Survey for Those with Shyness or Social Anxiety Disorder

[Mempy]

I'm doing a research project on social phobia or social anxiety disorder, specifically on the language and rhetoric surrounding the disorder, and central to my project is information I gather from primary sources such as interviews and surveys. If you're not sure you have it but consider yourself to be pretty shy, please respond anyway; I can use all the information I can get. Which also means, feel free to pick and choose among the questions you answer if you don't like them all or don't have time for them all. I may come back later to change the focus of the questions or to add more questions.

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First of all, how acute do you consider your shyness or social anxiety to be?

Do you find it easier to talk to people online than in real life? If so, what do you think makes it easier?

How much does your disorder inhibit your dating life? In what ways does it inhibit it? What do you think your prospects in dating are?

Why is it, do you think, that people are often more comfortable when someone says, "I'm not feeling well" than when they say, "I'm feeling shy and socially anxious"? If you get a hit of anxiety in a social situation, have you ever used the "I'm feeling sick" excuse or an excuse that wasn't the truth to explain why you were acting the way you were or to get out of the situation altogether? Why? (Be careful to distinguish shyness and social anxiety from mere introversion.)

When you realized you had the disorder, how did you familiarize yourself with it? Where did you seek information? What kinds of information about your disorder are most important to you (treatment options, coping skills, causes of the disorder, experiences shared by those afflicted with it)?

What roles do this forum, support groups, and nonprofit organizations play in your life? How important are they to your knowledge, socialization, health and treatment?

What do you think the public perception of SAD is? Does it match the reality of SAD? What misconceptions do society and even your own family and friends have about the disorder?

Do you think people see social anxiety or shyness as a weakness? Do you think they see it as your fault or as something you can fix?

Do you consider it your fault? Do you feel shame because of your disorder?

How much does your shyness define you?

What hope do you have for improvement?

How acute has it been in the past? If your condition has improved, how did that happen?

 

[tenINsFJ]

Okay not sure if I have it, but here ya go.

First of all, how acute do you consider your shyness or social anxiety to be?
Mine isn't too bad, I'll go out with friends, just not for a prolonged period. But an example of the last time we went out, there were 8 of us that were going to go out, they decided on a bar/dance club place.. we went there and when I got to the front, I couldn't walk in without feeling uncomfortable and shy so I waited outside for a few hours while they went in. I can hang out with them in like a house or Starbucks for a few hours before needing to go home.

In a school setting, back in middle school it was pretty bad. I remember giving a book report in front of the class.. I prepared all night and had everything ready. I got to the front of the class and froze up. I didn't say a word, and walked out of the classroom.

Do you find it easier to talk to people online than in real life? If so, what do you think makes it easier?
Much easier to talk to strangers and unknowns online than in real life for me. If I find someone random in person, I'm more wary and skeptical of how to interact with them. Usually, unless it looks like a genuinely nice person, I'll be quieter and observe more, which is probably viewed as weird and cold.

Plus online, you don't have to worry about people judging you(to a certain extent). If someone insulted me online, I would care a lot less than if it were in person.

How much does your disorder inhibit your dating life? In what ways does it inhibit it? What do you think your prospects in dating are?
It doesn't really affect my dating life. In the most humble way, I actually get approached a lot , which I find weird, so the part for getting attention from females is never an issue. What is usually an issue for me, is not being reclusive towards people when it comes to dating. When a girl gets too talkative or clingy I disappear(I'm really good at disappearing). I feel bad about it cause they get mad. And I wish I wouldn't do that.

Why is it, do you think, that people are often more comfortable when someone says, "I'm not feeling well" than when they say, "I'm feeling shy and socially anxious"? If you get a hit of anxiety in a social situation, have you ever used the "I'm feeling sick" excuse or an excuse that wasn't the truth to explain why you were acting the way you were or to get out of the situation altogether? Why? (Be careful to distinguish shyness and social anxiety from mere introversion.)

I think that people would prefer to hear "I'm not feeling well" because that's generally an accepted excuse for not doing anything. If people hear "I'm feeling shy or socially anxious" as an excuse, people would be more inclined to have weird impressions about the person... of course this is all IMO.
Yes, I've used the "I'm not feeling well" excuse before.. probably too many times. My friends are used to me never being around them even though they bombard me with phone calls, but sometimes when they want to hang out, I'll reluctantly agree. As the time comes closer to when I leave my house to hang out with them, I've gotten anxiety about hanging out with people in general in a more public place and don't want to leave. So I've called them a few times to say "I wasn't feeling well" so I wouldn't have to go out.

When you realized you had the disorder, how did you familiarize yourself with it? Where did you seek information? What kinds of information about your disorder are most important to you (treatment options, coping skills, causes of the disorder, experiences shared by those afflicted with it)?
Nothing. I like the way I am. Lol.

What roles do this forum, support groups, and nonprofit organizations play in your life? How important are they to your knowledge, socialization, health and treatment?
I like the forums here and reading about people similar to myself. I've been on this and some other INFJ websites and I feel more relaxed about myself knowing that there are others like me out there.

What do you think the public perception of SAD is? Does it match the reality of SAD? What misconceptions do society and even your own family and friends have about the disorder?
I think majority of people think it's weird. We had a girl in our friends group way back in high school who had a really bad case of SAD and my friends definitely always talked about how weird she was, and sometimes made fun of her(behind her back). Probably why I'd say it's a better excuse to use "I'm not feeling well"

Do you think people see social anxiety or shyness as a weakness? Do you think they see it as your fault or as something you can fix?
I think I hide it pretty well with the common person. If I were to really analyze myself, I'd probably say I come off as confident and reserved when I meet someone. I've gotten that a lot, and that's my intention.

Do you consider it your fault? Do you feel shame because of your disorder?
Nah, I'm not ashamed of the way I am.


How acute has it been in the past? If your condition has improved, how did that happen?
I'll repeat again, I don't think it's a bad case of anxiety, it's probably just slight. And over time, I just got more comfortable. Taking public speaking class in college helped me with speaking more in public.

 

[colmena]

First of all, how acute do you consider your shyness or social anxiety to be?

Inconsistent. Ranging from complete confidence to terror at the thought of someone possibly being able to talk or be near me.

Do you find it easier to talk to people online than in real life? If so, what do you think makes it easier?

Yes. The absence of the physical and the senses. Asynchronous communication gives me time to think.

How much does your disorder inhibit your dating life? In what ways does it inhibit it? What do you think your prospects in dating are?

It's difficult to isolate anxiety from things like esteem, but I'll try to be specific. I'd say it plays a large, but secondary reason for not wanting to meet people.

Conducive to defeatism - expect to be uncomfortable and embarrassed.

Prospects - little to none.

Why is it, do you think, that people are often more comfortable when someone says, "I'm not feeling well" than when they say, "I'm feeling shy and socially anxious"? If you get a hit of anxiety in a social situation, have you ever used the "I'm feeling sick" excuse or an excuse that wasn't the truth to explain why you were acting the way you were or to get out of the situation altogether? Why? (Be careful to distinguish shyness and social anxiety from mere introversion.)

