With so much entertainment available, why are so many of us still so bored and lonely?

[KurtCobain]

Even with constant access to the internet through smart phones, so many people I know are bored and lonely? Why is that, and what is the remedy?

 

[Maou]

The constant access is actually the problem.

Dopamine abuse due to instant gratification, causes lack of drive and fulfillment. Almost everything technology wise is designed to get you addicted, psychologically. Unless you can detox from the internet, and stop the instant gratification cycle, you will succumb to the same listless void.

 

[Tomb1]

Even with constant access to the internet through smart phones, so many people I know are bored and lonely? Why is that, and what is the remedy?

I call the remedy sink or swim: the survivor reality game of all survivors which finds out the stuff they are made of. The subject will receive just a five grand sign-on bonus and a basement apartment (w/ bars on the windows) in a low economic moderately high crime area with no heat in the apartment and a back yard full of rubbish and garbage, even a toilet bowl as amongst the garbage and across the street from the apartment a park full of drug addicts, some who yell at the top of their lungs with no shirt on while seated in a lotus meditation position. (I know a place). Across the river is a thriving downtown city and the area as a whole has parks, public libraries, train stations...no big malls but a culture of shop to shop secondhand commerce. 1000 a month rent will be due at the first of each month. Whatever job the subject had during their lonely and boring smart phone existence is erased and cannot be used for purposes of obtaining new employment unless it was a job that paid less than 15 dollars an hour...whatever degree they had no longer exists and all they have to their name money-wise is that five grand....their objective is to find their way back home to their lonely and boring smartphone existence....the only rule is they can not rely on and/or call upon any pre-designated lifelines (financial or otherwise) for help...no matter what happens, they have to play it out to the end....

 

[Maou]

I call the remedy sink or swim: the survivor reality game of all survivors which finds out the stuff they are made of. The subject will receive just a five grand sign-on bonus and a basement apartment (w/ bars on the windows) in a low economic moderately high crime area with no heat in the apartment and a back yard full of rubbish and garbage, even a toilet bowl as amongst the garbage and across the street from the apartment a park full of drug addicts, some who yell at the top of their lungs with no shirt on while seated in a lotus meditation position. (I know a place). Across the river is a thriving downtown city and the area as a whole has parks, public libraries, train stations...no big malls but a culture of shop to shop secondhand commerce. 1000 a month rent will be due at the first of each month. Whatever job the subject had during their lonely and boring smart phone existence is erased and cannot be used for purposes of obtaining new employment unless it was a job that paid less than 15 dollars an hour...whatever degree they had no longer exists and all they have to their name money-wise is that five grand....their objective is to find their way back home to their lonely and boring smartphone existence....the only rule is they can not rely on and/or call upon any pre-designated lifelines (financial or otherwise) for help...no matter what happens, they have to play it out to the end....

Are you okay?

 

[Tomb1]

Are you okay?

That doesn't follow. Me thinking that the absence of deprivation being the real killer of drive and character and describing the solution to this problem in harsh and not nice terms in no way implies I'm not okay or that whether I am okay requires askin' . Also, I don't see much point in those kinds of questions given what I deem okay could be upside down compared to what you deem okay so nobody really gains any information from answers to those generic sorts of questions. But since you asked, yeah, I'm okay (as in whats okay to me which is far different from what's okay to you)

NOW I fully stand by my point... a person when thrown into the trenches (the guts of life) by choice, circumstance or just good old fashioned tough love where they are deprived of the many taken-for granted luxuries and their back is now put up against the wall....simply left to their own devices...they will sink or swim...tougher they are innately the less sinking will occur but regardless leaving any basically competent person to their own devices in the trenches of life is what forges and brings out drive, grit, determination, and either builds or reveals tough character

 

[Maou]

