My life refuses to make sense

[Chimerical]

About a week ago...
Work was going great. I was getting hours in. There's a girl there that likes me, who I'm just not that into. I just pretend not to notice she's into me.

I was upset about Amy not wanting to date me.

I had met some girl, Jenna, with red hair that was kinda cute. [I fuckin' love red hair]. But she was into someone else.

Overall, I was lonely and depressed, but had money.


So one day I get really drunk and delete every contact in my phone.

I was tired of Meagan, my fuck buddy, who occasionally does shit that pisses me off [which is why she was just a fuck buddy]. I was tired of Amy cause she made me depressed all the time. I didn't wanna talk to Jenna either. And none of my "friends" ever texted me or tried to get in touch. So, fuck'em all. I deleted all my phone contacts.

Probably one of the greatest decisions I've ever made.

So I hear about DEMF [Detroit Electronic Music Fest]. I go there.

rewind. Ten years back.
I created a Xanga account and met this girl Deidra. Really liked her after talking for a while. I got a myspace and added her there. Then we moved to facebook and added each other. A few times I lost contact with her, but we always found each other.

We'd make plans to see each other that always failed.

At some point in time, while depressed Deidra made me promise that I wouldn't commit suicide until I saw her. We decided we had to meet each other before we died.

Neither of us have attempted suicide since, despite having those moments when shit sucks and you really want to.

So, DEMF.
The first day I'm there I meet this really nice girl. And she starts saying and doing stuff that makes me like her...

I didn't want that. I really didn't fucking want it. I pushed her away. I told her I'm insecure, unhappy, depressed all the time, kinda clingy and really weird. She insisted on being friends, my better judgement said "NONONONONONONONO"

She wanted me to come hang out with her and her friends. I know this is going to be depressing as shit for me. I said I didn't want to. She gets my number and starts texting me.

She apparently just broke up with her boyfriend, doesn't want to date, and isn't [according to her] the type to have sex outside a relationship. So... pretty much the same shit as Amy going on with her. It's just going to make me depressed as shit cause I liked her. So, I erased her number and stopped talking to her.


I go back to DEMF the next day.

Randomly I ran into Deidra. We danced for a bit, made out, and she was sitting on my lap. She gave me her number [which I had at some point, but deleted out of my phone while really drunk].

She's sitting down and some guys got his arm around her and I'm looking at it, and thought . o O ( yeah, I don't fuckin' need this shit ) and left.

So, I'm off on ginger quest again. I have a fox safety pinned to my pants and I'm looking for a girl who's hair matches the fox. Cause I fuckin' love red hair.

I find a few that're close.

Then some fat chick tries to make out with me. I kisses her back out of politeness, then ditched her. Cause, no fatties. I take care of my body, you can take care of yours.

Near the end of the night I run into this girl with hair the color of fire. I loved it. We danced and made out and danced some more and made out more.

Then the show ended. So I walked with her and her friends while holding her hand. And kissed her before I left.

We started texting and she's really sweet. I fucking love nice people. She's funny too.

So, we're supposed to be hanging out tomorrow.

Deidra wants to hang out with me too. I'm not sure I want to though. I like Jessie, the foxy foxed colored hair girl. Jessie's hot and she's really nice too. Deidra's nice also, but I'm not sure she's that into me.

And I don't want to be depressed anymore. I just want someone to have fun with and be happy.

I've been texting Jessie all day today and yesterday.