[INFJ] INFJ nuttery

[prplchknz]

So I like most INFJs, I usually don't have a problem with them. But the one I'm living with, is driving me up the wall. I'm trying to understand why she can't call the internet people and find out why it's not turned off like they say they would. I need to understand why she thinks she can leave town and expect everything she's responsible for to magically happen. Maybe this isn't an INFJ thing but an unhealthy person thing. I wanted to leave town early, but then I realized I couldn't because their was still stuff that needed to be dealt with. So any INFJs or anyone who lives with one please shed some light on this for me. Because, I don't understand.The thing is she thinks shes so responsible and mature, but so many of her actions have said otherwise. So is it possible she really believes this? I mean I don't claim to be responsible or mature, but I don't go around claiming I am. Sorry.

 

[cafe]

Yeah, I don't claim to be all that responsible myself. If I was leaving town without getting things shut off, etc it would be because I was feeling terribly overwhelmed by all the details of leaving town and didn't feel I could face it. Or maybe she's from a family that has normally taken care of all that stuff for her or a family that just leaves town and hopes the crap doesn't catch up with them. Soci-eco backgrounds make a pretty big difference in the way these things are handled if they are handled at all.

 

[prplchknz]

Yeah her mom tends to take over most things like this. So I think it's because she's never had to deal with anything herself, and always had her mom to fall back on. Maybe she expects me to be the same way, but I'm not. I am not her mother.

 

[cafe]

Yeah her mom tends to take over most things like this. So I think it's because she's never had to deal with anything herself, and always had her mom to fall back on. Maybe she expects me to be the same way, but I'm not. I am not her mother.

No, I wouldn't do it. It's not your responsibility.

 

[SolitaryPenguin]

My INFJ is probably the most responsible person I have ever known. She makes neurotic lists of things to get done in a day and usually completes them all (I help her too).

Her nuttiness is reserved for scatterbrained moments where she walks into doors and trips on things, and she always loses her glasses, but I love that shit. It's cute.

Sounds like yours is kinda spoiled. You should glue everything in her bedroom to the floor/dresser/table/nightstand.

That'll learn her.

 

[prplchknz]

My INFJ is probably the most responsible person I have ever known. She makes neurotic lists of things to get done in a day and usually completes them all (I help her too).

Her nuttiness is reserved for scatterbrained moments where she walks into doors and trips on things, and she always loses her glasses, but I love that shit. It's cute.

Sounds like yours is kinda spoiled. You should glue everything in her bedroom to the floor/dresser/table/nightstand.

That'll learn her.

I can see her becoming like this, and she is good at getting things done. But when something doesn't happen how she thinks it should she tends to bail out. Which is fine in some situations, but in others then what needs to be done doesn't get done. She quit her job because one instance of she didn't get hours she liked. I'm like wow that's stupid to quit your job over. And she could have worked those hours, as she didn't have anything else she had to do. I thought she should have at least talked to the manager and tried to work something out, instead of just quitting. The reason why she didn't talk to her manager was because she didn't like the manager. Then she proceeded to complain about not having an income

I could not be getting the whole story, which is possible. Just like you guys are only getting my side.

 

[INA]

Yeah her mom tends to take over most things like this. So I think it's because she's never had to deal with anything herself, and always had her mom to fall back on. Maybe she expects me to be the same way, but I'm not. I am not her mother.

:steam:
people like this grind my gears. Tell 'em where to stick it.

 

[prplchknz]

:steam:
people like this grind my gears. Tell 'em where to stick it.

My room mate is actually really cool otherwise.

trust me if she had no redeeming qualities I would have packed my stuff, found a new place to live and tell her bye and left her with all the rent and bills. I would have had the electric switched to her name.

 

[INA]

Better you than me. It's fine to be an overgrown infant, but where she tries to foist the mammy role on other people besides her facilitating mom . . .

 

[prplchknz]

Better you than me.

the thing is you're only getting one side of her, and it's not her best side.

 

[INA]

You feeling guilty or something?

 

[prplchknz]

You feeling guilty or something?

