Chimerical
Permabanned
- Joined
- Apr 30, 2008
- Messages
- 898
- MBTI Type
- INTJ
- Enneagram
- 1w5
I was reading Jonny the Homicidal Maniac. I'm absolutely sure he's an INTJ, and have great suspicion Mr.V [how the hell is his last name spelled] is as well. I'm a lot like nny in many ways. I don't exactly go around killing people nor do I talk to inaminate objects that are a part of my conscienceness leaked out and attached as some form of social disfunction.
But I don't exactly like people, most of them. Socially nny will be in a situation where someone annoys him, they're not getting it, and he tells them they annoy him and should leave. So far there aren't any instances I've seen where they actually left. The next scene involves them dying a horrible death at the hands of nny. This is where I deviate. With me the next scene involves Riley feeding me with things to do and say. I hear a comment from Riley and I say it.
I.E. A girl wearing a belly shirt comes over to me for small talk as I'm smoking a cigarette. I know her, I don't like her. She's one of the most superficial petty people I know. Very selfish. ESFJ. She has the giving thing ESFJ's all seem to have, but she's still a bitch none the less. I wont be bought by material possessions she wants to offer [which all have strings tied tight around them]. I say [my thoughts, Riley isn't helping hear] "I came out for a smoke because I wanted a little time to myself." She continues talking to me about nonsense without getting the hint. Riley jumps in, I tell her what I hear from him "How far along are you?"
"What?!?" She replies.
With my hand on her stomache "I can feel it kicking, looks like you got a little soccer player in there."
"Fuck you!" She exits my personal bubble and joins someone else's.
"We can't all be perfectly skinny like you!!!" Yells one of her friends.
I think . o O ( Yeah you can. I work out regularly, moniture what I eat, and my workout plan involves a diffent workout everyday to throw off the downsides routine has on your body's ability to adapt and make it worthless. Improves your mata....blah blah blah) Riley says "If you say nothing they'll stay over there and leave you alone. That's why you came out to smoke. That's why you called her fat. To be alone"
I say nothing.
Oh yeah, Riley!! HAHA. No, I'm not insane. I'm not hearing voices in my head, none that aren't mine anyway. Riley is what I've named my unconscience. The way this works is intuition. I get an answer to a problem instantly, but I understand that I already had all the information needed to get hear step by step, so it's nothing magical or psychic or whatever fancy smancy lable someone would want to give it. My unconscience puts all the information together faster than my conscience can. I suggested, consciencely, that it'd work better if I gave it a name. What to name it...hmm....I'll let it decide. After drawing a complete blank, the first name that came to mind was Riley. After doing the same about 32 times, different days, different moods, I came up with Riley EVERY time. And so I named my unconscience.
Back to the INTJ thing and JTHM. Aside from killing people, I relate very well to him. I don't care about cosmetics. I don't care what others think most of time. I deal with social situations nearly the same. He's an INTJ and maybe, just maybe I am as well.
Then there's this issue I'm having, aside from INTJ/INFP/IN?? issues. I know I'm IN, but I'm always around people. Far too often. I'm always depressed.
I found, recently, as I've been over my friend Aarons house, that I really have fallen away from my introverted nature. It's why I'm not happy. Then I thought about when I was happiest.
A different life. A different home. A different world.
I had my own room in a three bedroom apartment shared with my 2 siblings and I. They never came in my room, I never went in theirs, except for times we'd watch movies together in my sister's since her's was the biggest.
My room had a T.V., Gamecube [at the time, the newest generation of consoles], a large supply of comicbooks, textbooks, novels, 3 different pairs of dumbbells, chin-up bar, and a Keyboard with headphones [very high quality headphones]. I had means to make my own clothing, even a silk screen with ink and whatever the hell that green plastic stuff is you cut your designs out of.
I was very very happy. I had a job that didn't require me to talk to people. I went to school and didn't say a word in class [usually didn't go unless I had a test. College was great for that].
I knew a lot of people from town because I skateboarded, jogged, went to the gym, and played piano's in the con. But I didn't have to associate with them if I didn't want to and no one pressed me to do so.
NOW.
I go to the same fucking coffee shop EVERYNIGHT. When I was rereading JTHM I noticed it fit the description of the coffee shop he went to in the book [which makes me a little depressed that that only means that the majority of coffee shops are the same]. Or I can stay home with nothing to do, other than workout. I have crazy fines on my library cards that prevent me from checking anything out. No job to fix that situation. And a newly aquired friend who always wants me to come with him to the coffee shop and other places and urges me to be more social [but he's a good kid so I'm not mean to him (damn EXTP's)].
