[Traditional Enneagram] Seeing our own 'type' in others

[Z Buck McFate]

What characteristics or behavior in others leads you to believe you are dealing with someone of your own enneatype?

Are there ways in which 'mind reading' (better implicit understanding of what someone means, less misunderstanding of intentions; see: Theory of mind) happens effortlessly?

 

[EJCC]

This is going to be very stream-of-consciousness, so bear with me.

Ones can seem extremely different from one another initially. The only way I can peg someone as a One is when I see evidence of a very serious, unspoken, intense* desire to do the right thing. And I know I'm not describing that well -- will try again in a paragraph or two. Regardless, some Ones wear this on their sleeve -- for example ISxJ Ones are some of the most obvious Ones I've ever met. In contrast, extroverted Ones are harder to pinpoint.

The times that I've spotted a fellow One and seen them for what they were without hearing their type directly from them, I got a strong vibe when someone said something they disagreed with. Whether they started arguing with them, or sat silently, it was pretty much impossible to miss their channelling of righteous anger. It's distinct, and you know it when you see it.

The "mind-reading" that tends to happen between me and fellow Ones has to do with interpretation of their judgments. We see those tendencies in each other and instinctively understand that we've created a safe space for those judgments, somewhere where we won't be judged for judging. Somewhere we are allowed to be angry, at least for a while.


*Edit: I use this word for a reason. Even seemingly relaxed/easier-going Ones have this intensity. To me, as I project it, it feels white-hot and laser-focused.

Edit2: curious as to input from other Ones on this forum, e.g. [MENTION=7111]fidelia[/MENTION], [MENTION=20829]Hard[/MENTION], and [MENTION=15246]SD45T-2[/MENTION], off the top of my head

 

[Forever]

Simply as a threes tend to face problems between working too hard and being very lazy.

Over achievers, they're the people you know who want to stand out.

 

[Riva]

I try my best not the Project. Projecting is wrong, projecting is ugly, I keep reminding myself.

That being said I find it hard to relate to people from my Ennea type and MBTI type.

Do I look and sound so easy going, relaxed and content I ask myself?

No is the answer.

But most people say I sound like I am content and lighthearted most of the time. In this forum most people say I sound like I am joking around.

^ that's exactly how I see other people of my Ennea and MBTI type.

 

[uumlau]

In my experience, it's very difficult to spot Enneagram types in other people, even my own type. The distinguishing features of a type take play very much beneath the surface, and while one can superficially have a particular personality that jibes with that type, they are often not of that type and you see that, oh, they're a particular MBTI type, but not the typical Enneagram type for that MBTI type.

If I know someone really well, I can occasionally get an idea of their type, or at least the pieces of their tritype, but it's not nearly as accurate as my ability to spot MBTI types.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I haven't studied enneagram as much as Jung's theories, but E4s are distinctive for their personal sensitivity and originality of thought. In my understanding the E4 is intellectually autonomous, so they value originality for the sake of it, and don't have to have accolades. Emotionally there is a need for some acceptance from those they value most, but not general acceptance which implies submitting to convention.

 

[thoughtlost]

I think it's not easy to spot all 6s. People that look and behave like a 6 (the cartoonish stereotypical version of a 6) may not actually be a 6. Enneagram is easier for me to see than MBTI, but that still requires the other person to provide some explicit input about how they view themselves/the world.

If I can get the person to talk at length about their inner motivations and disucss it with me, then it's much easier to get at their core type. But I don't think I can mind-read on the basis of their "enneagram vibes" without explicit input from the person.

Also, I'll note that I rarely meet someone that truly has my way of thinking. In a tangental way, there are people I can say have a similar way of thinking about things to me, but it's not enough for me to feel that it is coming from the same enneagram type and/or mbti type

 

[Bush]

Most Threes make the mistake of "I this, I that, I, I, I." No, that's not how you go about getting people to like you; that's how you end up getting people to think that you're an egotistical tool. That gives a bad name to all of us Threes, which as a three I care about I guess.... ?

As far as recognizing others -- definitely. "Don't bullshit a bullshitter" as they say.

 

[Yama]

I can't type people worth shit. What I have noticed though is that if you can't figure out someone's enneagram, they're probably either a 9 or a 6.

 

[á´…eparted]

I rather agree with [MENTION=4945]EJCC[/MENTION] on identifying 1's. However, most of them are not obvious on the surface, because many of them have a lot of self-restraint from the things that define them as 1's. That's just how they're designed. Honestly though, you have to hear a person talk about some of their inner workings to type them with enneagram, regardless of type.

One of the best ways to litmus test for a 1 though, is disagree with them on an issue they're passionate about. They all have the same quality of "I'm right, you're wrong, accept it" and sort of refusal to engage in debate. If they do, they'll remount the same points over and over with little change.