No. It's just I know her, you don't. You know a negative side of her, and everyone has a negative side.

 

[INA]

No. It's just I know her, you don't. You know a negative side of her, and everyone has a negative side.

Speak for yourself
Now where's my angel avatar?

The story just recalled memories of a person who was like that. I hate the trait not your roommate. I neither know nor care about her.

 

[prplchknz]

Speak for yourself
Now where's my angel avatar?

The story just recalled memories of a person who was like that. I hate the trait not your roommate. I neither know nor care about her.

O ok, sorry. I thought you were hating on her. Yeah I hate that trait aswell. I got you. Sorry.

 

[violaine]

Is she stressed out about something or over-perfectionistic in general? Sometimes either one of those will make an INFJ abandon the things that need taking care of. If you can talk to her about it (as in, this is your responsibility please take care of it) I imagine it would rouse her out of her fogginess.

If this is her first time out of home she made need some education in the ways of common-sense room mate behavior too. But it should all take, I would think!

 

[prplchknz]

Yeah she is a perfectionist to the core so maybe that's why. No she's not new to the whole room mate thing, either, so I think she knows some etiquette. Though we lived on campus last year together, and we didn't really have bills or had to deal with cable ourselves. I'm a crappy room mate. I'm messy. I try not to be, but it's so hard for me cuz messes don't bother me. I mean as long as there not gross, I need to be more conscientus of things like this then I am.

I was thinking about what cafe said and being overwhelmed. I can relate, because when I think about it. When I get overwhelm I tend to want to bail as well.

 

[Kyrielle]

Yeah she is a perfectionist to the core so maybe that's why. No she's not new to the whole room mate thing, either, so I think she knows some etiquette. Though we lived on campus last year together, and we didn't really have bills or had to deal with cable ourselves. I'm a crappy room mate. I'm messy. I try not to be, but it's so hard for me cuz messes don't bother me. I mean as long as there not gross, I need to be more conscientus of things like this then I am.

I was thinking about what cafe said and being overwhelmed. I can relate, because when I think about it. When I get overwhelm I tend to want to bail as well.

What you've described in the OP is definitely one of my less redeeming traits, though I have yet to actually leave things hanging off the hook to the point of it being a true detriment. Dealing with things like that is just really hard. I don't know why, because when I do it, it's a piece of cake, I guess I work it up in my mind to be harder than it is. The point is it's difficult to get motivation and confidence to deal with the regular parts of real life, and it feels better to "think about it later" (which as we all know, "later" isn't intended to come).

As someone else has said, making lists helps. (Bless the mighty dry erase boards and lists!!) So does talking about what has to be done with someone else. Or just saying it out loud. A lot of my planning is done out loud to myself with me pacing around the room, reciting what I need to do in the order I will do it and about the time I need to do it. It's as if saying it or writing it makes it real for me and no longer something logged away in my head.

 

[heart]

I rely on lists and reminding to handle my INFJ. Even if he repeats what I've said, it's no guarentee he heard or will remember. My Te gets overloaded with memory and lists for both of us!

 

[prplchknz]

I've dealt with my end of internet and tv so I'm through. The cable did get shut off but for whatever reason the internet didn't. I called them, but it turns out I can't do anything as the account is not in my name. I believe she called and told them to turn internet off, but for whatever reason that didn't happen. I told her she needs to call and get this straightened out and find out why. Maybe their was miscommunication or something. Though honestly if I was her before leaving town I would have been like I'm leaving this day I need everything shut off by then. actually give a couple days before leaving incase it doesn't get turned off and call again and find out what's going on.

 

[helen]

I dunno. I try to stay on top of little details like that but it's not my strong suit. Sometimes I pay bills late, or forget to make calls, etc. I can sometimes get so caught up in other things that seem important and in my own little mental world that concrete details shrink to a point of little seeming relevance and occasionally paying extra charges for something seems a better alternative than focusing on a situation and dealing with it.

Yes, this is irresponsible, but I don't think it makes me (or her) worthless. Give us abstracted folk a chance or leave us be and find yourself an SJ.