[ENFP] Hate an ENFP? Tell us why!

[Billy]

I like ENFPs a lot, I have the best time with them. I am currently seeing an ENFP girl, I am hoping shes as crazy sexual as everyone says ENFPs are! We have a wonderful time together though nonstop laughing and talking. Except when we are making out ha!

 

[Koocoomoo]

I don't hate ENFPs
But I hate AN ENFP
I hate her because she's this illogical wench that jumps to conclusions, is crazy defensive, always pointing her finger at someone, and is just. so. MEAN.
She's so paranoid that some one is doing her wrong, and she ALWAYS needs to be complaining about something. Just not appreciative.
Then she puts on this "smile, everything's sunny attitude" whenever she talk to people that don't know her -- they don't know the truth about how she acts, only what she SHOWS... which is how she draws people in.
>=(

 

[Tofu562]

maybe you ought to tell her that she's mean. when someone tells me i did something mean i usually feel pretty terrible about it.

 

[Curious1]

I like this Tertiary Te usage. It's the most ENFP thing I've seen in the forums all day!

I think a lot of what the difference between "over-sensitive" and the ability (or distinction) of controlling one's own sensitivity, and the struggles that can ensue, seem to be the difference between ENFPs who utilize their secondary function more often on a general basis, due to it being encouraged through circumstance more than the oft times more comfortable extraverted functions at the ENFP's disposal. Just like how my Ni and Fi will work together to spin me around in never-never land unless I "DO SOMETHING" in the real world with extraverted thinking (which always feels like a chore for me, not having as much extrovert experience in my life), with an extrovert it's going to be the flip side of that, an ENFP's extraverted functions being Ne, the ability to see connective reasoning in life, the universe, and everything...and Te, the ability to DO SOMETHING about the connective reasoning you have witnessed. Keep in mind however, that just like the introvert spiral can spin me too deep into myself if I'm not careful, the extroverted spiral between those two functions has the potential to spin you AWAY from yourself, from your internal Fi (which, I imagine, for ENFPs must seem just as much of an emotional chore as my Te is a rational one)

At least, that's the going theory? Discuss.

P.S. never my intention to offend any pedagogues, take all of this with a grain of salt! Most of it comes from the book "Personality Type - An Owner's Manual"

That explains exactly how I feel at least a few times a day usually. It's so much fun when the thinking takes over, makes me feel sharp and smart! Any ideas on how to develop using the Te more for ENFPs? If I could do that, I would probably be able to be less indecisive which is my least favorite characteristic of all.

 

[Dailtone]

Hate an ENFP? Tell us why !

Okay, here are a few things that I have thankfully improved on over the years, but still bother me to a certain degree :

1.I hate being forgetful. I sincerely forget about 20 things a day unless I write things down and REMEMBER to look at the list. I dont mean to let people down or make they're requests seem unimportant. I can be super-organised, but not in all areas of my life and not all the time.

2.I hate being caught between two people I care about. I find it emotionally and physically draining. I find that other people can be possessive over me and I feel like a pawn in their power games.

3. I hate being terribly indecisive about the most trivial of things. Must everything be so subjective?

4. I hate procrastinating. But I cant seem to get anything done unless I'm in crisis mode. So I need to procrastinate in order to get into crisis mode so I can get things done.

5. The only thing consistent about me is that I believe in my sincerity, individuality, willingness to constantly self-improve and cause no one any harm (emotional or otherwise ). I usually overcome my bad habits by reflecting on how they may undermine or contradict any of the above.

 

[Thessaly]

I just ended things tonight with an ENFP I have been dating for several weeks, because I came to the conclusion he had narcissistic personality disorder. I'm not kidding, or exaggerating for effect either. He literally was a sociopathic narcissist. While I am grateful to have observed such a species for my own database collection (I am fond of studying psychological defects), I can't help but say at the end of the day: yet another ENFP that wrecked havoc on my life. This does not help your cause ENFPs. Seriously.

 

[Scott N Denver]

I just ended things tonight with an ENFP I have been dating for several weeks, because I came to the conclusion he had narcissistic personality disorder. I'm not kidding, or exaggerating for effect either. He literally was a sociopathic narcissist. While I am grateful to have observed such a species for my own database collection (I am fond of studying psychological defects), I can't help but say at the end of the day: yet another ENFP that wrecked havoc on my life. This does not help your cause ENFPs. Seriously.

