SilkRoad
Lay the coin on my tongue
- Joined
- May 26, 2009
- Messages
- 3,932
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 6w5
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/sx
So glad to see you here, Silkroad! I relate so much to a lot of what you say... I wonder if there's a similar enneagram or shared experience or something beyond the shared MBTI type. I like what you said above. Last year lots of crazy things happened -- transitions, escaping from a toxic job into another environment that was incredibly hard for me, cutting off from my family, then starting graduate school. So my hair started to (literally) just fall off of my head. I'm not balding, but it was just really saddening/triggering to see the sheer amount that fell out during a shower. I went to the doctor to see if my thyroids were acting up or if I had some disease I didn't know about, and when she suggested stress, I thought, "well, my life and job are easy" completely oblivious to how the stress was stored up. What made you finally realize you had all this residual stress? I think I'm with you there... I did yoga, and felt so incredibly sad afterward... it was like something holding back the sadness was released. I think it's healthy and necessary to be in touch with what's actually going on within you (and that statement REALLY differs by type, I bet).
I was having a lot of physical symptoms too. Not hair loss...well actually, I'm not sure about that. My hairdresser friend who did my hair the last few years till she moved away asked a couple of times if I thought I was losing hair. Certainly not in a really noticeable/scary way but I think maybe I lost slightly more than I should have been. I was constantly getting the kind of symptoms that in the past I only had under an extreme level of emotional stress - major fatigue, nausea sometimes to the point where I literally couldn't eat (or not without vomiting), backaches, plus a lot of general negative thinking. I had too many days when I called in sick for work because I...wasn't exactly sick but just couldn't face whatever I needed to do. Etc.
Also, two years ago I developed a semi-serious phobia about flying. I have always been a somewhat nervous flyer but after a bad experience (emergency landing...not a horrific one, but still a scary experience) it got really bad. I had some therapy which helped and now things are better again, still not great, but better. But I am pretty sure the phobia was exacerbated by just a general buildup of stress.
I also now realise how bad it had become because now I feel so much better. Not perfect...but more balanced and healthy and happy than I have for at least three years. And I think...maybe even more than I have for something like seven years...no joke. A lot of these realizations can be in retrospect.
By the way, do you know what your e-type is? Realising that I'm almost certainly a 6, as well as knowing I'm INFJ, has helped me discern some things and patterns of behaviour.
Yes, exactly! Months later, I'll think, "that was so offensive!" but the conversation was months ago... so I can't say anything! And the people saying those sorts of things aren't going to be the ones who can relate to my delayed reactions / delayed emotional processing. Or like I was describing above, not realizing that stress might have caused the hair loss.
Ohhhhh yes. I think someone once said something so incredibly bitchy to me that I only realised YEARS later how bitchy it was. The delayed reaction thing is both funny and frustrating. It does sometimes cause me problems in my relationships with others because they think I'm fine with something at the time, then later I pull it out and confront them with it because I just can't take any more and it's been festering and building up. I'm working on that but it's hard because I don't either want to be someone who freaks out all the time about maybe petty things.
By the way, yeah, if you feel like you should start "forcing yourself" to do things again that you really enjoy, DO IT. I try to schedule those plays, art galleries, etc etc into my life semi-regularly. Fortunately I live somewhere I have access to a lot of this. I know it's not something you can always have time for, but if it refreshes you and you enjoy it, you should do it. And yes, keeping in touch with/getting back in touch with old friends is really great.
Basically, I think that if you enjoy something and it makes you feel better, and it's not illegal or immoral (in whatever way) you should do it as often as you can