I warn in advance that I will leave if uncomfortable. Or those who know me would already understand.

Why is it...? - The assumption is stigma attached to psychological disorder.

When you realized you had the disorder, how did you familiarize yourself with it? Where did you seek information? What kinds of information about your disorder are most important to you (treatment options, coping skills, causes of the disorder, experiences shared by those afflicted with it)?

Rationale, I suppose. Constructing ideas to optimise development.

What roles do this forum, support groups, and nonprofit organizations play in your life? How important are they to your knowledge, socialization, health and treatment?

The socialisation on the forum keeps me sane.

Do you think people see social anxiety or shyness as a weakness? Do you think they see it as your fault or as something you can fix?

I would expect so. I would agree in most circumstances.

I'm rarely able to work out what people think about me.

Do you consider it your fault? Do you feel shame because of your disorder?

I consider it my fault. Shame - perhaps not directly.

How much does your shyness define you?

Probably more than I like to admit. Generally, it would be impertinent to bring it up. Nevertheless, I'm sure it has had a substantial impact on who I am.

What hope do you have for improvement?

Inconsistent. Now and then I get excited about ideas, but the pessimism/defeatism usually steps in before I make progress.

How acute has it been in the past? If your condition has improved, how did that happen?

It has improved - time and maturity has given me perspective.

 

[Orangey]

First of all, how acute do you consider your shyness or social anxiety to be?

Very acute.

Do you find it easier to talk to people online than in real life? If so, what do you think makes it easier?

Yes, it's easier to talk to people online than in real life. In real life I get the impression that I can't control my facial expressions (or my expressions in general) very well, so I often give off the wrong impression. The anxiety also interferes with my ability to listen to people, so I will miss a lot of what people say to me when they say it. The online interaction takes away both of those problems, and gives me time to adequately process and respond to people's thoughts and feelings.

How much does your disorder inhibit your dating life? In what ways does it inhibit it? What do you think your prospects in dating are?

It inhibits it to a very great degree. My shyness completely cuts off my ability to send sexual signals, such as flirting, so even when someone is actively interested in me, I never give enough encouragement (I even sometimes actively discourage it) to make the other person know that I am not repulsed by their attentions. I think that my prospects are fairly dismal.

Why is it, do you think, that people are often more comfortable when someone says, "I'm not feeling well" than when they say, "I'm feeling shy and socially anxious"? If you get a hit of anxiety in a social situation, have you ever used the "I'm feeling sick" excuse or an excuse that wasn't the truth to explain why you were acting the way you were or to get out of the situation altogether? Why? (Be careful to distinguish shyness and social anxiety from mere introversion.)

I think that people believe shyness and social anxiety to be something that's totally within a person's control...so to say that you are feeling shy/socially anxious is like saying that you feel sick with a sickness that you have the ability to instantaneously will away. Real illnesses, however, cannot be willed away, and are therefore completely out of an individual's control, so that is an acceptable excuse.

I have faked illness to get out of social engagements before as well. Lately, though, I've changed my strategy to "I have homework" or "I didn't get any sleep last night, so I'm sleeping now".

When you realized you had the disorder, how did you familiarize yourself with it? Where did you seek information? What kinds of information about your disorder are most important to you (treatment options, coping skills, causes of the disorder, experiences shared by those afflicted with it)?

I only read the basic stuff, and that was to see if what I had was really a disorder. I haven't pursued treatment, and the information I read hasn't really helped me to cope or anything.

What roles do this forum, support groups, and nonprofit organizations play in your life? How important are they to your knowledge, socialization, health and treatment?

Well I use this forum and some other forums as outlets for communication. It relieves me to be able to talk to people in a way that I find comfortable and fulfilling. I don't do support groups or nonprofits, though.

What do you think the public perception of SAD is? Does it match the reality of SAD? What misconceptions do society and even your own family and friends have about the disorder?

I don't think that most people know that it's real. Even if they've heard of it, I find that most people I know (barring a few, whom I think suffer from it like me) deny that it's really a disorder. I think they see it as being on par with something like ADHD, where something that's perfectly controllable is being needlessly pathologized.

Do you think people see social anxiety or shyness as a weakness? Do you think they see it as your fault or as something you can fix?

Yes, I do. They see it as my fault, I think.

Do you consider it your fault? Do you feel shame because of your disorder?

I don't consider it my fault, really, but it does make me ashamed of myself sometimes.

How much does your shyness define you?

I don't know. I think it limits what I do, and how others perceive me.

What hope do you have for improvement?

None, really.

How acute has it been in the past? If your condition has improved, how did that happen?

It hasn't really gotten better or worse.

 

[Geoff]

Mempy - just a pointer - SAD often refers to Seasonally Affected Disorder (Winter depression) so just be careful to define your terms in the research paper

 

[Randomnity]

First of all, how acute do you consider your shyness or social anxiety to be?

Situational. In most cases, moderate, in a few, extreme, and not much at all when I'm in a group of friends (or even having one friend along reduces it greatly).

Do you find it easier to talk to people online than in real life? If so, what do you think makes it easier?

Yes (though it doesn't disappear). I think mostly it's because I have time to formulate my answers rather than stammering/hunting for words, so I'm less afraid of looking stupid. It's also partially because people aren't actually watching me, and partially because I choose the interaction and can walk away at any time.

How much does your disorder inhibit your dating life? In what ways does it inhibit it? What do you think your prospects in dating are?

Not too much, since I'm female so I'm not expected to make that much of a first move. Alcohol helps for that, too...I've done alright, I tend to end up dating friends or at least friends of friends so I'm more comfortable. I could never approach a stranger.

Why is it, do you think, that people are often more comfortable when someone says, "I'm not feeling well" than when they say, "I'm feeling shy and socially anxious"? If you get a hit of anxiety in a social situation, have you ever used the "I'm feeling sick" excuse or an excuse that wasn't the truth to explain why you were acting the way you were or to get out of the situation altogether? Why? (Be careful to distinguish shyness and social anxiety from mere introversion.)

Sick = temporary, shy = permanent? Shy implies a personality defect, plus people would probably get hurt and think you were blaming them for making you feel anxious...

I've only used that excuse a few times, when it became unbearable, and in those cases I really was feeling unwell by that point (dizzy, heart racing, anxious/out of it, etc) so I don't really consider it a lie.

When you realized you had the disorder, how did you familiarize yourself with it? Where did you seek information? What kinds of information about your disorder are most important to you (treatment options, coping skills, causes of the disorder, experiences shared by those afflicted with it)?

I never really realized I had a disorder, I've just always been extremely shy. I don't really know the difference between SA and shyness, or whether I have SA. I know I get extremely anxious/avoidant of many social situations, but I'm not sure what the disorder entails. I'm much better now than I was as a child. I haven't really read much about it, because all the best treatment is exposure, and the thought of that always made me so uncomfortable that I never pursued it. I would be interested in treatment/coping as well as causes. I don't really care about others' experiences, it's not helpful.

