- Joined
- Dec 23, 2009
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- MBTI Type
- INTJ
- Enneagram
- 6w5
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/sp
What would cause an INFP to have low self esteem?
At the risk of sounding bombastic, I've always felt something like an alchemist with my issues. Confidence that boils out from within (only to die down again later). I've always somehow managed to transmute these problems into something more.. I could reshape myself if I wanted or needed to experience something new. Enough to even become somewhat popular and leader-like for awhile, then sinking back down, then up, etc.. To put another spin on this process: I went to some acting workshops in my 20's, and within a couple of weeks, the teacher told me that I didn't really need to stay around. "You're already an actor." She wanted me to go out on my own and just audition (ironically, I didn't have enough self-esteem with the reality of that). Point being that I could draw a lot of things out of myself, if necessary. Do any of you feel this way? Or are you consistently feeling low self-esteem? I also hear that INFPs (or Fi period?) are always trying to be "authentic". Do you never lie or channel characters or role models to cope (yes, I'm serious)? Or do you insist on feeling exactly what you feel at all times? Maybe that's the difference. Because personally, a lot of my more courageous moments required that I be completely full of it to get through something.. and in the process, kind of "live it", where it wasn't fake, but a new addition to my experiences.
What would cause an INFP to have low self esteem?
I know what you are talking about. It's like if I am given a leadership role, I think of it exactly like that, it is a role and not in conflict with my real self. I assume that people know it is a role, and won't think of me as a hypocrite or fake, or something. I can change myself into many different roles, kinda talk myself into having some set of thoughts in the situation, it is very much like acting for me. But this is not something I can keep up. That's why I wouldn't be a good leader every day from nine to five. I can do it for a time, but my real self is by far easier for me. It can even feel like I am sacrificing something to change into the person I need to become. So, I don't do it for nothing, I need to feel there is a reason for the "sacrifice".
My executive summary would involve the fact that we tend to not fit into our environments as a child, which makes us feel like outsiders that have to straddle the line between fitting in and being ourselves.
I like to vary on the details a bit, but the punchline is: being INFP.What would cause an INFP to have low self esteem?
Yeah I totally identify with this; the whole fear of coming off in the wrong way and going to great lengths to counteract the misinterpretation before it even occurs (if it was to happen at all).Something like this
Not all INFPs or even most have low self-esteems though. Sometimes, a strong sense of humility is confused with low self-esteem. The INFP may see the accepted cultural practice to self promote as distasteful.
I know on job interviews, I have a hard time "talking myself up" - I feel like a braggart. I suppose it can come across to others that I don't feel confident in my abilities or even know what I am doing. I really have to clench my teeth and get through that BS, because to me, it just reeks of egotism. However, I DO see my good qualities and have a pretty positive view of myself overall, but I feel like these traits should stand on their own. Whenever I have to tell people about them or choose to tell people, I feel incredibly pretentious. I think part of it is also not knowing the appropriate way to communicate these positive feelings without being too intense (and intensity may seem arrogant in this situation) - that's Fe territory.
Yeah I totally identify with this; the whole fear of coming off in the wrong way and going to great lengths to counteract the misinterpretation before it even occurs (if it was to happen at all).
I think it also comes from the perfectionistic aspect. Anything I do or create I view with a highly critical eye, to the point where I only see flaws. In my eyes, the positives are simply rendered irrelevant by the mere existence of imperfections. This can give the impression of my being insecure and inept when its actually the impossibly high standards I have for myself. I can't talk myself up for this reason because not matter how great I am at something, I feel I could be better and that completely distracts my attentions.
Yeah I totally identify with this; the whole fear of coming off in the wrong way and going to great lengths to counteract the misinterpretation before it even occurs (if it was to happen at all).
I think it also comes from the perfectionistic aspect. Anything I do or create I view with a highly critical eye, to the point where I only see flaws. In my eyes, the positives are simply rendered irrelevant by the mere existence of imperfections. This can give the impression of my being insecure and inept when its actually the impossibly high standards I have for myself. I can't talk myself up for this reason because not matter how great I am at something, I feel I could be better and that completely distracts my attentions.
I know on job interviews, I have a hard time "talking myself up" - I feel like a braggart. I suppose it can come across to others that I don't feel confident in my abilities or even know what I am doing. I really have to clench my teeth and get through that BS, because to me, it just reeks of egotism. However, I DO see my good qualities and have a pretty positive view of myself overall, but I feel like these traits should stand on their own. Whenever I have to tell people about them or choose to tell people, I feel incredibly pretentious. I think part of it is also not knowing the appropriate way to communicate these positive feelings without being too intense (and intensity may seem arrogant in this situation) - that's Fe territory.
I think it also comes from the perfectionistic aspect. Anything I do or create I view with a highly critical eye, to the point where I only see flaws. In my eyes, the positives are simply rendered irrelevant by the mere existence of imperfections. This can give the impression of my being insecure and inept when its actually the impossibly high standards I have for myself. I can't talk myself up for this reason because not matter how great I am at something, I feel I could be better and that completely distracts my attentions.
Yes, good point. We have such high ideals, we cannot even meet them, so we're our own worst critics. It's hard to act like you're so great when your flaws are glaringly clear to yourself.
I sometimes fear that if I talk about something I have done in a positive way, the other person will see the flaws that I see, and then it will appear that I am all talk. I'd rather downplay it and let them see the value on their own....