Meeting Another Bohemian

[small.wonder]

I know we go on and on here about how many 4's exist on internet forums, but in my real life they are quite scarce.

I've been working on an independent Enneagram based project since Autumn, which has forced me given me the opportunity to meet and interview a lot of already typed individuals. My aim was to start small with just a male and a female of each core type, this proved to be mostly simple because I go to a giant church that encourages Enneagram as a tool for personal/relational growth. I say mostly because specific types were more challenging that others, 4, 5 and 8 to be specific. I completed the 5 and 8 sets recently, but ended up needing to step into the project as the female 4 because I couldn't find another one (and I wanted to move the project along).

Low and behold though, afterwards, my friend (the male 4) mentioned that he knew another female 4w5. Even though I'd finished the portion of the project, I was still excited just to talk with her! I had never met another 4w5, much less another female one. Long story short, she and I met for coffee a couple of weeks ago and it was so interesting-- we talked for 3 hours! I do believe she is accurately typed, but she is so different from me. She's much more laid back and free with her humor than I am, goofier and more extroverted (though I think she is technically an introvert)-- I felt darker, more focused and analytical by comparrison. Because of those differences, I brought up tritype and instinctual variant and we ended up determining her to be 469, So-first.

One of the many things we had in common was the struggle to stay focused creatively when working alone (she's a musician and I draw/paint and work with leather). I love that we both have flexible schedules (most of my friends work M-F, 9-5) and I've even thought about inviting her to share my work-space-- I love to work (independent of each other) in the same room with artists of different media. It's inspiring and keeps me on track somehow.

Overall, interesting and allowed me to feel a little more normal about some of my issues. Specifically the abhorrence to arrogance thing, and how it cripples us-- we talked about that at length.

 

[Animal]

Very cool project. What do you mean by "the abhorrence to arrogance" thing?

 

[Fun in the Sun]

Interesting. I think I'm a 4w3, which I think keeps my 4 hidden from most others for the sake of appearances. The 4w5 doesn't seem to care and I respect that, but it is something that seems out of my reach psychologically. It's like if I didn't care as much about image I would be "the bohemian". The only people who are able to bring that aspect out are 4w5s. But even around bohemians I feel that I don't quite fit in. Strange. Like your friend I like humor and being goofy, but my interests can be quite dark/analytical. I just can't stay there for very long. My personal artwork can be quite dark, but I tend to focus on art that other people would appreciate.

Sorry, this was your blog :/ I've been thinking a lot about my enneagram lately, and your blog just struck a chord with me.

 

[Chthonic]

Could you post some of your artwork? i'd like to see some 4w5 art. Please.

 

[4Weird5]

I'm a 4(w5) and I'm not sure how many 4s I've met. They do seem to be a rare breed.

 

[laurapants08]

I'm happy to read such a positive response when it comes to a meeting between not only two 4's but two female 4's. From this blog alone it seems like both of you have quite the dynamic. I hope you have a friendship that grows! Best of luck and I hope you both flourish creativity together. Maybe a collaboration project. you could paint to her music? I've always wanted to do a collaboration project with another creative soul, as long as someone gets the opportunity I'll feel some sort of satisfaction haha!

 

[small.wonder]

Holy crap, clearly I am horrible at keeping up with responding to comments here-- so sorry!

Very cool project. What do you mean by "the abhorrence to arrogance" thing?

Hey, thanks lady! The more I've read and interviewed others, the more I think that trait is really a mix between 1) a distaste for the inauthentic (narcissism or self promotion feels that way to me) and 2) something 5'ish I haven't quite put my finger on yet.

Interesting. I think I'm a 4w3, which I think keeps my 4 hidden from most others for the sake of appearances.

If that's the case, you are more likely 3w4-- as the 3 would be taking priority.

The 4w5 doesn't seem to care and I respect that, but it is something that seems out of my reach psychologically. It's like if I didn't care as much about image I would be "the bohemian".

But you do, so you aren't, and that's okay. Yeah, I mean I care about my image matching my identity but that tends to mean that I hate falsehood, or facade (which is more 3).

The only people who are able to bring that aspect out are 4w5s. But even around bohemians I feel that I don't quite fit in. Strange. Like your friend I like humor and being goofy, but my interests can be quite dark/analytical. I just can't stay there for very long. My personal artwork can be quite dark, but I tend to focus on art that other people would appreciate.

Yeah, approval seeking-- that is the difference, I don't really do that at all. I kind of do the opposite really, refuse to give or accept approval (which can be bad).

Sorry, this was your blog :/ I've been thinking a lot about my enneagram lately, and your blog just struck a chord with me.

Don't be sorry at all, I love when others interject thoughts and broaden the picture!

[MENTION=22016]Chthonic[/MENTION] I'm pretty self conscious about my artwork, it's rarely seen the light of day for years. I am working on that though (learning how to share it), so perhaps I'll share some here at some point.

[MENTION=23587]4Weird5[/MENTION] I hear you sistah.

[MENTION=24606]laurapants08[/MENTION] Hey, thanks. It's interesting though, I haven't really been able to continue a friendship with the girl I wrote about above-- I tried, but she was kind of flaky and didn't reciprocate. That, in addition to a lot of other things since have caused me to question her typing after all (not entirely, I think the fixes were right, it's just determining if she's 4, 6 or 9). Her social media presence is just far more self focused and happy-go-lucky than I would expect from a 4w5, and she's far more chill than intense (in my opinion). I'm leaning towards 9 with a 4 fix, but am not certain yet. I do agree that a friendship with another 4 would be cool, though I think they'd have to be pretty emotionally healthy for me to get along with.