That doesn't follow. Me thinking that the absence of deprivation being the real killer of drive and character and describing the solution to this problem in harsh and not nice terms in no way implies I'm not okay or that whether I am okay requires askin' . Also, I don't see much point in those kinds of questions given what I deem okay could be upside down compared to what you deem okay so nobody really gains any information from answers to those generic sorts of questions. But since you asked, yeah, I'm okay (as in whats okay to me which is far different from what's okay to you)

NOW I fully stand by my point... a person when thrown into the trenches (the guts of life) by choice, circumstance or just good old fashioned tough love where they are deprived of the many taken-for granted luxuries and their back is now put up against the wall....simply left to their own devices...they will sink or swim...tougher they are innately the less sinking will occur but regardless leaving any basically competent person to their own devices in the trenches of life is what forges and brings out drive, grit, determination, and either builds or reveals tough character

I was asking if you were okay, because you made it seem this was a personal irritation.

I think the problem isn't so much that this method doesn't work under normal circumstances, but that this circumstance isn't normal. We are in a cultural upheaval designed to keep us sedated. I don't think most want to face the true reality in front of them, and that is the lack of a future to fight for. Culture is evaporating, reasons to try, are vanishing. While I agree that people need to wake up and make themselves useful, you should also acknowledge that the burden now is more heavy than any of the previous generations that came before, because they just kicked the bucket down the road and now there is no more road left to kick down.

 

[Tomb1]

I was asking if you were okay, because you made it seem this was a personal irritation.

I think the problem isn't so much that this method doesn't work under normal circumstances, but that this circumstance isn't normal. We are in a cultural upheaval designed to keep us sedated. I don't think most want to face the true reality in front of them, and that is the lack of a future to fight for. Culture is evaporating, reasons to try, are vanishing. While I agree that people need to wake up and make themselves useful, you should also acknowledge that the burden now is more heavy than any of the previous generations that came before, because they just kicked the bucket down the road and now there is no more road left to kick down.

Well, that's more your imagination than any mental state on my end. For future reference, if you feel that way, then I would suggest that you send a private message and/or visitor message asking "are you okay" instead of asking it on the thread which not only could derail from the subject matter but also indicates that you're seeking to manufacture an issue about the author's mental condition for self-serving reasons.

Culture is not evaporating...it's at an all time high since the end of the sixties. Assimilation is at an all-time low, but there are many forces out there who want to bring the 50s back which is a desire that all cultures should be assimilated, and thus the culture war inferno rages on and always will.

There is evaporation....evaporation of the middle class, evaporation of small business climate, and evaporation of physical fitness/health. These things have been evaporating for different reasons but have all been on the decline since the 50s...Although technology brings numerous cons, numerous people have and continue to provide themselves and those in their stead with significant resources through the field of technology....

You have to and will remember that blazing trails out of likes and wants is indulging weakness. So if you're approaching technology through a position of weakness, then it can wind up into the bored and lonely, vainglorious and narcissistic selfie-taking social media existence and just using technology as a vehicle to blaze trails out of likes and wants. But that doesn't happen if you come into it with a good mental strength base and approach technology from a position of power.... a lot of entrepreneurship and business and making businesses more efficient comes out of and can still come out of technology which is a sound and robust sector of the economy, but the drive and need (overall mental strength base) have to be there within the individual. There are numerous individuals who have it and many that don't.... material deprivation and other methods of deprivation are still and always will be very effective means of activation.

 

[Earl Grey]

The constant access is actually the problem.

Dopamine abuse due to instant gratification, causes lack of drive and fulfillment. Almost everything technology wise is designed to get you addicted, psychologically. Unless you can detox from the internet, and stop the instant gratification cycle, you will succumb to the same listless void.

I agree with this. When people do something that takes longer, involves themselves more, and isolates themselves from the comparison of others (say even make bread from scratch) it gives a lasting sense of satisfaction and a simple but good memory that builds self-esteem instead of being a giggle in the moment. Truly engaging experiences seems to be a basic human need; internet memes aren't. It's like the junk food portion of the hierarchy of needs and if you get too much you'll feel sick.

