Manipulation Pt. 1: Being a leader

[proteanmix]

Sometimes I see stuff and my tongue starts to loll out of my mouth.

How do you tell people that you really think you're born to be a leader? I remember when I was younger I really wanted to be a Supreme Court justice. Who the hell wants to be a Supreme Court Justice at seven? I don't even know how I knew about it!

All this talk on the forum about manipulation has got me thinking. Why are people so afraid of it? I can understand why when it's malicious, but I try to look at it in it's benign and neutral forms. Yesterday I was at a meeting with my new girl crush, an ENTJ IT Program Manager. She rocks hard. I love it when she's at our meetings because she keeps us on track, I feel like the meeting is progressing to goals, people understand, there isn't a bunch of being boggled down in bullshit stuff that we keeps getting pushed forward every meeting but nothing is actually done about it. And she's totally charming! She (politely) told a couple of side conversationalists (I was one of them) to shut up. I was feeling a little pouty and then she winked at me and smiled!

I was totally manipulated! I mean what else happened? She told me to be quiet and then smiled and winked at me. What did she communicate to me between the STFU and wink, wink? I'm still thinking about it so I don't know yet. But I know something happened. I guess I fully expect to be handled and maneuvered by people in some way. That doesn't make me malleable. I handle and maneuver around people myself. I guess that would make me a manipulator.

But what I've steadily noticed about this ENTJ is what feelings she gives me. She makes me feel like I'm in capable hands. She sounds like she knows what she's talking about and she backs it up in actions. She's open to listen. She's real with us. And yes, there is a smoothness in how she handles herself in meetings but I like that too. There's a flair to that is learned, marketed for effect. My jellies are being squeezed, but it feels kind of good. But I think the flair is what scares people. Because that flair is the manipulation part. What can I say about it? I don't feel like it's bad, I can see how it can be turned against someone.

I guess it's like nuclear power; six in one hand and a half dozen in another.

 

[INTJMom]

Cool story. I don't really see that as manipulation, though. I see that as being good at dealing with people. When you can tell someone to shut up and not offend them, that's skill. That's how it's supposed to be done!

To me, manipulation is when somebody lies in order to get what they want. For instance, my mother tells me to pick her up at 11 because she has to be somewhere by 11:30, only to find out that she doesn't need to be there til 12. I would prefer her telling me the truth and trusting me to get her there on time, than lying to me, and harming our relationship by me not being able to trust what she says.

But maybe I see it that way cause I'm INTJ.
I don't know.

 

[ladypinkington]

Wow, you wanted to be a Supreme Court Judge, cool.

Just beware, the power was good but I wish there was more power,lol.

I took that from America The Book
They "quote" Nixson as saying, "The power was good but I wish there was more power",lol.

I have a lot of questions about this manipulation thing but I am still sorting through them.

It's interesting.

 

[Salomé]

Agree with Mom - charisma and manipulation are not the same thing. The difference is ethics.