[ESFJ] advice for cheering up my ESFJ mom?

[skylights]

hey guys --

so my mom is the most amazingly kind, thoughtful, upbeat, encouraging, productive person that i know. and her social skills are OFF THE CHARTS.

but my dad and brother are INTPs, and they like blathering about how smart they are all the time. and they are, which is the most annoying thing about it, but in a very intellectual way. they're kind of socially incompetent and avoidant about a lot of things. and they're very critical, which doesn't help.

so the problem is, my mom feels like she isn't smart in comparison

this is the woman who taught me to read when i was four, she is incredible with kids, she manages our entire household and family plans and the bills and cleaning and maintenance, she juggles like 5,000 responsibilities and keeps herself in awesome shape physically and makes way less of a salary than she ought to (she's a special ed teacher). i try to tell her this a lot and how freaking brilliant i think she is, but i'm not sure she really believes me.

tips please?

 

[Giggly]

The problem is that people don't value what she is good at enough so you can start there. Badger your Dad and brother to do the same.

 

[skylights]

The problem is that people don't value what she is good at enough so you can start there. Badger your Dad and brother to do the same.

lol, good idea. i should bug them about it

thanks :]

 

[Habba]

Let her take some kind of online Emotional Intelligence test, and then ask your dad and brother to do the same. Hopefully, your mother should outclass them by a mile... and then show her studies how emotional intelligence actually matters more when it comes to living a successful life.

 

[JocktheMotie]

Make something for her/do something/get something that shows you recognize and appreciate what she does.

 

[Chaotic Harmony]

I go through the same stuff sometimes. What makes me the happiest is when someone acknowledges that I am the kindest person they've ever met and how passionate I am about what I do and I'm good at it. It really just helps to know that someone recognizes my talents and not just how intelligent I may or may not be. Also, let her know that it's people like her that really make a difference. It doesn't take an IQ that is off the charts to make a difference in the life of a child with special needs... It does take someone with a heart and passion though!

 

[Saslou]

Lol .. I have moments where i don't feel smart intellectually but i try not to put too much emphesis on it. Being very modest in the first place, i don't place focus on that aspect and instead, internally know my strengths.

If someone chooses to focus on one aspect instead of the bigger picture of what can be accomplished when 2 people combine their strenghts .. Then more fool them.

Words of appreciation are much appreciated though. Lol

 

[skylights]

Let her take some kind of online Emotional Intelligence test, and then ask your dad and brother to do the same. Hopefully, your mother should outclass them by a mile... and then show her studies how emotional intelligence actually matters more when it comes to living a successful life.

HAHAHA that's such a great idea

It really just helps to know that someone recognizes my talents and not just how intelligent I may or may not be.

i'm such a believer in multiple intelligences too, it really annoys me that "intelligent" and "book smart" are sometimes made out to mean the same thing. book smart can be wonderful but it really is not the be-all-end-all that some people make it out to be!

anyway thank you so much guys i am going to jump on all of this!!!

 

[runvardh]

Let her know there is a point where a person can be too intelligent to be of any Earthly good...

 

[skylights]

Let her know there is a point where a person can be too intelligent to be of any Earthly good...

true that. when they're absorbed in nerdiness the entire day

 

[Chaotic Harmony]

Good luck on cheering your mom up! As an ESFJ it's pretty easy to cheer me up, so hopefully that's something that all ESFJs experience!

And it's very true... Books smarts doesn't equal intelligence in every situation... One of my best friends from high school was brilliant when it came to book smarts... However, I'm pretty sure she'd get herself killed in five minutes if she was dropped off in a bad part of town because she lacks street smarts and she's really not that good with socialization....Especially when she thinks the people are beneath her.

 

[Elfboy]

1) get her something fun and decorative to put somewhere around the house, ESFJ women are decoration addicts
2) watch a movie with her
3) propose throwing a party, ESFJs love playing host
4) send her a thankyou card
5) compliment her on her skills and abilities that your NP family members don't share
6) introduce her to MBTI, let her know that she is not alone (in fact, ESFJs are the most common female type)
7) NPs are crazy and all over the place to the point where an SJ can find it borderline intimidating. let her know that she doesn't need to keep up with their NP crazy intellectualness