If you know them personally, get them to talk about neuroses that they have. Almost all of them will come across as perfectonistic and sort of self sacrificing in the name of doing the right thing, and if they're upset, they'll fault themselves without even noticing that they are.

 

[miss fortune]

I find it easier to identify people by type once they start talking about their motives for doing things... otherwise at best you're making an educated guess based on their outward actions

some types have a certain vibe to them that's hard to describe that can give a hint as to the fact that they are that type, but I wouldn't bet anything I valued on it... like how a lot of 8s can give off this feeling of a resting rottie or shepherd... they have the potential there to cause some serious damage, but they are fine with being chill until someone fucks with one of their people in some way... they may even be friendly and such, but underneath the surface you get a feeling...

and that doesn't even always happen

 

[Z Buck McFate]

Thanks all for responding and just a reminder/some bossy direction: this isn't about whether or not we can effectively type other people. My point, rather, is to ask what sorts of "so this is what it feels like when doves cry" moments people might have with others in regard to their enneagram type.

If you never have them, that's totally cool. But some people do, and that's what I'm looking for.

/super-J bossy bossyness

 

[miss fortune]

oh! so like when I witness another 8 putting someone in their place and think "do I really get that blunt?"

 

[Z Buck McFate]

Yeah! Like, when you catch glimpses of the stuff that makes you (believe you're) an 8 in other people.

 

[á´…eparted]

Thanks all for responding and just a reminder/some bossy direction: this isn't about whether or not we can effectively type other people. My point, rather, is to ask what sorts of "so this is what it feels like when doves cry" moments people might have with others in regard to their enneagram type.

If you never have them, that's totally cool. But some people do, and that's what I'm looking for.

/super-J bossy bossyness

I love it when I see other 1's lay down the smack down in particular . For us it's really satisfying, because we perpetually feel like the only ones who will do it. So it's like "OMG YES FINALLY". EJCC and I very frequently have relating moments because not only are we 1's, we're very similar 1's (for reasons I haven't quite been able to tease apart actually ). I have also had many moments like that come up with other 1's on here, and 1's in person. It's very much a "yeah... I really really get you. I feel that." and it's often in a rather deep sense that doesn't happen often. Considering enneagram gets to the core of who you are, it makes sense it's going to feel like a deep knowing and kinship when you see things parallel to yourself manifest in others.

I also agree with it's sort of validating because it lends to feeling like you typed correctly seeing the same sort of behavior manifest in someone else.

 

[EJCC]

oh! so like when I witness another 8 putting someone in their place and think "do I really get that blunt?"

^ The 1 version of this happened to me the other day. I have a 1w2 coworker, and she and I were going out to lunch, and I noticed that we were both paying more attention to what was going on around us that might need to be corrected, than we were paying attention to each other.

I'm not usually THAT high-strung, but I didn't know her all that well, so I was a little on-edge. She may have been in the same boat. Regardless, it was interesting to think that that's how I seem to other people.

 

[highlander]

Reactivity is probably the biggest thing

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I think Enneagram is easier to see than MBTI.

I recognize the 6 tunnel vision under stress. Not in terms of anger but the building up of many options to consider. It's subtle. More a restless or nervous energy that is easily displaced with giving perspective to the 6.

It's something I have noticed in myself and do often mentally to counter-act not making a decision.

 

[evilrubberduckie]

I dont see it because Im too awesome and cool for others to even get close.

 

[Luv Deluxe]

There are symptoms that flag somebody as a potential 7 to me, for sure. It's the nature of the beast underneath that seals the deal, as I think (like 3s) we often come across as smooth and entertaining on the outside while not actually being so chill on the inside.

I notice things like difficulty sitting still, the relative absence of (outwardly demonstrated) sadness/negativity, charisma combined with nervous idiosyncrasies (biting your lips, laughing during moments of discomfort), and a fairly widespread assortment of interests and skills. If 7s have an occupation they really enjoy, they're often very good at it and might stand out from their peers (just watch out for confusion with type 3).

I recently met a guy at a brewpub who strikes me as possible 7. He initially approached me by playing wingman for his friend, but we had more in common and kinda hit it off. There was something pretty effortless to him, just fun and excited, full of stories, questions, and alcohol. A little bit cocky, but totally able to handle it whenever I'd give him shit.

Anyway, we ended up hanging out for a little bit and I told him I've got a boyfriend. He was really good-natured about it, though he'd clearly become sexually interested.

Eventually we grazed on a few deep topics, and he sort of spontaneously let slip that he was actually trying to forget about someone he'd been in love with for four years. It was very brief, but for half a second all of his rough edges bled through and I caught water shining in his eyes. I tried to seem encouraging and relaxed, but within moments he'd cracked a joke, shrugged it off, and kept right on keepin' on.

I thought, ah, there it is.