What roles do this forum, support groups, and nonprofit organizations play in your life? How important are they to your knowledge, socialization, health and treatment?

none really. The forum is entertaining and a form of social contact outside of my friends, I suppose, but it's not changing anything in that area.

What do you think the public perception of SAD is? Does it match the reality of SAD? What misconceptions do society and even your own family and friends have about the disorder?

I'm not sure. I haven't talked to anyone about it. The few I have, don't really understand that it's not as simple as forcing yourself to talk to people to stop being shy/etc....

Do you think people see social anxiety or shyness as a weakness? Do you think they see it as your fault or as something you can fix?

Yes, definitely. I think they see it as your fault to a degree, because it's something you can fix.

Do you consider it your fault? Do you feel shame because of your disorder?

Yes, I consider it my fault that I haven't gone to the effort of trying to fix it. And shame for the same reason, I suppose.

How much does your shyness define you?

Not much when I'm with my friends, because they don't see it that much. It has a huge impact on my academic/professional life though, and other areas. I don't consider it part of my personality, but rather a bad habit/flaw.

What hope do you have for improvement?

Medium, I guess? I haven't really thought about it.

How acute has it been in the past? If your condition has improved, how did that happen?

as I said above, it was pretty extreme as a child... probably moving to the city and making friends for the first time helped. definitely university helped a lot, though I'm not sure why. differences in attitudes I guess, growing up, etc. I don't know, it wasn't conscious anyway....

HTH

 

[Ivy]

First of all, how acute do you consider your shyness or social anxiety to be?

Formerly severe and near-constant. Currently mild and episodic.

Do you find it easier to talk to people online than in real life? If so, what do you think makes it easier?

Yes. There's no pressure to make the correct facial expressions, and the pace is more like my internal pace. If I am very comfortable with the people in question then the preference is not so pronounced and I can get into a flow with them and keep up the pace of the interaction. This typically only happens with family and very close friends, though once in awhile I have a good night where I feel like I'm "on" with other people.

How much does your disorder inhibit your dating life? In what ways does it inhibit it? What do you think your prospects in dating are?

I'm not dating, but when I was, it was very prohibitive. My social anxiety was telling me that nobody was interested in me and nobody wanted to hear what I had to say, and obviously that included prospective dates.

Why is it, do you think, that people are often more comfortable when someone says, "I'm not feeling well" than when they say, "I'm feeling shy and socially anxious"? If you get a hit of anxiety in a social situation, have you ever used the "I'm feeling sick" excuse or an excuse that wasn't the truth to explain why you were acting the way you were or to get out of the situation altogether? Why? (Be careful to distinguish shyness and social anxiety from mere introversion.)

People are much more comfortable with physical ailments than mental ones across the board, not just when it comes to social anxiety/phobias. For this one in particular, I think people may feel like they ought to be able to make you comfortable with them, and if you feel too shy to socialize, that means they have failed in some way.

When you realized you had the disorder, how did you familiarize yourself with it? Where did you seek information? What kinds of information about your disorder are most important to you (treatment options, coping skills, causes of the disorder, experiences shared by those afflicted with it)?

I participated in a study at Duke University for people with social phobia. It's hard to say which was more helpful, the experiences of the other social phobic people in the group or the insights of the behavioral therapists who helped us desensitize ourselves. I didn't really seek any other information sources because the study worked so well and nearly completely.

What roles do this forum, support groups, and nonprofit organizations play in your life? How important are they to your knowledge, socialization, health and treatment?

Although I no longer consider myself acutely socially phobic I still get a majority of my day-to-day social needs met on this forum and others like it. Before I participated in the study at Duke, another online forum was a helpful step on the way to learning how to interact with people comfortably. And the support group I was a part of at Duke was probably the biggest single factor in my recovery.

What do you think the public perception of SAD is? Does it match the reality of SAD? What misconceptions do society and even your own family and friends have about the disorder?

The public perception is probably one of pity. I can't speak for other social phobics but I'm uncomfortable with being the object of pity. I don't think people with SAD need pity, just understanding. Some others seem to think that if only we could find the right bar, club, or social gathering, we would not have SAD. And while it's true that when I was acutely phobic my symptoms were greatly lessened in the company of people I thought understood me better than the average person, it didn't go away entirely.

Do you think people see social anxiety or shyness as a weakness? Do you think they see it as your fault or as something you can fix?

Absolutely- I think they see it ultimately as a form of self-absorption, and think that we should be able to just get over it.

Do you consider it your fault? Do you feel shame because of your disorder?

I don't really think of it in terms of fault. And I don't feel ashamed anymore.

How much does your shyness define you?

I've become more comfortable with acknowledging that I'll have some shyness at first when I meet new people, and it has become a part of my landscape, but it is no longer all of who I consider myself to be.

What hope do you have for improvement?

I don't think I will improve much more than I already have. I don't think I will magically become comfortable delivering toasts or being in the spotlight, for example.

How acute has it been in the past? If your condition has improved, how did that happen?

It has been severe enough to cause me to cry, blush, and totally avoid social situations in the past. The only thing that helped me improve was slowly desensitizing myself to the symptoms of anxiety by realizing that they would not kill me, and that working through them would make them shrink away eventually.

 

[prplchknz]

First of all, how acute do you consider your shyness or social anxiety to be?

Not very, I guess it depends on the situation. If It's a situation where I'm comfortable not so much. Or if I'm never going to see the people again I'm fine. But asking for something I don't know I just get very anxious about something like that

Do you find it easier to talk to people online than in real life? If so, what do you think makes it easier?

online and strangers. I have no problem going up to a stranger on the street and asking something. If their's a chance I'm going to have to see them again, I get very shy.

How much does your disorder inhibit your dating life? In what ways does it inhibit it? What do you think your prospects in dating are?

No official diagonosis, mostly cuz I don't like to talk about it with people, but people who know me know that I can be very anxious and shy in social situations, to the point of I won't do something I need to and in the end would make my life easier if I could get over the fear of calling people, or talking to someone. I don't want to date, and my mom and others think its the fact that I don't like revealing myself to people and the fact that some information could be used against me.

Why is it, do you think, that people are often more comfortable when someone says, "I'm not feeling well" than when they say, "I'm feeling shy and socially anxious"? If you get a hit of anxiety in a social situation, have you ever used the "I'm feeling sick" excuse or an excuse that wasn't the truth to explain why you were acting the way you were or to get out of the situation altogether? Why? (Be careful to distinguish shyness and social anxiety from mere introversion.)

I usually use the excuse I didn't feel like it, but never I'm not feeling welling or I'm shy. In fact one time I was sick and my room mate was like are you sick? and I was like no I just feel a little nauseous and dizzy and my head's full of goop. and she was like that's the defintion of sick. I don't like admitting I'm sick, I'm convinced I'm hypochondriac now I'm not sure, but I'm convinced any pain i feel is psychological.

