March
New member
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2011
- Messages
- 54
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 4w5
I actually hate what's happening right now. INFJs aren't fucking 'toxic,' we don't have 'ugly' or 'even uglier' sides to our 'souls.' This is just a stupid communication pattern. And yes, to the non-INFJs it probably looks completely stupid (or like some much-needed bending of that stubborn streak), while to the INFJs it probably feels like it's really being asked of us to own up that we're wicked, sinful, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
But still it's just a pattern. Arising from communication failure between different, but equally valid, brain structures. A pattern that would probably make [MENTION=15291]Mane[/MENTION] even more convinced that INFJs probably are constitutionally incapable of responding to criticism with anything even remotely resembling a proporational response and would probably make [MENTION=5999]PeaceBaby[/MENTION]'s flesh crawl with the 'martyr' theme. And even if my guesses in that direction are completely off, it makes MY skin crawl.
Fellow INFJs, can't we have some fucking pride? Some steel in our backbones? Own up to our mistakes without giving in to that sweet, sweet temptation of ritual self-flagellation? And I don't mean push existential blame outward to prevent it from going inward, but to just disarm the whole concept altogether?
INFJs are just people. People come with different default patterns. Each default pattern has some gorgeously polished skills right out of the box, and because of that optimization everyone also has a couple of stupid failure modes. Blame the limits of the bloody wetware.
Sure, INFJs piss people off. Guess who also piss people off? All other 15 types.
Warning, generalizations ahead.
Je-doms piss people off because they steamroller over other people in pursuit of their goals.
Ji-doms piss people off because they can't be arsed to cooperate unless they're convinced it's necessary.
Pe-doms piss people off because they're too distractable and march to the beat of their own drummer.
Pi-doms piss people off because they're convinced they're right about something until it turns out they're wrong, and then they update their priors and are automatically right again.
Everyone's annoying to someone. But being who you are doesn't earn you a black mark on your soul. Nor does pissing someone off online. Doing things like cheating on someone or banning them from seeing people they love or abandoning them in dire straits earns you a black mark on your soul, and if you've done that you KNOW it. And actually, giving in to that inclination to bending the knee in supplication makes it MORE likely we'll do things like that. (See here, article about kids but I'm pretty sure it works for adults too, especially adults with a highly sensitive embarrassment trigger. Who did that describe again? Oh yeah, Fe users.)
My wish for this conversation (all conversations, really) is to end somewhere where we have better understanding of ourselves and others, and also retain (or gain) the capacity of standing up straight, owning our choices for better or worse, and letting voices - and in case of INFJs that mostly means our OWN voices - telling us that we should be deeply ashamed of what we ARE slide off our backs like water off ducks.
Except when [MENTION=6723]phobik[/MENTION] tells us that, of course.
But still it's just a pattern. Arising from communication failure between different, but equally valid, brain structures. A pattern that would probably make [MENTION=15291]Mane[/MENTION] even more convinced that INFJs probably are constitutionally incapable of responding to criticism with anything even remotely resembling a proporational response and would probably make [MENTION=5999]PeaceBaby[/MENTION]'s flesh crawl with the 'martyr' theme. And even if my guesses in that direction are completely off, it makes MY skin crawl.
Fellow INFJs, can't we have some fucking pride? Some steel in our backbones? Own up to our mistakes without giving in to that sweet, sweet temptation of ritual self-flagellation? And I don't mean push existential blame outward to prevent it from going inward, but to just disarm the whole concept altogether?
INFJs are just people. People come with different default patterns. Each default pattern has some gorgeously polished skills right out of the box, and because of that optimization everyone also has a couple of stupid failure modes. Blame the limits of the bloody wetware.
Sure, INFJs piss people off. Guess who also piss people off? All other 15 types.
Warning, generalizations ahead.
Je-doms piss people off because they steamroller over other people in pursuit of their goals.
Ji-doms piss people off because they can't be arsed to cooperate unless they're convinced it's necessary.
Pe-doms piss people off because they're too distractable and march to the beat of their own drummer.
Pi-doms piss people off because they're convinced they're right about something until it turns out they're wrong, and then they update their priors and are automatically right again.
Everyone's annoying to someone. But being who you are doesn't earn you a black mark on your soul. Nor does pissing someone off online. Doing things like cheating on someone or banning them from seeing people they love or abandoning them in dire straits earns you a black mark on your soul, and if you've done that you KNOW it. And actually, giving in to that inclination to bending the knee in supplication makes it MORE likely we'll do things like that. (See here, article about kids but I'm pretty sure it works for adults too, especially adults with a highly sensitive embarrassment trigger. Who did that describe again? Oh yeah, Fe users.)
My wish for this conversation (all conversations, really) is to end somewhere where we have better understanding of ourselves and others, and also retain (or gain) the capacity of standing up straight, owning our choices for better or worse, and letting voices - and in case of INFJs that mostly means our OWN voices - telling us that we should be deeply ashamed of what we ARE slide off our backs like water off ducks.
Except when [MENTION=6723]phobik[/MENTION] tells us that, of course.