Okay.
So... I ended my first love last night. I had pretty much done so the night before, but he (sort of) stopped me and we ended up talking for almost three hours. I completely cut it off last night. I got my motorcycle, left him with parting written words (I'd already said everything that could be said), and... left.
I know this is better for me in the long run - he said that no matter what, he would always want other women. He said that he needed someone who accepted him exactly as he is and that people who are in love should help the other achieve what they want, even if it's not in their best interest... but the one time he put me before himself, when he put his pride aside, he hated it. Loathed it.
He said he should not have to give up what he wants, that even though he knows he'll never get every single thing that he wants in one person and I'm the closest he's ever come, that he still wants what he wants and should not give any of it up.
He never said he was sorry for hurting me, or for lying or doing even the things that he admitted were wrong.
I've had people (women, really) say that maybe this will be his wake up call, the motivation he needs to change. That is not the point, nor why I did what I did. If he does, I think he'll be happier - I know he's never truly satisfied, and that his list of expectations or wants in a woman... I could've met them, but sharing him with other women would've broken me. I tried as hard as I could, and it did not work.
I know it will pass, and that time heals, but I am so sad and am grieving for the good I lost. There were some big, bad things there, but the good things shined - which is why this hurts so much. He just couldn't let go of the bad to be with me.
I accepted his dark side, and enjoyed parts of it, but the part that hurts people (including me) and doesn't seem to feel remorse... I can't condone that. I can't work around it.
There. My first love is gone, and I'm doubting the existence of another big one.
And I have this annoying want to be held. uch: