (who is not forthcoming with feelings at all verbally) will do things like give little gifts. I have interpreted this as his way of saying "thanks" or "I care" (or occasionally "I'm sorry").

As an INFJ, I'm so full of words and so used to expressing them that this economy of expression can be very frustrating for me because it's not how I do things. But it has helped to consider that there are different ways to say thanks/I care.