When you realized you had the disorder, how did you familiarize yourself with it? Where did you seek information? What kinds of information about your disorder are most important to you (treatment options, coping skills, causes of the disorder, experiences shared by those afflicted with it)?

I haven't really done much I've always been shy, and that was my parents main fear when I was growing up. that I would often be to scared to speak up and people would take advantage of that. Now I still don't always speak up, but have no problems with certain people telling them if they have been a shit head reacently.

What roles do this forum, support groups, and nonprofit organizations play in your life? How important are they to your knowledge, socialization, health and treatment?

I don't like support groups, but then that's just me

What do you think the public perception of SAD is? Does it match the reality of SAD? What misconceptions do society and even your own family and friends have about the disorder?

that if you just go and do all these things you'll be fine. The truth is I've tried those things and each time I'm faced with something that I'm not comfortable doing it's the same process all over again. People are like if you need anything call me, I won't call them. What if their busy? what if they were just being nice but don't want to really do anything with me. I still panic when I make plans do stuff with people I've done stuff a thousand times

Do you think people see social anxiety or shyness as a weakness? Do you think they see it as your fault or as something you can fix?

yes, very much so. same way people see as clinical depression as go exercise and meet people and yayaya etc etc. It's a start but often their is more then people can see.

Do you consider it your fault? Do you feel shame because of your disorder?

Not really, I mean their's worse things to be. Of course I don't know how much of it is me cuz I've been like this before I even started school.

How much does your shyness define you?

not as much as it use to, so I think as time goes on I'll become less shy and socially anxious, but will always be an introvert

What hope do you have for improvement?

realizing that sometimes its ok to interrupt someone would be great.

How acute has it been in the past? If your condition has improved, how did that happen?

I'm not sure, I know it was more acute but I went through 2-3 years of therapy and though it wasn't directly adressed some of the things I was asked to do helped. I still have a long way to go.

 

[kelric]

I'm not certain at all that this applies to me... but I'm in that group of people you asked to complete the survey anyway, so here you go

...

First of all, how acute do you consider your shyness or social anxiety to be?
Fairly acute - it tends to "jump up and grab" me - but it's really fairly predictable when it happens. Put me in a social situation where I'm not grounded in relationships with others I know well, and it'll happen every time. I generally do okay if I'm with a core group of friends, even if there are a lot of others around.

Do you find it easier to talk to people online than in real life? If so, what do you think makes it easier?
For people that I don't know well, it's somewhat easier to talk online. For me, it's mostly the separation - I'm in a comfortable spot (my desk chair), and I'm not as concerned with having to control my body language, etc. It also tends to absolve me of some of my (self-imposed) responsibility to make sure that the interaction is good for everyone.

How much does your disorder inhibit your dating life? In what ways does it inhibit it? What do you think your prospects in dating are?
Hard to say for sure, but something definitely inhibits it . Most of it's just that I'm not often comfortable in situations where I might meet new people - I rarely put myself in that position, and when I do, I tend to be on the lookout for an escape route, and hypersensitive to my own reactions (which I focus highly on inhibiting) and who I might have offended inadvertently. Prospects? Hmm... probably poor. Not giving up, but probably poor.

Why is it, do you think, that people are often more comfortable when someone says, "I'm not feeling well" than when they say, "I'm feeling shy and socially anxious"? If you get a hit of anxiety in a social situation, have you ever used the "I'm feeling sick" excuse or an excuse that wasn't the truth to explain why you were acting the way you were or to get out of the situation altogether? Why? (Be careful to distinguish shyness and social anxiety from mere introversion.)
I think that people generally understand that physical ailments (headache, etc.) are outside of your control, and really don't have much stigma attached. For most physical things, it's easy for most people to find a common frame of reference - everybody's had a headache or an upset stomach at some point. Nonphysical conditions tend not to be those where a common frame of reference exists (at least widely), so they tend to be viewed as a form of weakness or something that anyone should be able to handle easily by force of will.

I have done the "I'm tired" thing to leave certain circumstances early. Mostly it was to be polite - being at a party and saying "I'm antsy and not enjoying myself because there are too many people around" not only sounds bad, it could be considered to be placing blame on the host - which certainly isn't true. It also goes back to the common frame of reference - everyone's been tired and looking to go to sleep - it's an easily understood excuse/reason that nobody will object to. I've also just "disappeared" - although as I've grown older I simply don't put myself in circumstances where that's necessary.

When you realized you had the disorder, how did you familiarize yourself with it? Where did you seek information? What kinds of information about your disorder are most important to you (treatment options, coping skills, causes of the disorder, experiences shared by those afflicted with it)?
Not sure I do, really - so I've not been involved in any of this.

What roles do this forum, support groups, and nonprofit organizations play in your life? How important are they to your knowledge, socialization, health and treatment?
None, really.

What do you think the public perception of SAD is? Does it match the reality of SAD? What misconceptions do society and even your own family and friends have about the disorder?
I'd say that the public perception is one of nonexistence or weakness. I'm not sure how that matches the reality - but I do know that when I get hit with an "episode", that there's not a whole lot of nonexistence going on there. Can't really comment about family/friends - my guess is that they would understand a little bit - but because they care about me, not that they really understand and consider it valid.

Do you think people see social anxiety or shyness as a weakness? Do you think they see it as your fault or as something you can fix?
I'd say yes, most people probably consider it a weakness, and something that isn't necessarily my "fault", that it's something that any adult should be able to easily conquer as a part of maturity.

Do you consider it your fault? Do you feel shame because of your disorder?
Not directly, and not often. I've felt shame at leaving a social situation early because I was getting stressed out about it, but mostly I just feel relief in such situations - I don't back out of or break promises due to it (although I might not *make* promises), so usually I'm not too ashamed - but sometimes a bit... disappointed?

How much does your shyness define you?
In my day-to-day life? Not much... I've sort of grown into a lifestyle where it doesn't much interfere (for better or worse). In social situations, where it's not just me and close friends, it's a pretty big part of who I am at that moment.

What hope do you have for improvement?
I'm not sure... I'm not all that social of a person anyway, so it's not like I'm sitting at home wishing I could be out on the town, so I don't know that a lot of "improvement" is what I'm looking for, but it would be nice to not feel so cornered in sometimes.

How acute has it been in the past? If your condition has improved, how did that happen?
Hmm... it was probably worse when I was a kid... but part of that's the fact that I often wasn't free to simply leave or call it a night - I'd get stuck somewhere and not be able to leave, and wind up sitting by myself in a bathroom or at the foot of a dark, out-of-the-way stairwell. Now, I'd simply say good night / slip out and go home. Getting older itself has probably helped a bit, too - I'm still susceptible to bouts of hmm... anxiety, but I have a few more defense mechanisms against it.

 

[Shaula]

First of all, how acute do you consider your shyness or social anxiety to be?
Right now I would say I have mild social anxiety. However at times in the past it has been severely crippling. I am terrible with meeting new people and usually need a close friend around.

