Good questions.
What caused you to be able to step outside and "see with clarity", and what do you find is pulling you back?
Essentially what caused it was years of isolated thought and consideration, over time I was able to assemble ideas and observe both myself and others when I was outside of a social situation. It suddenly made me realise the automated responses I and others often gave in to. Like a scab that has been picked, once you have seen what is underneath it is hard to forget it and frankly I wouldn't want to as I see it as something of great importance.
What pulls me back is a sense that it is better to be in than out. That notion comes from experience, more than anything else, I spent most of my younger years excluded and when I finally found a group that accepted me I did enjoy the feeling of being included. This is more of an Fe issue because I AM an extraverted feeler though perhaps not dominant as perception seems to come first in my observations.
However a group is only fine if the members also understand their individual perks as well and so long as they do not just go along with each others opinions and ideas, because then you end up with a series of prejudices against certain members or people.
What would happen if you just said "no", if you told those people that what they were finally seeing was in fact part of the "real you"?
I have in fact done this before and it generates a surprising amount of anger and frustration.
I wonder if that anger comes from an expectation that you will do anything they ask as they are used to that being the case anyhow. For example if a Te user was critical often, (not because of cruelty but because of observations on how something could be more effective), then people would become used to the person being that way, they would not question it nor would they expect that individual to go along with their 'requests'.
However someone such as myself who doesn't mind helping out, as mentioned above, they are used to this now; they expect me to drop what i'm doing and come help them, however ive learnt not to have too much trouble saying no, despite the outrage this can cause.
In the conceptual sense, the pleases and thankyou's are perhaps more difficult to shake, because part of me understands their value and usefulness when it comes to interacting with others. There are many people who see such mannerisms as almost a literal existence and to deviate from them would be tantamount to a murder of politeness. I find that quite funny really.
But the only real way to stave this off is awareness. I have to almost be on guard constantly to maintain some autonomy from such obligations and trappings.
They aren't real in any sense of the word, but it is hard to tell an anxious Fe mind that. Deep down the concern with appearance and how people perceive me is an unfortunate byproduct that i'm trying hard to shake off.
There is good news however, as I do this more and more it seems easier to maintain and I am able to both respect a group when it has been examined and it's motives are something I do agree with and at the same time keep myself separate and individual, to an extent.
It does help that the hobby group I belong to is full of the same kind of misfits as myself and they welcome people without obligations to social norms or do's and don't's.
How long this will last i'm not sure as everything has it's sell-by-date, but for now it will do.
ps: I will also mention as a final note that it also helped talking to people who, now, I would say were thinking types, especially those with a bit of Fi. These people were able to observe things I had missed and they helped me to understand the fragile and superficial nature of these feeling pressures.
But I had to be mature enough to accept the advice in the first place, instead of just dismissing it off-hand. In a way that was the hardest goal of all. To respect and understand another's position, not out of feeling empathy, but out of a real consideration and analysis of what was actually said.