You just don't have much luck with ENF's do you thessaly? I wish you better luck next time!

 

[Mr.Time]

Let's see, why am I sick of ENFPs? From my experience:

(1) ENFP's exaggerate everything, and I mean everything. Sometimes, I am reasonable in stating that it is no more an exaggeration, but a lie.

(2) ENFP's flirt with everyone, and I mean everyone. They will flirt with you until they are bored, and then, move on to the next subject. It's disgusting how they lead people on to believe that they're interested in you, or at least in being your friend, when all they really want is to use you for their temporary satisfaction.

(3) ENFP's will do almost anything (or say anything) to please others. For someone like me, this is a . They definitely think they dont, but they do.

(4) ENFP's are so convinced about a certain "truth" that they will refuse to acknowledge that they are wrong. If they believe in a higher power, then they are so convinced of it that they will look down on others who don't see it the same way.

(5) ENFP's like to think and openly declare that they are looking at people's interiors (their inner souls), when most of them usually decide on a person (and his state of affairs) before even getting to know them. They look at the exterior, believe it or not. Overall, they judge a person by their looks, nothing much more than that.

You may be thinking I am just a hater, but I am only stating what I have observed about them, in general. The truth hurts sometimes. I know that most ENFPs will refuse to acknowledge the above, a typical reaction (see #4).

 

[Amargith]

5) is wrong, ime, as most of us tend to postpone judgement tilll way later till we feel we've explored all options and have gathered all the necessary info (one of the reasons we seem so wishy washy on our decisions). In the event of us deciding earlier, it's usually coz we've encountered a personal dealbreaker and the rest of the info is no longer needed.

The rest of the list can happen, or can be perceived as such, yes

Actually...you would benefit from talking to ENFPs about these behaviors one on one. You'll find that often there's a different logic or train of thoughts behind the behaviour than appears to be the case at first glance.

This is not meant to say that these behaviors are in fact excused or good. It just seems to me that you don't understand where they come from, and you might view them differently if you did

 

[Mr.Time]

Why dont you explain here how such actions can be justified! My ignorant self is unable to understand how such a personality can truly care about people and still possess characteristics (1)-(4). It seems to go against everything a rational creature would assume.

 

[Amargith]

Why dont you explain here how such actions can be justified! My ignorant self is unable to understand how such a personality can truly care about people and still possess characteristics (1)-(4). It seems to go against everything a rational creature would assume.

Because all of us have maturing to do. Caring for others doesn't mean you won't accidentily harm them because of immature tendencies you're still trying to correct, or haven't even realized you possess. We aren't born wise and understanding. We grow into that. And meaning well doesn't mean executing well, unfortunately...

Let's see...

1) My personal values hold that I don't lie. Some might, because they want to protect you or not hurt your feelings. Exaggeration is something you might consider to be the case. And objectively you're probably right, but some of us experience things intensely, enjoy telling a good story and have a sucky memory with an overactive imagination. It kinda..gets tangled up. It's not meant to be malicious, it's meant to entertain.

2) That's a matter of perspective. I do this all the time. I make sure people are aware of it though before I start, and that they know what the outcome will be. Took me a while to realize that othesr didn't work like that and that I had to build in those disclaimers to make sure I didn't hurt anyone. Also, it's not that I get tired with you, it's just that I only have a little bit of time and a lot of interesting people to meet. Each and everyone is different however and special in their own way. Some will be more dear to me than others, because I connect better with them. However, that does not mean that I don't also very much care for those that I don't have that connection with. Take it for what it is worth, I know this is a hard one to understand, from experience.

3) Yes, this is true. What's so wrong about that? I won't though, if they ask me to do something against my Fi. Other than that, why on earth would I refuse a request from someone. I have no good reason to do so. I appreciate people helping me, why wouldn't I do the same for them ,especially if it's just a small thing?? I used to be even more like this when I was younger, as I..I dunno, I found it offensive to refuse people things, especially if it was a small effort required. Why would I be mean to them? Nowadays, I take more distance, check who the person in front of me is, and check my own schedule. But I still am very willing to help them out.