Do you find it easier to talk to people online than in real life? If so, what do you think makes it easier?
Of course, because you don't have a face to scrutinise you.

How much does your disorder inhibit your dating life? In what ways does it inhibit it? What do you think your prospects in dating are?
Let's put it this way... I have to be drunk to get a date. Haha.

Why is it, do you think, that people are often more comfortable when someone says, "I'm not feeling well" than when they say, "I'm feeling shy and socially anxious"? If you get a hit of anxiety in a social situation, have you ever used the "I'm feeling sick" excuse or an excuse that wasn't the truth to explain why you were acting the way you were or to get out of the situation altogether? Why? (Be careful to distinguish shyness and social anxiety from mere introversion.)
I think people with SAD use this excuse because there is no need to explain why you are uncomfortable because of illness. Whereas if the SAD person has to say, "I'm feeling nervous and anxious," others will not immediately understand their pronounced discomfort. This may lead to focusing more attention on the SAD person: "Why are you nervous?" This is the last thing a 'socially inept' person wants to happen, and therefore, it causes even more anxiety. Yes I have used the excuse I'm not feeling well and it's less hastle. However sometimes my anxiety has led me to physical illness.

When you realized you had the disorder, how did you familiarize yourself with it? Where did you seek information? What kinds of information about your disorder are most important to you (treatment options, coping skills, causes of the disorder, experiences shared by those afflicted with it)?
I knew something was wrong with me so I searched for any information I could find online. I think hearing about other's with this disorder made me feel much more comfortable with myself as I realised I was not the only one. (Meaning I felt less shame.)

*Disclaimer: I have never been diagnosed with SAD or any other psychological disorder.

What roles do this forum, support groups, and nonprofit organizations play in your life? How important are they to your knowledge, socialization, health and treatment?
I am new to this forum and haven't established myself so I am mostly here to learn about MBTI. The only support group I have is my family and friends and they have been the most helpful at treating my social anxiety as most of them are a bunch of god damned extroverts. Socialisation in a positive, warm environment and having knowledge that you're accepted for who you are I think was THE most important treatment I received. (And it also helps that one of my close relatives works in a mental hospital. XD She was also able to empathise with my problems as she suffers from panic attacks.)

What do you think the public perception of SAD is? Does it match the reality of SAD? What misconceptions do society and even your own family and friends have about the disorder?
In my opinion I think the general public thinks very little of SAD as they have not experienced how intense it can be. Sort of a "just get over it" or "stop exaggerating" mentality. The usual.

Do you think people see social anxiety or shyness as a weakness? Do you think they see it as your fault or as something you can fix?
I think it depends on the person and whether or not they can empathise with this disorder. But overall I think people don't understand it and therefore confuse it with normal shyness.

Do you consider it your fault? Do you feel shame because of your disorder?
Yes I do feel shame... shame and embarassment. It's not my fault that I developed this way, but it is my responsibility to keep socialising myself and not letting 'automatic negative thoughts' control my life. Otherwise I will regress to my former state.

How much does your shyness define you?
More than I would like it to, as I don't want irrational fear to define who I am. Inside myself I have a thirst for adventure but this social ineptitude always gets in the way.

What hope do you have for improvement?
I have already made a lot of improvement. I'm still socially awkward and sometimes I still freeze up but more and more I find myself more in control of the situation. If I keep working on improving my self confidence and focus less on the beating myself up I will keep improving. I have started to express my opinions without fear of being immediately shot down and I have started to feel free to ask questions.

How acute has it been in the past? If your condition has improved, how did that happen?
Sorry this is long...

I have always been shy since I was a kid, but I had some really ----ed up things happen in my childhood to condition my social anxiety. Sparing the details, I progressively became shyer as I got older. For example, as a child I was absolutely afraid of asking questions to adults, especially male adults. But I was generally sociable with the other kids. Later I became hyper aware of any 'mistakes' I had made, leading to perfectionism. I felt that if I hadn't done it just right then my peers would think ill of me. I started having difficulty with speaking in front of groups. Neither could I take a leading command in a group despite my will to do so.

I got much better after living two years with one of my close friends family (mentioned in the answer to the sixth question). But I regressed horrendiously when I moved to another state and had to be the new person on the block. I was once so anxious about what people thought about me that it drove me to near--if not--psychosis (paranoid delusions). I was so anxious that I lived two years almost completely like a hermit. I became so rediculously shy that I couldn't even take out the garbage in daylight. At this time I also was severely depressed. I 'overcame' this shyness when I realised I needed to do something or else I was doomed. I spent a lot of time researching psychology which eventually lead me to figure out what caused my social anxiety and how to deal with it. This in conjuction with re-socialising with my family has made profound improvment.

 

[bluebell]

I skipped a few questions.

First of all, how acute do you consider your shyness or social anxiety to be?

These days, non-existent to moderate. In the past, though, it was much worse.

Do you find it easier to talk to people online than in real life? If so, what do you think makes it easier?

Usually easier but not always.

I guess there's having more thinking time, easier to leave if I want to, plus the people I've talked to online have been fairly similar to me in terms of personality, so there's less nervousness about being judged for being a bit different.

Why is it, do you think, that people are often more comfortable when someone says, "I'm not feeling well" than when they say, "I'm feeling shy and socially anxious"? If you get a hit of anxiety in a social situation, have you ever used the "I'm feeling sick" excuse or an excuse that wasn't the truth to explain why you were acting the way you were or to get out of the situation altogether? Why? (Be careful to distinguish shyness and social anxiety from mere introversion.)

Because people accept it as not being your fault. Being shy or socially anxious is not understood by those who've never experienced - people don't seem to comprehend that it's not easy to get over. Like with other psychological issues, there often seems to be an attitude of 'just get over it' or it's something to make fun of. I can't imagine ever saying 'gotta go now, I'm feeling too anxious' to anyone other than my partner. And yes, I've used that excuse in the past, for all the reasons in this paragraph.

When you realized you had the disorder, how did you familiarize yourself with it? Where did you seek information? What kinds of information about your disorder are most important to you (treatment options, coping skills, causes of the disorder, experiences shared by those afflicted with it)?

I read a book on overcoming shyness. It was very prescriptive and scheduled and didn't suit me. But I did take on board the suggestion from the book that you do need to desensitise yourself and make yourself realise that while you may feel anxious, it is just anxiety and doesn't mean that anything bad is going to happen.


Do you think people see social anxiety or shyness as a weakness? Do you think they see it as your fault or as something you can fix?

See above.

Do you consider it your fault? Do you feel shame because of your disorder?

When I realised I had it (maybe 4 or 5 years ago), I was ashamed until I realised which events in the past had contributed to it. I'm mostly over that now but shame still comes up now and then when I'm not having a good day.

How much does your shyness define you?

It used to, but not much anymore.

What hope do you have for improvement?

I'm mostly over it now. So, yeah, there's always hope IMO.

