Reflections...

[INFtha14]

I sit here thinking of memories past .

Of my experiences, good times that have brought growth to me. Moments that have left me in aww in it's beauty.

One that stands out is from a time when I was volunteering at a hospital cafeteria of which I loved it.

I loved serving them their food, playing bingo with them, talking with them as they tell me stories of their life. I got attached to quite a few of the elderly there. There was this lady that reminded me so much of my grandmother, she crocheted like her too. I was in her room just sitting with her and talking. It was nice.

There were these two old couple that would bicker *jokingly* like a married couple. This guy apparently had alzheimers and they were pretty much dating hehe. I would love to be the one to deliver them their food as i'd chat with them. Or witness one of their hilarious marriage like babbles as the "girlfriend" would say how he does this or that xD then he'll defend against it saying how she does this and that. Really they were yanking each others chain as good buddies. I got quite attached to them as well.

In the cafeteria quite a few times I'd see a priest who would always come in for lunch. I always thought how nervous i'd be if i'd have his tray of food to hand to him. It'd be an honor but i'd be so nervous inside haha. But I would love the honors, I also wondered when I was told " here is the tray for father -----" *can't remember xD*. I was told to call him father so on and so on. First thing I thought in my head was " omg... I actually will get to serve him. But I also wonder till today who am I to serve him but I couldn't help but feel so humbled to have an opportunity as such :O.

Simply cause his whole life is to serve god and his children so maybe in a backwards way i'd be giving back by serving him? But I still didn't/don't feel worthy heh.

Simply humbled especially when I was done he placed his hand over mine and said "God bless you". It was the most sincere act of affection from one human to another that I will never forget it. I'll always remember it when i'm old this kind priest.

I was simply in aww to have such an experience presented to myself. Reminds me there is some god out there, may not be some big booming voice/man up in the clouds but he's out there somewhere guiding our actions even if we get hard times, there's a reason why we experience those hard times.

You can say it's probability that I agree with . My dad died cause he happened to get cancer from his smoking but I still believe his death sparked a search for self on my end and to feel connections with the universe and others all the more deeply with true authenticity . It was meant to happen his death in that way. It just part of the cycle of life and death. I find such deepness in the cycle of this as it feels something beyond the self. Makes me feel so small when I look at the stars and think how the universe was made, how it began, how we all as humans are made of the same matter from when the big bang happened. It makes me want to cry at the interconnection we all share amongst one another via that route heh.

Even such simple memories of strangers I don't know. I was out with the family to a buffet and there was this women standing deciding what she wanted. I was as well haha.

She was telling me " you can go ahead if you want i'm having trouble deciding what I want haha."
Me: hah.. yeah i'm having the same problem. Don't worry it's all so yummy looking, makes it hard to know where to even begin." *we shared a laugh over it. Two strangers who don't even "know" one another but yet we were able to act in harmony. Why can't the world be like that. I don't see color, religion, beliefs as obsticles I believe we are all souls and have that same basic human drive/need to make sense of this crazy world. We are all uncertain/looking for answers/ wonder about our purpose in this world imho.

One time I remembered feeling drawn to this one kid who had a vulnerable nature from where I was working I just wanted to protect. He was one of the sweetest kids. I just remember standing there watching all these kids run around playing outside before their parents get them as the others and i played with them pretty much heh.

At one point I was standing watching a few kids running around and this sweet kid out of no where comes up to me and just hugs me.
Next thing he looks up to me and says " Hi..."
I say " Hi there" *I gently hug him in return*
Then he unexpectedly says before he departs
"love ya" I'm usual uncomfortable with expressing such sentiments but this was a child that I did feel a holistic love just like with the others/any kids so I decided i'd say it back.

It touched my heart to see a child to be able to open their heart to an individual they somewhat know.

It's amazing feeling one with others/the universe/life/process of how life and death works. It makes me feel so small and insignificant but part of something so wonderful and heart warming . I love life, people and the connection I feel with everything I feel around me. I feel it with the animals, even those really small almost unnoticable ones for they are part of the cycle of life and death.

We all have purpose here. I would think when they "we are one". That's what they'd mean imo... as in we are all made from the same matter from when the universe began. So stop the fighting, stop the hating, spread love .

Another touching note of being right outside the room when my neice and nephew were born. That is god... the universe . Babies and children/animals straight from the source raw and pure.