4) Looking down isn't usually meant that way. It stems from the frustration that we cannot communicate our 'logic'. Fi is...hard to explain. It's also passionate, and very protective of what's important in our eyes. Since our memory sucks, we cannot tell you how many infinite patterns we went through and which ones they were, and how many associations we had to make to get to this result. All we know is that to us, this is true. And you hammering it as if it's a useless piece of junk, doesn't put us in a good mood. So expect to get hit back with a Te-hammer

Oh and...we're not rational creatures in the traditional sense of the word
Btw..neither are you, at least a part of you, or you wouldn't find yourself frustrated over being attracted to an irrational creature in the first place

 

[Laurie]

There is no reason to justify immaturity in personality types. All personality types have drawbacks.

(1) I used to exaggerate, it made stories sound more interesting. Now either I state things exactly (not say 4 instead of 3) OR I do extreme exaggeration (I have 700 kids). Most people can follow the concept.

(2) This can be true, but what usually happens is that people *think* ENFPs are flirting with everyone. We usually can see worth in everyone, so we are more apt to seem appreciative of all people. I've said this before, but when I was about 21 I was nice to some guy, and people I worked with said I flirted. I had no reason to flirt, it hadn't even crossed my mind, I was just being nice. He called and asked me on a date.

ENFPs need to learn to balance other people's views on what flirting is and also their effect they have on other people. It can be a rush for an ENFP to flirt with people.

It's almost a cycle in life (a) Being nice to everyone and smiling at people. (b) realizing people think you are flirting with them. (c) liking this flirting thing, which is really just being yourself (d) being more careful with how others perceive the flirting.

(3) This can be a struggle until an ENFP matures and learns to balance wanting to please people with being able to phrase things in ways that are helpful and not (very) hurtful.

(4) Yelling a view at an ENFP is never going to work, no matter what language it is couched in. It is more important to present interesting points and allow the ENFP to consider these points. Mutual understanding is more important than winning. (most of the time) I will usually mutate into the type of discussion the other person is having. If they are open and inviting then I will be too. If they unable to take time to listen to the other person then I will not be as understanding.

Amar explained (5)

Every type sucks, don't forget that

I like to get ideas of things to work on from threads like this, I try not to respond or be defensive (I did that in one ENFP thread) It's a good growing experience. I only answered this because of the sweet demand of an answer.

 

[INTP]

Why dont you explain here how such actions can be justified! My ignorant self is unable to understand how such a personality can truly care about people and still possess characteristics (1)-(4). It seems to go against everything a rational creature would assume.

not everyone are rational creatures. you cant understand others if you judge them before you understand them, if you are unable to understand them, dont judge them, or it just makes it harder(or impossible) for you to understand them.

 

[Moiety]

Why dont you explain here how such actions can be justified! My ignorant self is unable to understand how such a personality can truly care about people and still possess characteristics (1)-(4). It seems to go against everything a rational creature would assume.

Just because you're bitter and have a skewed perception doesn't mean the actual actions (and not how they were perceived) need justification. If you don't like ENFPs stay away from them.

 

[Laurie]

Well this is an "Hate an ENFP" and some people take that to mean "did you have a bad experience with one ENFP and hate them all now? Tell us why!"

eta: OP says "anything at all, have at it" so I think his post fit.

 

[BerberElla]

(5) ENFP's like to think and openly declare that they are looking at people's interiors (their inner souls), when most of them usually decide on a person (and his state of affairs) before even getting to know them. They look at the exterior, believe it or not. Overall, they judge a person by their looks, nothing much more than that.

True and yet not true, I don't judge people by their looks, I judge them by their "looks", ie I see something in their eyes that creeps me out and that's what I judge on.

The only times I have ever ignored my instant reaction to a persons "looks" I ended up letting evil into my life.

In a split second I can suss out a persons nice factor based on their "looks" and I am always right it turns out.

I know that most ENFPs will refuse to acknowledge the above, a typical reaction (see #4).

Ah, that ol' tactic.

 

[BerberElla]

Anyway, I came on this thread to say, I hate ENFP's because you never just come right out and say it, enough with the excuses, just spit the truth out you weak wally. (yes, this goes to me too sometimes haha)

 

[Moiety]

eta: OP says "anything at all, have at it" so I think his post fit.

Yeah, I know. That's what I'm doing too.



I will agree to (1), though.

 

[Amargith]

^^^Agreed...vibes are important. Though it won't keep me away from them, it will make me be extra careful until i can pinpoint where the vibe comes from..what the cause of it is so I can take the precise precautions for it not to be an issue.

 

[Amargith]

Actually I hate ENFPs for that flaky flaw, that flaw that makes us disappoint people and space on promises, just because we're off doing something else, being distracted or down right procrastinating.