How acute has it been in the past? If your condition has improved, how did that happen?

It was crippling in the past. I'd go to an occasional party and leave after an hour or two because the anxiety got overwhelming (although I was kinda in denial about that). I also used to walk the long way round when I was in grad school to avoid having to say hi to people I knew. I missed out on a lot of opportunities to make friends and meet people.

I've now mostly overcome it because I worked out the reasons why I was so socially anxious and so I could be more objective about it. I also made myself socialise no matter how anxious it made me feel (Edit: getting drunk at the pub or at parties helped get over the initial severe anxiety). Silence in conversations is what triggered the worst of the anxiety so I had to learn how to just sit and stay there and not run away. I also watched other people when I was at the pub and noticed that there were a few really quiet people and it was ok for them to sit in silence, so I eventually learnt that it was ok for me to be quiet as well. I also did things like make myself introduce myself to people I didn't know, like at work or at parties. It's horribly awkward to start with but eventually it became something I can do on autopilot.

Desensitising took a long time. It was several years IIRC. I think sometimes people expect desensitising to happen overnight but for me I really had to perservere with it.

I still occasionally have shy/anxious days (usually when I'm in a social situation that I haven't been in before and I don't know what to do) but mostly things are ok. My job also made me get over a lot of it. I have to talk on the phone to a lot of people, some of whom are pretty hostile/unhappy, I run meetings, I give presentations to large groups of people, I make small talk with strangers at conferences etc. Sometimes I even enjoy it.

 

[lane777]

SAD.

This thread is so unsettling. Been sitting here for 10 min trying to think up something useful to say.

Said a prayer for you all instead.

 

[Mempy]

Thanks for all these great and thoughtful responses, guys.

SAD.

This thread is so unsettling. Been sitting here for 10 min trying to think up something useful to say.

Said a prayer for you all instead.

 

[Totenkindly]

First of all, how acute do you consider your shyness or social anxiety to be?

I'm 40 now. In my teens, 20's, and even somewhat into my early 30's, it was devastating. There were times I simply could not go into a public place, and if I did, I avoided everyone I could.

Calling people on the phone even just to make a service call (like credit cards or utilities) took a lot of mental preparation (in rehearsing the conversation dialogue and having it all planned out) and I'd still be extremely nervous and often felt tongue-tied.

Meeting new people was rather like being skinned alive, depending on their personalities. (If they led the conversation and all I had to do was respond, fine. If they were unresponsive, forget it.)

In my worst times, I would even avoid people by taking other routes through the workplace if I heard someone coming, or I wouldn't go in the bathroom if I heard someone in there -- I didn't want to have to talk to them when I was so anxious about what to say and not know ahead of time what might happen.

Do you find it easier to talk to people online than in real life? If so, what do you think makes it easier?

Online.

• It adds an extra "buffer." There's distance there, and I can come and go as I wish.
• It removes any anxiety I have over my physical presence.
• It utilizes my writing, not my speaking, ability. I'm finally getting to the stage where my speaking ability feels comfortable to me and I know I can handle any conversation in real-time. But in the past i only felt competent when writing, not speaking. I know writing is a strength for me, compared to many others.

How much does your disorder inhibit your dating life? In what ways does it inhibit it? What do you think your prospects in dating are?

It was pretty horrible when I was young.
I didn't date much at all.

Nowadays? Meh. I have other issues than the shyness to worry about with dating.

But also, I feel comfortable NOT dating; I would never go out with someone I hadn't already met and realized I'd have a great time with, I wouldn't do blind dates or go out to "pick up someone" at a bar or club.

Why is it, do you think, that people are often more comfortable when someone says, "I'm not feeling well" than when they say, "I'm feeling shy and socially anxious"? If you get a hit of anxiety in a social situation, have you ever used the "I'm feeling sick" excuse or an excuse that wasn't the truth to explain why you were acting the way you were or to get out of the situation altogether? Why? (Be careful to distinguish shyness and social anxiety from mere introversion.)

Not feeling well first of all sounds like it's something you can't control, and it's also temporary. You should feel better shortly.

Being shy and/or socially anxious to some people is something you have to "rise above" (whether or not that is true). But also, it's pervasive, part of a person's psychological makeup, and so it's not going away; people might not want to commit long-term to someone who struggles with it, it's a "negative" trait to them.

When you realized you had the disorder, how did you familiarize yourself with it? Where did you seek information? What kinds of information about your disorder are most important to you (treatment options, coping skills, causes of the disorder, experiences shared by those afflicted with it)?

I read lots of books, and eventually the Internet, once I became aware that there were others with similar issues.

What roles do this forum, support groups, and nonprofit organizations play in your life? How important are they to your knowledge, socialization, health and treatment?

The online community saved me in the sense it provided enough interaction so that I could gain confidence in who I was, develop some friendships I could expand into real life, figure out what things were important in life, etc. Eventually I started to move from online into physical relationships since the online world can only fulfill part of my needs as a person.

SUpport groups were helpful for a bit; I only did online things, really. At some point, support groups become more about me (1) meeting new people and (2) helping people who are worse off than me, they weren't necessarily helpful to me anymore since mostly people just talk about what they don't like.

What do you think the public perception of SAD is? Does it match the reality of SAD? What misconceptions do society and even your own family and friends have about the disorder?

Geez. I think most people unless they have experience just think "get over it." Once they have people who are debilitated by it in their lives, then they feel sort of helpless; there's little you can do to get someone to overcome the fear, at least nothing short-term. It demands a change in a person's feelings of confidence and self-esteem.

Do you think people see social anxiety or shyness as a weakness? Do you think they see it as your fault or as something you can fix?

I think it can be combated by (1) successful relationships and/or interactions with others and (2) increased feelings of self-esteem and honesty with oneself. Often there are components of self-loathing or self-ugliness -- "I am not acceptable to others because I'm not <adjective> enough" -- and the whole point is to say either, "Actually, I'm not those awful things," OR "I might actually be bad at the things I fear... but it does not change my value or acceptability as a person."

Do you consider it your fault? Do you feel shame because of your disorder?

I guess at times I have felt embarrassment inside over having such a hard time of it, and wishing I could join the group... and I would have to fight hard to not cater to those feelings and just join the group anyway.

How much does your shyness define you?

Not as much now. But the skills i developed BECAUSE I was shy (such as studying situations first, being hypersensitive to social cues, being aware of internal anxiety, being very aware of what responses trigger what reactions, etc.) are useful skills in the right contexts.

 

[garbage]

First of all, how acute do you consider your shyness or social anxiety to be?

Practically nonexistent, now. My friends call me a social butterfly and joke about how many activities I have on my calendar, how busy I keep myself with friends and acquaintances. Pretty much all of my hobbies have a group of people involved. I also actively involve myself in the lives of other people and take a genuine interest in them, trying to help them realize their full potential.

