Describe Your Favorite Movie Horribly

[Hiraeth]

A "special" man talks about his life story to random strangers who will listen and later finds out he impregnated his best friend who all of a sudden dies and then ends up taking care of their love child. Also sees life like a box of chocolates.

Forrest Gump

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Woman marries war hero, war hero enters his father's business. Father has citrus-related death.

The Godfather

 

[Flâneuse]

Washed-up American actor with insomnia and a poor grasp of Japanese culture wanders around Tokyo and skips work; meets a much-younger unemployed American woman with insomnia and a similar penchant for wandering around. They wander around together behind their spouses' backs until one of them has to leave.

Lost in Translation

A man going through a mid-life/existential crisis tries to break out of the confines of his dull life by quitting his job, blackmailing his boss, taking up a marijuana habit, telling off his bitchy wife, and trying to sleep with a 16-year-old cheerleader. Then he realizes he doesn't want the cheerleader after all and finds true contentment within himself. Then he immediately dies.

American Beauty

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Cowboy fights bandits, hijacks train.

Back to the Future Part III

Singer with humble roots leaves his home to make in Hollywood.

The Muppet Movie

 

[The Cat]

Lonely Squid finds amusement in the form of a nuclear powered submarine in 19th century. Spartacus Sings!

20,000 Leagues under the Sea

 

[Coriolis]

Ronald-Reagan-analog plots coup against Jimmy-Carter-analog and is foiled by lowly colonel, drunk senator, and ill-fated advisor, with a packet of old love letters somewhere in the mix.

Seven Days in May, based on book written in 1963.

 

[meowington]

Two incompetent cops blame every drug related crime on Castro.

Bad Boys 2 (not at all a favorite, but what the heck)

Some folks develop anxiety issues after watching a video.

The Ring

 

[Hive]

In a grim, futuristic reimagining of the classic tale, oedipal Pinocchio and his girlfriend go on a violent odyssey through LA climaxing in a deadly showdown with the police.

Blade Runner.

 

[Lord Lavender]

A whiny kid becomes evil because of mommy and daddy issues and the dark side who is then eventually redeemed with love and the good side.

Warcraft III and Star wars I-VI

A homo-erotic adventure

Lord of the Rings, Jackass, Brokeback mountain, Hangover, Far too many to list

 

[Kas]

Some of movies I like very much. I tried to get their essence


It’s impossible that girls come from mud, that’s why guys are so different... and spend time sitting in dinner, making infantile jokes.

The Dinner

Pointe? Even when your life is about wrestling with the imitation of octopus, stop sometimes to smell the flowers.

Edd Wood.

American girl who should be an elephant and the French guy who should be Bogart… In the end we don’t even know who they really are, but it doesn’t work very well.

Breathless

Boy left his family to live in the bus in the forest. He read many books. Thoreau would be proud.

Into the Wild

Guy working/ loitering in Tokyo. He meets a bored girl who spends most time sitting on the sill. What to do? Such is life. Action wasn’t necessary.

Lost in Translation

What is there more than having jacket with golden scorpion and driving the car? Not much. There is a beat. There is an action.

Drive

Do you know what is watching movie to pain? First thing you lose will be your legs so you can’t run away. Then arms so you can’t switch tv off. But ears you will keep and I tell you why, to hear ‘prepare to die’ a hundred times.

Princess Bride

She has a lot to deal with: teenage girl, ghost of mother. But she handles it well, hides corpse of husband in a freezer and starts running a restaurant.

Volver

 

[Kas]

Woman marries war hero, war hero enters his father's business. Father has citrus-related death.

The Godfather

I really like this phrase

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Man enters the golf world elite while his grandmother is subjected to elder abuse in a nursing home. He wins a tournament and the hearts of spectators despite thowing public tantrums and heaping physical violence against his competitors.

Happy Gilmore

 

[meowington]

While listening to the radio a lesbian picks up an extra-terrestrial signal, explaining how to build a new amusement park ride.

Contact

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Sheriff contemplates his existence during an active murder investigation. He is surrounded by incompetence. Killer gets away.

No Country For Old Men

 

[Hiraeth]

During Saturday morning detention, five high school teenagers get high together, do a bunch of obnoxious 80s dancing, and talk about their unhappy personal lives. At the end they sort of hook up, all except for the nerd of course.

The Breakfast Club

 

[Totenkindly]

Stage performers can't agree on what knot was used, resulting in breaking the laws of physics as well as conventional morality.

The Prestige

Old wrinkly blind guy with a complexion issue has to protect his food from a crazy girl and her flying midget gang.

Pan's Labyrinth

Scientist's consciousness fractures into three pieces when he can't deal with a misplaced ring.

The Fountain

Has-been entertainer with a health condition fucks things up again and decides, "What the hell..."

The Wrestler

Two failed obsessives abuse each other on stage, drawing great applause.

Whiplash

Erudite connoisseur escapes locked room, invites old friends to dinner; a colleague has nothing to wear despite planning ahead.

The Silence of the Lambs

Paperwork mishap results in poor HVAC performance, necrophilia, and permanent blissful catatonia.

Brazil

Women road-trip one way while pursued by admirers, then road-trip home.

Mad Max: Fury Road

Life sucks and then you die (but afterwards, you realize it wasn't that bad after all).

American Beauty

 

[violet_crown]

An old rich dude spends a lot of money to make dinosaurs out of really old mosquitos. Other rich people get worried that might not be super safe, so he invites some dino doctors, a math person, and his grandkids to scope it out for him. Turns out it 100% wasn't safe. Most of them get eaten. They're also unable to locate a goat.

Jurassic Park

A black dude and a white dude shoot a lot of people while trying to find another black dudes briefcase. Pretty much everyone dies. One of the black dudes had been on the dino island.

Pulp Fiction

The black dude who had been on the dino island and also had shot a lot of people trying to find a briefcase also gets eaten by a shark with Alzheimers.

Deep Blue Sea

He also apparently hunted Confederate soliders sometime in the past. Everyone totally dies here as well.

Hateful Eight

Some old dude is banging a hot, younger woman, then ends up banging her mom because he had a heart attack. The mom also hooks up with a hot doctor who knows kung fu.

Samuel L. Jackson is not in this movie, so everyone survives.

Something's Gotta Give

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

A self-absorbed teenager who spends most of his free time hanging out with an eccentric older man witnesses his older friend murdered by terrorists, escapes in friend's car, and spends some quality time with his mom and dad. He learns absolutely nothing in the experience. He also brings social and financial ruin to his father's boss and old high school classmate.

Back to the Future

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

Computer nerds are inexplicably the sexiest, coolest clique in high school and know where all the best raves are.

hackers

 

[meowington]

An obnoxious looking guy with an attitude problem and a huge dong fucks everything that moves, particularly girls on roller skates, while making a lot of money out of it.

Boogie Nights