Horney's neurotic coping strategies

[penelope]

I'm sorry, but each time I see this thread I expect to see horny neurotic confessions.

Haha, I KNOOOOW!

 

[Little Linguist]

After some consideration, I have re-thought my answer. First, I disagree that these things are `neurotic`, at least not in the psychological sense of the word. Something only becomes neurotic if it disrupts normal daily life in a way that makes the person unhappy, others uncomfortable, or the person dysfunctional (if you want to think of a person as `functional`or not).

Therefore, I do not think any of them apply to that extreme. Nonetheless, I think I have used all of them to a normal extent at any one point of time.

That being said, I have a tendency towards the following:

Moving Toward People

* 1. The need for affection and approval; pleasing others and being liked by them. YES - dominant
* 2. The need for a partner; one whom they can love and who will solve all problems. I want a partner, but not one who will solve all my problems, because he cannot. Perhaps he can HELP me though.

Moving Against People

* 3. The need for power; the ability to bend wills and achieve control over others -- while most persons seek strength, the neurotic may be desperate for it. No - not desperate. Strength is good. That extent is not.
* 4. The need to exploit others; to get the better of them. To become manipulative, fostering the belief that people are there simply to be used. NO WAY - however, if I need to manipulate a SYSTEM to the benefit of others or myself, I can.
* 5. The need for social recognition; prestige and limelight. Hmm, sometimes, sure. Heh.
* 6. The need for personal admiration; for both inner and outer qualities -- to be valued. HELL YES.
* 7. The need for personal achievement; though virtually all persons wish to make achievements, as with No. 4, the neurotic may be desperate for achievement. YES, I have to agree - I am quite obsessed with that, which makes me perfectionistic.
Moving Away from People

* 8. The need for self sufficiency and independence; while most desire some autonomy, the neurotic may simply wish to discard other individuals entirely. Yes, yes, this is true, but not to that extreme.
* 9. Lastly, the need for perfection; while many are driven to perfect their lives in the form of well being, the neurotic may display a fear of being slightly flawed. Yes, that could be,...YES
* 10. The need to restrict life practices to within narrow borders; to live as inconspicuous a life as possible. NO, I wouldn`t say so.
Hmm, so which apply the most? 1, 6, 7, 9. To a lesser extent, 2 , 5, and 8. not at all 3, 4, and 10.

This would probably make me either a compliant/aggressive or an aggressive/compliant, but seeing as my caring for others trumps my own self-gratification, I would go with compliant/aggressive.

I hope that is an accurate assessment.

By the way, as a child I was different. As a young child detached/compliant. As a young adult aggressive/detached. After 24, compliant/aggressive (or vice-versa, I am not sure).

 

[substitute]

from what I can gather, my tendency is to detach emotionally but to be generally helpful and seem friendly enough, sometimes this is just because there tends to be a requirement to justify or explain a 'no', so 'yes' is less effort. And people are enough effort as it is, without inviting inquisitions!

 

[Lozzy]

1 mostly. Bits of 2, 5, 6, 7, 9.

I would think probably Compliant/Aggressive. Definitely not the manipulative stuff though, at least not consciously. I can do some withdrawing too though, but I tend to miss people too much to do it for long. I withdrew HEAVILY when I was younger, I tend not to as much now though.

Compliant -> 6,1,2
Withdrawn -> 4,5,9
Aggressive -> 8,3,7

I think there is an enneagram overlap, but I don't think it's as clear cut. e.g. whilst I would think a lot of the withdrawing stuff is very 4-ish, the second criteria about 'needing' a partner seems distinctively 4-ish too. Maybe a system could work where you had for example Withdrawn/Compliant being 4, etc for all nine types. I very much doubt it would work universally though.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

Compliant/withdrawn and if people still don't get a clue, aggressive.

+1

Though my compliance (if I've understood it correctly) is pretty cursory these days. In other words, it doesn't take much for me to move on to withdrawn with relative equanimity. Then I'll stick with withdrawn through a lot before resorting to aggression (usually as a means of protecting/enforcing the withdrawal). So I'm not even sure if compliance counts as a primary coping strategy anymore. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the subject.

 

[Ivy]

Compliant/withdrawn and if people still don't get a clue, aggressive.

Same here, basically, except I don't withdraw until after the aggression. I answered compliant/aggressive. I always start out trying to please, but if I meet resistance or feel my compliance is unappreciated or being taken advantage of, I can't keep complying, and I can't leave it alone. I usually start getting aggressive then. Usually I end up detaching when I realize aggression makes me feel worse, though.

PS: yes, I'm sure. I lack patience.

 

[The_Liquid_Laser]

I do aspects of all three, but if I had to pick it would be withdrawn/aggressive.