Laurie
Was E.laur
- Joined
- Jan 3, 2009
- Messages
- 6,072
- MBTI Type
- ENFP
- Enneagram
- 7w6
Mind you I'd guess my incessant thinking and delving into concept makes them cringe too so all's fair.
Really?
Mind you I'd guess my incessant thinking and delving into concept makes them cringe too so all's fair.
Yeah!
I'm the only stupid, and shallow, flirt allowed in here.
You weren't even included in the flirt thread.
TRY HARDER!
That sounds strangely gross. I don't think I want anyone overhead dropping anything on me in the middle of the night.
Cut to months or years later, when I'm still dating this person who's never been right for me, solely because I empathized with them so quickly.
The hardest part is that I always feel I am being really honest in relationships- I never lie, or say anything I don't mean. My general attitude has been "Hey, I don't want to be with this person forever, but if they want to hang out for a while anyway, why not?"- and I've said as much to partners before.
The problem is, if you don't just break up with someone, they are never going to get that you have stopped considering them as a permanent option, no matter what you say. Particularly if you're an ENFP I think, because our empathetic behavior can often belie our true feelings for someone.
I'm getting much better about trusting my initial judgments, so at least I don't convince myself to see potential in relationships that doesn't exist (as much as I used to anyway). But it is still really hard to tell someone you aren't interested in them any more when you know, from their perspective, that you've seemed totally dedicated and interested from the start, and shouldn't be ready to call it quits so soon.
So I just try to remember that altruism is a terrible and condescending reason to stay in a relationship with anyone heh. And I am getting better about being more reserved at the beginning of a relationship, so that the other person doesn't feel swept up in a whirlwind romance right from the start, only to have it unexpectedly fizzle out.
Basically, I'm learning that in order to be respectful and honest, sometimes I have to let my empathy and general interest in people show a little bit less, even though this can feel self-abnegating in the moment.
I mean, I would hate to think someone was still with me just because they were afraid to hurt me; but like others have said, enfp's make great, interesting, fun friends.
Like any other type, immaturity in an ENFP can hurt romantic relationships.
Mostly my reason for staying in relationships is avoiding conflict, and trying never to hurt the other person. I figure that if I'm not happy with them, they won't be happy either and will leave when they're ready. I can't stand the though of ever hurting someone, so I'll be their crutch until they are ready to be on their own two legs.
D'oh! Good luck! D:Yeah, I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm often wishing someone would figure out that I'm not that into them, and break things off with me. That way, everyone saves face and no one's feelings are too badly hurt. It's like the perfect scenario- the dumpee actually wanted to be dumped!
It never works out that well though. Yes, breaking up with people sucks. But it is exponentially better than continuing a relationship you're no longer invested in, for everyone's sake. Otherwise, you're either going to hurt them much worse down the road, or hurt yourself by staying in an unsatisfactory relationship forever. At the very least, you're wasting however much of their time it takes for them to figure out what you should have told them as soon as you knew it.
Dammit. I think I just realized tomorrow's going to be a long day
It's probably been discussed before, but it seems like there is quite a lot of bias against the ENFP. The few complaints I've heard are that we're too childish and more melodramatic than any other NF (Which I have to disagree with. I knew an INFP who outdid me by miles). Do you believe any personality type is better than another?
EDIT: Alright, so I guess I didn't make this clear (I do tend to not make sense a lot of the time ) but I was wondering if you've had any negative experiences with the ENFP and what made you mad at them. Personal growth pages can only tell you so much. I'd love to hear your real life experience stories.
Being an ENFP, I have had my share. I find my fellow ENFPs to often be overexcited about everything and anything, and tend to run my energy levels in to the ground.
Mostly my reason for staying in relationships is avoiding conflict, and trying never to hurt the other person. I figure that if I'm not happy with them, they won't be happy either and will leave when they're ready. I can't stand the though of ever hurting someone, so I'll be their crutch until they are ready to be on their own two legs.
I'm sort of glad I'm not the only ENFP with relationship issues. I was in a relationship for 11 months, trying to make the other person happy. I left for a few days, but came back because they were upset. It ended in them dumping me, and now the deny even knowing me though we attend a school where we see each other all day long. I guess my ulterior motive is the joy i get from watching people be happy. I just don't want to be hated.
Since I'm hating on an ENFP at the moment I thought it'd be appropriate for me to respond.
In my particular ENFP experience, he seems to be a master at bullshitting. He likes to sugar-coat things and make you believe them. He manipulates the truth and only tells you what's convenient or what he THINKS you want to hear. He's cowardly and doesn't confront you about any issues. He has also been super defensive when you call him out on his shit. Hates it when I tell him the blunt truth. Lives in total denial.
Agreed, I definitely don't embody all aspects of an ENFP. I tend to be slightly more withdrawn than a lot of my fellow ENFPs, but still friendly. I just don't bubble over with every emotion I feel. I've also definitely gone down on the hyper scale.
I will say this for my dislike of the ENFP: We tend to stay dedicated to relationships that have died due to a sense of duty. It's better to be dumped than dump someone, am I right? Much more of a clean break.