In high school, I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder and placed on Paxil. My social anxiety used to be absolutely horrible, to the point where I actually hated other people because I didn't realize a problem with myself. I had fears of crowds, felt rejected and conspired against by groups of people, didn't associate with anyone in high school.. and so on. I used to spend most of my free time in my room, dabbling in isolated hobbies and focusing on my career and schoolwork.

Do you find it easier to talk to people online than in real life? If so, what do you think makes it easier?

I'm good at "off-the-cuff" conversations now, but talking to people through email, chatting, or texting is often still easier for me.. but for reasons not attributed to anxiety anymore.

While I used to rely on online conversations to allow me to craft my responses out of fear, I now use those tools to communicate basically asynchronously. Sometimes, I can't sync my schedule with people I want to talk to, so I have to do it over email rather than by phone.

How much does your disorder inhibit your dating life? In what ways does it inhibit it? What do you think your prospects in dating are?

I was involved with girls in high school, but I never allowed anyone to get too close to me.. I don't think I gave anyone a second date. In college, I never dated because I thought it was hopeless to even try.

Now, I realize what I have to offer, and I'm picky and very selective when it comes to those I date.. maybe a bit too much so.

Why is it, do you think, that people are often more comfortable when someone says, "I'm not feeling well" than when they say, "I'm feeling shy and socially anxious"? If you get a hit of anxiety in a social situation, have you ever used the "I'm feeling sick" excuse or an excuse that wasn't the truth to explain why you were acting the way you were or to get out of the situation altogether? Why? (Be careful to distinguish shyness and social anxiety from mere introversion.)

Everyone can relate to not feeling well, but not everyone can relate to something like social anxiety. I used to use the "not feeling well" excuse a lot when I had to duck out.

Although, it is truthful.. anxiety isn't exactly a good feeling.

When you realized you had the disorder, how did you familiarize yourself with it? Where did you seek information? What kinds of information about your disorder are most important to you (treatment options, coping skills, causes of the disorder, experiences shared by those afflicted with it)?

Like any problem I want to solve, I researched it in great detail through books, conversations with doctors, articles, online postings, forums, therapists.. you name it. I found the collection of all of the information useful in talking about the same problem.

What roles do this forum, support groups, and nonprofit organizations play in your life? How important are they to your knowledge, socialization, health and treatment?

I was in group therapy for a while and found it to be one of the best resources I could use.

What do you think the public perception of SAD is? Does it match the reality of SAD? What misconceptions do society and even your own family and friends have about the disorder?

Do you think people see social anxiety or shyness as a weakness? Do you think they see it as your fault or as something you can fix?

Everyone always tells shy people to break out of their shells and have fun. They're It just plain doesn't come easily when anxiety is involved.

Do you consider it your fault? Do you feel shame because of your disorder?

How much does your shyness define you?

What hope do you have for improvement?

How acute has it been in the past? If your condition has improved, how did that happen?

I always wondered why I wasn't strong enough to interact with other people, which left me ashamed and depressed for a very, very long time. I started therapy about two years ago, and it worked wonders for me. I still struggle with self-esteem and some anxiety issues from time to time, but it's been a great improvement overall. I've led group therapy sessions in an effort to help others with the same sort of problems.

My interest in exactly how therapy could help people led me to become very, very interested in psychology, which has completely defined my career. So, yeah, if it weren't for my experiences, I probably never would have found that out.

If anyone (including the OP) has any other questions for me, feel free to shoot them my way!

 

[bluebell]

If anyone (including the OP) has any other questions for me, feel free to shoot them my way!

I guess I'm curious about how you actually overcame the social anxiety. Did you work on desensitising yourself to social situations? Or was it more along the lines of working on other emotional stuff which spontaneously led to the anxiety lifting? Or something else?

 

[garbage]

Certainly.. I think "I had therapy" isn't exactly a helpful answer.

Anxiety in general definitely runs in my family. My dad's also an ENTJ, and he, my sister (ENFJ?), and I all suffer from it.

I was on Paxil in high school, which was supposed to help. It did nothing except for make me not give a damn about anything, and I came off it my senior year of high school so that I could pick my grades up and actually do things.

I did get myself out there more and more during college, but I still had horrible self-esteem issues and depression until I started therapy. It took me until after college to be able to trust doctors and therapists again.

To answer your question, it was really working simultaneously on both the emotional (depression) aspect and also "getting myself out there" as my therapist guided me. Those issues were definitely connected; there's a perpetual feedback loop between self-esteem or hatred of others, and anxiety and depression--they feed on each other. Through therapy sessions, I found that I could relate to and read other people. My therapist also coaxed me into taking more risks, such as going to a concert out of town. I also started on medication for the depression, which helped lift me out of the depression enough to get me out there even more. Things pretty much started improving from there.

Like I said, I still struggle with self-esteem issues, and I had a bunch of major changes in my life recently that led me to question who exactly I was. Putting it in typing terms, I couldn't find a type that exactly fit me until I came full circle, back to ENTJ as I originally tested two years or so ago.

I used to beat myself up over never being complacent with the present, looking toward the future, and being anxious until I realized that those aspects helped me become the person that I am. I recognize my gifts and work to minimize my faults. I must admit that typing and cognitive theories have contributed greatly to that understanding and acceptance.

One recent development is my ability to let go of "should have's" and "should do's." I think I'm more inclined to do what comes naturally to me, and I'm a lot happier as a result.

Oh, and the Ten Days to Self-Esteem workbook is a godsend for anxiety and depression issues.


Maybe this snippet from my introductory post will help, too:

Through therapy, I discovered that I was actually able to subconsciously "read" other people--starting with mere facial expressions--when I thought that I didn't have that ability. This led to me slowly getting myself out in social settings. When I "broke out of my shell," so to speak, I became very, very interested in helping others do the same. I became the person who would introduce himself to others and include them whenever I felt that they might be lonely or in need of someone to talk to. The first time I was called "brave" in a social situation was one of the defining moments of my development as a person. I found that I could relate to most anyone and could find some initial thread of communication that allowed others to open up to me. I find that I'm happiest when I'm around others, and I strive to meet new people. Part of my drive to meet others is so that I can learn from them.. many of my core beliefs and understandings have been shaped based upon the collective experiences I've had in interacting with others.

I'll be glad to answer anything about social anxiety, anxiety in general, depression, and so on.

 

[htb]

I'll be glad to answer anything about social anxiety, anxiety in general, depression, and so on.

No questions, but a bookmark. Lately I've become concerned that old maladaptations to experiences affect me more these days than I thought. I'll look into that book.

 

[Travo7]

First of all, how acute do you consider your shyness or social anxiety to be?

Hard to say. Some days I think I have a grasp on it, or that I've figured out a way to overcome (or maybe its the meds??), and other days I feel totally overwhelmed. It's like trying to climb a rainy, wet mountain only to hit a mudslide which takes you back all the way down.

(Just so you know what I "have" : Anxious Depression, which in my case is SAD + Depression.)


Do you find it easier to talk to people online than in real life? If so, what do you think makes it easier?

