proteanmix
Plumage and Moult
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2007
- Messages
- 5,514
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- 1w2
I don't understand why you can't just let people talk about their feelings without implying that they might be deluded.
You're good. I come across looking like a meanie for asking what makes you an empathizer. Just agree and all will be well.
How so?
One of these friends works with Adult Protective Services. Physically she says she gets is tension headaches, fatigue, and sleep disturbances. Another one works for the Veteran's Administration as a program manager. Physically same thing and she believes she's depressed. The third works in the domestic violence division in our local district court.
When I talk to them, they emphasize their mental and emotional reactions over their physical reactions. The body will react to stress regardless. I'm not trivializing physical reactions, I'm just saying that for myself and my little friend group, we're more prone to emphasize and analyze the psychological components.
Demeanor and personality changes are more grave of course. More effort to lighten their mood, they say they can't relax and just have a good time, conversations are dominated by darker subjects. Two of them work with adults so there's anxiety about aging and dying. Worry about losing their ability to see the best in people since they see so many monsters. I especially relate to one of them saying that they can't be around optimistic people because they fear they will contaminate them. We all feel prematurely aged mentally. Not really able to connect with those in our peer group. We all say we are more prone to doubt people motives so there's the feeling of being negative and pessimistic towards others which brings shame at the loss of faith in humanity. Also isolating behaviors, not really knowing what to talk with other people about since so much of their minds are dominated by what they do...feeling a need to put up a facade of happiness so as not to drag other people down. We all feel like we're too serious and berate ourselves for not being able to just lighten up. On the positive side, you can tell when there are good weeks, when a situation resolves as well as it can or nothing especially bad happens because their demeanor changes...more smiling, sillier conversations, less frantic emails and texts, lol.
Recently my friend who works with APS told me of a elderly woman who as left at a local hospital because of severe burns to her hands. It was suspected that her caretaker son burned her so she could get admitted to the hospital and he could have respite. This is from me asking "How was your day?" That comment lead to a conversation about family dynamics and human nature, hospice care, elder care, health care reform, just anything.
I identify with many of their feelings. The most I'll register physically is queasiness and unease in my belly, no other odd sensations. I don't know if I should call this empathy or not.
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