Loveless. Sluts.

[Chimerical]

Yesterday I left the house and got myself some jack daniels and root beer. Then I went to the park to drink, enjoy the sun, and relax. While I was there I met some girl. She had an icp tattoo... so I figured she was probably slutty and easy, but I just wanted to drink and not think about girls, then go home.

Well, she started hitting on me and some guy wakes up and walks over and he's talking about how he's gonna go get some more alcohol and a hotel room. So we go to the liquor store and get more alcohol and go to the hotel and he gets a room. There was another guy there, but we ditched him.

Me and him end up tag teaming this girl pretty hard. I'm fucking her pussy and he's fucking her in the ass. Then we swapped. Good thing I had a condom on.

She took a break to go shower up and then came back for more. Then said her pussy was sore and she couldn't feel anything anymore. And we went swimming.

So... then I start thinking of amy again. I don't want to think about amy. Not now, not ever. I want to think of other shit, but here I am thinking about amy. Again. How much I love her how much I want her. So I try to divert these thoughts and get to know this girl I just fucked.

I start by asking her name. She said D. Hmm... nick name... kinda ghetto. I start talking to her and joking around and having fun, but I'm still thinking of amy. I just can't fucking stop thinking of amy.

We go back to the room and fuck some more. And I try to get to know her more, but she just wants to fuck around and doesn't seem to care to know much about me.

I break down inside, but don't show it outside [well, no one noticed really]. Then I text amy. And it's the same shit it's always been. Amy just wants to be friends, nothing more. Amy fucking hates sex too.

And I'm like... oh... I hate my life. I love amy, Amy doesn't love me. I end up with sluts all the time who I don't feel much for even though I try. And it all just makes me feel very lonely and very dirty.

I had fun having sex and all, but I wish I didn't. I just want to die.

I'm talking to other girls to try to meet someone new. Savanah is just a big titty slut, like D. I don't want that. Then there's Malory who's not interested in me as more than just a friend. And I don't like her that much really.

And then, no one else. Ever other girl I talk to it doesn't work out.

So, I have my Klonopine. And I need to collect a few vicodines. Then get really drunk adn take them all so I'll sleep and never wake up. I hate this. I'm tired of being alone.

There's always that hope that amy will be with me some day. That's what makes it worse, the hope. "You can't have true despair without hope." -Bane. A very true statement.

I don't have much to look forward to in life. I just want mine to end.