Steve. He's the one always trying to get me out of the house without reallizing it's poison to me. He hears that my previous best friend, Hayley, and me and no longer friends and investigates why I decided this. On the surface it looks as if it's because she began dating some other guy and I really really really liked her. If someone wants to believe that, I don't care, otherwise I'd be running around telling everyone why I really made that decision.
But it's a little deeper. Here's why people like Steve will annoy me and wont last as a long term friend: I know myself better than anything else I know. I know me better than most people know themselves. Because of this a lot of people don't accept that I know me so well.
I'm aware of how I'll react to given scenario's and situations. I always know what I'll do. I'm a constant to me. People are Variables to me. I don't know what they'll do.
The situation is a little deeper than some girl I was good friends dates some other guy, so in a selfish sulking mood I childishly say "We're no longer friends." Or a heartless robot mood "we are not friends."
If I were to stay friends with this girl it would open up something very horrible deep inside me. All the frustration of past failures related to girls. I may try to single this one out and dissassociate it with the past, but I WILL fail. I know this. So, first I'll make multiple excuses why I can't hang out with her, so I can have time to myself without hurting her feellings. She'll press me to hang out and pull that "we're friends, we should hang out." crap. Then I'll be around one time when she's with her bf and she'll kiss him in front of me, which she already has. I'll get angry, but I wont show it. Things will get to a point where I get hyper angsty and bitchy, then I'll explode and say and do something really cruel that'll make her feel as bad as I do. All the time, fighting the urge to do so. I'm slave to my emotions.
So, to avert this, I disconnected with her before it could happen. She'll be upset. I will too. She can hate me all she wants, but at least she wont feel the wrath of my bitter frustrated emotions (which, by the way is far worse than her being mad at me).
I can't turn off my emotions, but I'm pretty damn good at ignoring them. I think this is a big sign of a thinking type.
Person violates my trust that I rarely give to anyone. I hate the feelling. I think of a way to ruin them: Find out what they want and take it away. During the whole process I'm upset, but I don't let it effect how I formulate how to do the discovery and removal.
Then there are the things where I wonder if I'm a feelling type.
I listen to a song that reminds me of great times and everything about my mood changes.
more about this later.
But I don't exactly like people, most of them. Socially nny will be in a situation where someone annoys him, they're not getting it, and he tells them they annoy him and should leave. So far there aren't any instances I've seen where they actually left. The next scene involves them dying a horrible death at the hands of nny. This is where I deviate. With me the next scene involves Riley feeding me with things to do and say. I hear a comment from Riley and I say it.
I.E. A girl wearing a belly shirt comes over to me for small talk as I'm smoking a cigarette. I know her, I don't like her. She's one of the most superficial petty people I know. Very selfish. ESFJ. She has the giving thing ESFJ's all seem to have, but she's still a bitch none the less. I wont be bought by material possessions she wants to offer [which all have strings tied tight around them]. I say [my thoughts, Riley isn't helping hear] "I came out for a smoke because I wanted a little time to myself." She continues talking to me about nonsense without getting the hint. Riley jumps in, I tell her what I hear from him "How far along are you?"
"What?!?" She replies.
With my hand on her stomache "I can feel it kicking, looks like you got a little soccer player in there."
"Fuck you!" She exits my personal bubble and joins someone else's.
"We can't all be perfectly skinny like you!!!" Yells one of her friends.
I think . o O ( Yeah you can. I work out regularly, moniture what I eat, and my workout plan involves a diffent workout everyday to throw off the downsides routine has on your body's ability to adapt and make it worthless. Improves your mata....blah blah blah) Riley says "If you say nothing they'll stay over there and leave you alone. That's why you came out to smoke. That's why you called her fat. To be alone"
I say nothing.
Oh yeah, Riley!! HAHA. No, I'm not insane. I'm not hearing voices in my head, none that aren't mine anyway. Riley is what I've named my unconscience. The way this works is intuition. I get an answer to a problem instantly, but I understand that I already had all the information needed to get hear step by step, so it's nothing magical or psychic or whatever fancy smancy lable someone would want to give it. My unconscience puts all the information together faster than my conscience can. I suggested, consciencely, that it'd work better if I gave it a name. What to name it...hmm....I'll let it decide. After drawing a complete blank, the first name that came to mind was Riley. After doing the same about 32 times, different days, different moods, I came up with Riley EVERY time. And so I named my unconscience.
