"Not everyone has to like you all the time."
Before you rush to make a judgment about someone's intentions, think it through. Just do yourself a favor and give people the benefit of the doubt sometimes. Not everyone has an ulterior motive. And the fact that you think everyone does makes me think that you do. And that creeps me out.
Advice to ENFJ:
Don't contend to just appealing in the masses. Don't try to go for the maximum effect in 5 seconds. Try to actually deliver the amount of "care", "interest" or whatever you're trying to portray. If it requires impression to fewer people, but making them last more, do it. Your relationships will probably be deeper and serve you better.
"Chill out and don't take it so personally."
Fight your own battles, this goes for the infj as well, and perhaps the other NFs but I don't know many. When it comes to confrontation or risk of physical fight, I noticed a tendency for you guys to hide behind your friends and almost "expect" someone else or your friends to jump in and save you which is rude considering we didn't have anything to do with it in the first place, fight your own battles. I can think of multiple instances where they feel threatened and come running and hiding behind me basically begging me to fight for them, and even worse if they expect me to do it, when I never agreed to such things.
(thanks )
You don't need my input on every single decision in your life. I hate going shopping with you because you rely so heavily on what I think, but what I'm really thinking is that you are shallow and insecure. Get your own opinion of yourself and don't worry about what I'm thinking.
When you are wrong, just admit it and move on. The world will not fall apart. But the constant justifications make me hate you. Just say sorry.
Fin.
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To specific ENFJs I know, all male, and most of it applies to all three of them:
- Your self-effacing humor is charming, your confidence is charming, but please keep it to a healthy medium. Your overly self-critical and arrogant sides are not charming. You just come off as a complainer or lacking humility.
- Don't be so hard to please. Lower your expectations just a tad. You'll be disappointed less.
- Don't whine about not being able to find a girlfriend or "real love", and then be pursuing/flirting with 100 women at once. Don't whine about it, and then have ridiculously high standards that you can't even meet.
- Get some ambition. You're smart & capable of a lot, so set some goals and actually do something with your life. Your parent's gauge for success is not the only way, so instead of giving up, make your own way.
- Don't take the teasing and banter too far, especially if you can't take it back.
- Show your deeper Ni side sometimes. The friendly, light-hearted surface gets old after awhile. You're too intelligent, insightful & passionate to restrict yourself to that realm.
" It's the best feeling in the world to be around you
Actually, I am excited to read the responses in this thread! I am taking the feedback to heart. If I was disputing it in my mind, do you really think I could contain that and have the willpower to not respond to that effect?There is also the nagging feeling that this thread will be useless, either because of the "oh they don't really know me" or the "they're just angry at someone else of my type and are taking it out on me" excuse, or, following this note, the "but you're describing an unhealthy ENFJ," which unfortunately, I'm not. But I still think that you guys can get past all of that, if you really want to.
Why not? I do it all the timeActually, I am excited to read the responses in this thread! I am taking the feedback to heart. If I was disputing it in my mind, do you really think I could contain that and have the willpower to not respond to that effect?
LOL. Well not me. I can only contain myself for so long.Why not? I do it all the time
Don't try to find so many hidden emotional meanings. It will bother anyone who actually tries to be honest with you, and encourage those who aren't.
"Favors" are not currency (usually-- hey, so I'm crafty sometimes). If you do something for someone else, do it because you care for him/her, not because it will strengthen your bond or earn reciprocity in the future (though a good friend will oblige, but the point is, don't expect him to).
Do things without anyone's help every once in a while-- it will make you seem less needy to some of us, yes, but also, when someone relies on his/her personal relationships to get things done, it seems a lot less like real work and more like incompetency or nepotism (the word is seems, so don't get all riled up on me).
There is also the nagging feeling that this thread will be useless, either because of the "oh they don't really know me" or the "they're just angry at someone else of my type and are taking it out on me" excuse, or, following this note, the "but you're describing an unhealthy ENFJ," which unfortunately, I'm not. But I still think that you guys can get past all of that, if you really want to.
I only disliked the posts by CandylandJoe and TinyArmy. They just aren't informative and really show a lack of consideration and thought.
Hell i think that even the most unhealthy ENFJ will eat this thread up like crazy. I've always liked when people, specifically ntps, have shown me that my views are all out of proportion to what actually exists. It's a relief. Feed that Fe, minions! (I'm much better at expressing my opinion in text to "people" aka text boxes)
What wasn't informative about my post?