PB, because you asked me to be honest I was. You told me you could take it and what's more, disliked it if I held back. I didn't even say all of what I was thinking. I just let a little more out than I usually do.
And as soon as I did, you decided to leave the discussion and told me that others NFPs find it too wearing to explain Fi to me. (See, again you come out as both the victim and the hero). I don't see any suggestions for how I could reach you better, nor any acknowledgement of any part that you had in our communication, nor any description yet of what you see in your own landscape.
I'm not using what I see in others to justify what I am feeling. I'm using it to verify and check what I'm feeling for flaws, or missed information. It's like if you took a pair of pants to someone when you're putting together an outfit and saying, "Do these look navy or black to you?" Depending on what colour they think it is, it changes when it would be appropriate to bring out those pants.
I think part of my irritation here is that there is no sense of acknowledging that you have anything to learn, you give examples of where you did the right thing even though others were unkind and unreasonable in return and you ask no questions at all. What's more, you are prescribing solutions that were not asked for and then are offended when I don't choose to take them. I'm only going to let someone drive the car if I trust them. You told MacGuffin that all you could promise was that you'd go on the journey (and at that, you've quit), and couldn't make any promises about what you'd do if the car crashed (intentions vs outcome)! Since it's the only car I've got, I want to make sure that I have a driver behind the wheel that I trust implicitly before I had over control.
This again reinforces to me that it's not a good idea to just let it all hang out at once. It tends to make people feel badly and it doesn't ultimately make for a better outcome. If I say what I think bit by bit, at least I can better monitor when there has been a problem and go back and take care of it.
EDIT: I feel badly for hurting your feelings, but I was also aware that if I truly expressed my thoughts that would likely be the result. I didn't want to make you feel badly, but I also felt that if you see me phrasing things as I usually would as being disengenuous, maybe it was time to try something different.
As far as smoothing things over, I think that Fe generally does it this way.
1) Identify the place where things took a turn for the worse.
2) Back up and re-evaluate either phrasing or WHAT was said. That's not to say that you aren't entitled to certain feelings, but sometimes forcing someone to accept something that they find offensive and then telling them they're wrong if they don't like it just won't go over well. Take back the plate of green eggs and ham and find out what/why they would prefer to eat something else instead. They might even try green eggs and ham if you offer it differently. You are discounting the delicious foods that they habitually eat and you are less familiar with or the fact that we feel like ham and eggs usually will food poison you if they are green.
3) Address the objections offered as authentically as you can while still remaining true to yourself.
4) Move on, taking the red flags given as an indication to take a different route where there are less landmines. Do not try to offer the same thing again in the same manner if it has already been rejected.
As you can see, this is results oriented. It has very little to do with motivations. Talking about the motivations only makes the problem worse because it's heard as excusing yourself or evading the problem. At the same time, because motivations are of less concern to us (they are factored in, but not the determiner of how we will respond), we are also not attributing bad things to your character. We just want you to quit doing what you're doing that isn't working and is keeping us from having an open heart to what you are saying. If you are wearing stilletos and inadvertently stepping on my foot with them, I let you know. If you make it out that you didn't mean to hurt my foot, but continue stepping with your pointy shoes, I assume that you are either passive-aggressively doing it, that you are just that unaware and I need to say it more bluntly, or that there is some information that I am missing. It's kind of the same with this.