Maybe one day years into the future somebody will discover a new hierarchy of needs which divides entertainment into different kinds and balk at our junk-entertainment consuming selves. The fact we view it all as the same thing and thus inadvertently starving ourselves is a part of the problem. It's like saying "Why am I sick when I'm eating so many fries? It's food too?" yes it is, but it's not healthy to live off of. Keep your TV but go carve a couple of pumpkins with your buddies and laugh about it away from Instagram.

 

[ceecee]

Even with constant access to the internet through smart phones, so many people I know are bored and lonely? Why is that, and what is the remedy?

There has already been a great deal written on this subject but I believe the availability of phones and the internet has meant constant companionship — or at least the promise of constant companionship. It never delivers on what people expect out of a companion. The devices themselves create new behavior and new expectations that didn't exist prior. Because of that, people believe this kind of self-promotion (has never existed) is normal. Many believe that endless affirmation, unfettered anger, unlimited entertainment, and constant companionship are our due as humans. None of that solves loneliness or boredom.

Touch grass, as they say, might be the best idea to combat them.

 

[The Cat]

Mr. Sandman, make me a dream (bored, bored, bored, bored)
Make me the cutest that I've ever seen (bored, bored, bored, bored)
Give me two lips like roses and clover (bored, bored, bored, bored)
Then tell me that my lonesome nights are over
Sandman, I'm so alone (bored, bored, bored, bored)
Don't have nobody to call my own (bored, bored, bored, bored)
Please turn on your magic beam
Mr. Sandman, make me a dream
Mr. Sandman, make us a dream
Make us the cutest that we've ever seen
Give us the world so that we're not rovers
Then tell us that our lonesome nights are over
Sandman, we're so alone
Don't have identity to call our own
Please turn on your magic beam
Mr. Sandman, make us a dream
Mr. Sandman (yes) make us all dreams
Give us a pair of eyes with a "come-hither" gleam
Take away our lonely hearts like a dream
And make us look just like Belle Delphine
Mr. Sandman, someone to hold (someone to hold)
Would be so peachy before we're too old
So please turn on your magic beam
Mr. Sandman, make us, please, please, please
Mr. Sandman, make us a dream​

 

[ceecee]

Also, smart phones aren't a replacement for a desktop computer. Browsing the internet on a tiny screen and communicating without keyboard simply isn't as satisfying as with a large monitor. It feels like a prison.

If you have only used a phone and never used a desktop, and millions have not, I don't think it feels like a prison. It probably feels like a whole new world.

 

[Coriolis]

Also, smart phones aren't a replacement for a desktop computer. Browsing the internet on a tiny screen and communicating without keyboard simply isn't as satisfying as with a large monitor. It feels like a prison.

I agree. Even my (15") laptop feels small sometimes. There are many things I will do only on my desktop system. I have done website and graphics editing on a 10" netbook out of necessity. It was not fun.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

Our technology has supplanted a need to physically interact with one another. It's eroded the bonds we used to build naturally.

Tinder has turned relationships into a casino where one is always looking to trade up. On social media we only ever share our personal "wins" creating an unrealistic view of life where we compete with others to present a better facade of what our life looks like. The young no longer know how to talk to one another (thank God I grew up b4 social media).

All of this has decimated our historic gathering places that make community happen. No one needs to leave their house (covid exacerbated this) so they don't. Everyone's too anxious to start a convo with a real person when their out IRL so they don't. Men have porn and (mostly) no incentive to approach women so they don't. The costs of approaching and being rebuffed are too high lest one get blasted on social media, labeled a creep etc....

We evolved to be social creatures but were too excited to throw ourselves into the brave new world of tech and we did. We are now facing historic crises in relation formation among the young, collapsing birth rates (which have complimentary explanations beyond the scope of this thread), and a profound loneliness that permeates everything. We have increasing rates of depression and every other form of neuroticism which we throw SSRI's at without addressing the root cause.

It's too easy to turn your online existence into your whole life, and barring some titanic shift I don't see it changing soon.