Back to the INTJ thing and JTHM. Aside from killing people, I relate very well to him. I don't care about cosmetics. I don't care what others think most of time. I deal with social situations nearly the same. He's an INTJ and maybe, just maybe I am as well.
Then there's this issue I'm having, aside from INTJ/INFP/IN?? issues. I know I'm IN, but I'm always around people. Far too often. I'm always depressed.
I found, recently, as I've been over my friend Aarons house, that I really have fallen away from my introverted nature. It's why I'm not happy. Then I thought about when I was happiest.
A different life. A different home. A different world.
I had my own room in a three bedroom apartment shared with my 2 siblings and I. They never came in my room, I never went in theirs, except for times we'd watch movies together in my sister's since her's was the biggest.
My room had a T.V., Gamecube [at the time, the newest generation of consoles], a large supply of comicbooks, textbooks, novels, 3 different pairs of dumbbells, chin-up bar, and a Keyboard with headphones [very high quality headphones]. I had means to make my own clothing, even a silk screen with ink and whatever the hell that green plastic stuff is you cut your designs out of.
I was very very happy. I had a job that didn't require me to talk to people. I went to school and didn't say a word in class [usually didn't go unless I had a test. College was great for that].
I knew a lot of people from town because I skateboarded, jogged, went to the gym, and played piano's in the con. But I didn't have to associate with them if I didn't want to and no one pressed me to do so.
NOW.
I go to the same fucking coffee shop EVERYNIGHT. When I was rereading JTHM I noticed it fit the description of the coffee shop he went to in the book [which makes me a little depressed that that only means that the majority of coffee shops are the same]. Or I can stay home with nothing to do, other than workout. I have crazy fines on my library cards that prevent me from checking anything out. No job to fix that situation. And a newly aquired friend who always wants me to come with him to the coffee shop and other places and urges me to be more social [but he's a good kid so I'm not mean to him (damn EXTP's)].
Steve. He's the one always trying to get me out of the house without reallizing it's poison to me. He hears that my previous best friend, Hayley, and me and no longer friends and investigates why I decided this. On the surface it looks as if it's because she began dating some other guy and I really really really liked her. If someone wants to believe that, I don't care, otherwise I'd be running around telling everyone why I really made that decision.
But it's a little deeper. Here's why people like Steve will annoy me and wont last as a long term friend: I know myself better than anything else I know. I know me better than most people know themselves. Because of this a lot of people don't accept that I know me so well.
I'm aware of how I'll react to given scenario's and situations. I always know what I'll do. I'm a constant to me. People are Variables to me. I don't know what they'll do.
The situation is a little deeper than some girl I was good friends dates some other guy, so in a selfish sulking mood I childishly say "We're no longer friends." Or a heartless robot mood "we are not friends."
If I were to stay friends with this girl it would open up something very horrible deep inside me. All the frustration of past failures related to girls. I may try to single this one out and dissassociate it with the past, but I WILL fail. I know this. So, first I'll make multiple excuses why I can't hang out with her, so I can have time to myself without hurting her feellings. She'll press me to hang out and pull that "we're friends, we should hang out." crap. Then I'll be around one time when she's with her bf and she'll kiss him in front of me, which she already has. I'll get angry, but I wont show it. Things will get to a point where I get hyper angsty and bitchy, then I'll explode and say and do something really cruel that'll make her feel as bad as I do. All the time, fighting the urge to do so. I'm slave to my emotions.
So, to avert this, I disconnected with her before it could happen. She'll be upset. I will too. She can hate me all she wants, but at least she wont feel the wrath of my bitter frustrated emotions (which, by the way is far worse than her being mad at me).
I can't turn off my emotions, but I'm pretty damn good at ignoring them. I think this is a big sign of a thinking type.
Person violates my trust that I rarely give to anyone. I hate the feelling. I think of a way to ruin them: Find out what they want and take it away. During the whole process I'm upset, but I don't let it effect how I formulate how to do the discovery and removal.
Then there are the things where I wonder if I'm a feelling type.
I listen to a song that reminds me of great times and everything about my mood changes.
more about this later.