That's a hard one. Of course there are certain elements of online communication that, as others have said, can prevent things like an awkward silence, or going blank during a conversation, but I sometimes get anxious about possibly being misunderstood, or unclear when posting, because most of the time I'm not face to face with anyone, so if there is a misunderstanding, then I feel like I have missed the opportunity to explain myself (I don't think I was able to say what I meant to).
Basically, I just get really nervous when I post anything.

How much does your disorder inhibit your dating life? In what ways does it inhibit it? What do you think your prospects in dating are? I'm married, so it does happen, even to people who suffer this kind of thing.

Why is it, do you think, that people are often more comfortable when someone says, "I'm not feeling well" than when they say, "I'm feeling shy and socially anxious"? If you get a hit of anxiety in a social situation, have you ever used the "I'm feeling sick" excuse or an excuse that wasn't the truth to explain why you were acting the way you were or to get out of the situation altogether? Why? (Be careful to distinguish shyness and social anxiety from mere introversion.)

I think because it is seen as a weakness, or in the minds of many disorders like these equate to the person being a "wuss" (or even weak-minded).
Actually in middle school, I just used the "I'm tired" approach, which means isolating yourself in a quiet corner to "get some sleep." Why? To avoid more awkward feelings, I suppose.

What roles do this forum, support groups, and nonprofit organizations play in your life? How important are they to your knowledge, socialization, health and treatment?
I really just come here to "talk" with others about mbti stuff because I don't really know anyone IRL that is dorky enough to do that with me.

What do you think the public perception of SAD is? Does it match the reality of SAD? What misconceptions do society and even your own family and friends have about the disorder?

I think, actually, that many people don't even acknowledge it as a disorder. Almost like it's an excuse for cowardice, or laziness. Or something...

Do you think people see social anxiety or shyness as a weakness? Do you think they see it as your fault or as something you can fix?

Yes, I do. Yes, yes, yes... sometimes even close friends seem to think that I'm not trying hard enough, which sucks. I try real hard sometimes.


Do you consider it your fault? Do you feel shame because of your disorder?

My fault? No, but I don't blame anyone else for it either. Shame? Sometimes...I guess...


Whew, I'm tired, I can't answer anymore right now.

 

[anii]

Caveat: I haven't been diagnosed with this disorder, it's just my self perception that I have features of it.

First of all, how acute do you consider your shyness or social anxiety to be?

It depends on how I percieve the person(s) I am interacting (their social status mainly) and the context of the interaction (group vs. one-on-one, public speaking vs. conversation).

Do you find it easier to talk to people online than in real life? If so, what do you think makes it easier?

Not necessarily, because there is more potential for misunderstanding online than in IRL, due to lack of body language. In general though I feel more comfortable with written communication than with verbal, so in that sense it's easier.

How much does your disorder inhibit your dating life? In what ways does it inhibit it? What do you think your prospects in dating are?

The social anxiety symptoms I experienced in my younger years were very inhibiting; I used to compensate by drinking too much. Which is risky and habit-forming. My standards and objectives for dating have changed drastically in recent years. I have a more realistic perspective on what I want and what I believe I can get. I feel more confident in myself and therefore pretty much get what I want, within the limits of my standards and objectives. So the prospects, they are great at the moment.

Why is it, do you think, that people are often more comfortable when someone says, "I'm not feeling well" than when they say, "I'm feeling shy and socially anxious"? If you get a hit of anxiety in a social situation, have you ever used the "I'm feeling sick" excuse or an excuse that wasn't the truth to explain why you were acting the way you were or to get out of the situation altogether? Why? (Be careful to distinguish shyness and social anxiety from mere introversion.)

In nutshell, medical excuses are more socially acceptable than psychological excuses. The latter put others on the defensive or make them feel uncomfortable because they don't know what they are expected to do in that situation. Sadly, mental health issues have been swept under the carpet, marginalized, and exaggerated/stereotyped in our society and media, so most people don't know how to deal with them. It's the fear of the unknown and people tend to reject or distance themselves from the unknown.

Therefore, it's much easier to say "I'm tired" which was my most often used response when I'd suddenly go quiet due to anxiety and someone would ask what's wrong. I suppose "I don't feel well" would work just as well.

When you realized you had the disorder, how did you familiarize yourself with it? Where did you seek information? What kinds of information about your disorder are most important to you (treatment options, coping skills, causes of the disorder, experiences shared by those afflicted with it)?

I discovered I had acute performance anxiety while leading career workshops for mid- to upper-level professionals. I ended up having to quit because I couldn't take the stress anymore. I've practiced meditation, breathing, and exercise since then. I've looked into beta-blockers; if I ever have the opportunity to do that kind of work again (I loved it, which made having to stop all the more painful) I will insist on a prescription.

For some reason, perceived (not necessarily actual) social status really pushes all of my buttons.

What roles do this forum, support groups, and nonprofit organizations play in your life? How important are they to your knowledge, socialization, health and treatment?

Aside from this particular thread, I wouldn't say this specific forum has helped. There is a local "shyness and social anxiety" meetup I'm on the mailing list for. I haven't had time to go to a meeting. I suspect that's because, like I said earlier, I probably do not have the full disorder, just random symptoms of it. My social life is quite full, my work is fulfilling both professionally and socially, so I haven't really seen a need to go. Still, I maintain a membership on the mailing list, so I must still see a need to keep it in my back pocket, just in case.

What do you think the public perception of SAD is? Does it match the reality of SAD? What misconceptions do society and even your own family and friends have about the disorder?

I think people with this disorder have an uphill battle. There is alot of social stigma attached to being "shy" or "introverted" or in any way socially awkward. All you have to do is watch one or two reality show episodes to see how these kinds of "outsiders" are treated. The US in particular is skewed toward Extraversion, that is what is recognized and rewarded.

I think the greatest misperception people have is that we can "just get over it" somehow, through sheer force of will. Unfortunately, I've found that this sort of pressure only results in increased anxiety. I've found the best practice is to acknowledge it is there, to embrace or accept it, this has the effect of dissipating it. Still, there are biochemical factors involved - adrenaline, norepinephrene, blood sugar levels, thyroid, etc. - all of these can make one feel overly revved up and enervated. It's not a simple thing to treat.

Do you think people see social anxiety or shyness as a weakness? Do you think they see it as your fault or as something you can fix?

Absolutely. All of the above.

Do you consider it your fault? Do you feel shame because of your disorder?

Absolutely not. (I used to though.) Except to the extent that now I know there are steps I can take to manage and minimize it, that is, I do not own any feelings of guilt or shame about it.

How much does your shyness define you?

I don't know if I am shy. I know that sometimes I feel shy or behave in a shy manner. I usually tell the person I am feeling shy, oddly it makes me seem more appealing to them.

What hope do you have for improvement?

Aside from the steps I've already listed, having access to continued research on what works.

How acute has it been in the past? If your condition has improved, how did that happen?

It was more acute in the past. Improvement has been due to education, experimentation, self-awareness, and self-advocacy.