Mal12345
Permabanned
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2011
- Messages
- 14,532
- MBTI Type
- IxTP
- Enneagram
- 5w4
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/sp
Just for fun, it could be interesting to start doing more comparison/contrast analysis of people within a type. I've had two ESFJ mother-in-laws who were quite different from each other.
The first was a very dominant personality who would pull people in to 'volunteer' for various projects she was focused on doing. She did a lot of charitable work and tended to go over the top with any project. If she was planting a garden, it would be way too big, so the overflow of food would have to be given away. This created a lot of work for everyone around her and she tended to assume everyone would help. She was good at putting social and guilt pressure on others to join in, and fwiw, her projects were always very helpful to someone. She would look at introverts who spend time thinking as lazy, and so we came up with a little joke saying 'not lazy, just busy on the inside'. She also was good at keeping the family together, gathering everyone around for family events and holidays. She liked to recreate the Thanksgiving meal that was familiar and traditional for her. She never thought much about who I am, and I don't even really know her opinion of me, except that she tended to ignore some of my needs in favor of her son's. She also used to tell whimsical bedtime stories to her many younger siblings when she was a teenager.
My second mother-in-law is very sensitive, submissive and a little nervous, but tries to think of everything. She has some tendency to assume I am like people she has known before. She was surprised to find out I drink coffee because she saw me drinking tea and the people she knows are one or the other. She is thoughtful and sweet, but tends to be giving on her terms, and will tend to give gifts that she values but may not be useful. She gives us tons of sweets and then an article about reducing belly fat. That's specific to her, but also a bit confusing because of the inconsistency. I think she wants her gifts to be well received and who doesn't like cake, cookies, and chocolate? But then she feels guilty about it when her son starts gaining weight. She talks about her past experiences and likes everything to be pleasant, peaceful, and lovely. I don't feel like she investigates much about who I am either. It is more focused on getting the family together. She also likes whimsical comedies and silly stories.
Both stay busy keeping everything in order and both are the ones to bring family together and keep in touch. Both give off a vibe of taking care of everything and sometimes feeling overwhelmed. Both have an occasional expression of a hidden whimsy.
I also know some young ESFJs who are very cheerful, sporty, and involved in tons of activities. They are runners, take music lessons, go out with friends, are always smiling and busy. The commonalities tend to be that ESFJs are socially invested - their own identity and efforts are focused on keeping everyone together, whether that is family or friends. They can be good at delegating tasks to help coordinate everything and can do this diplomatically or forcefully. They are often busy getting everything necessary completed. They define people based on behaviors and things that they do and accomplish.
That's still a small sample set, but that's my impressions fwiw to throw into the pot of stew.
The second mother-in-law sounds like an ISFJ because of such things as focusing on the past and assuming that others will like the same things she likes. There is a lot of assuming going on specific to making sure that the present matches her past experiences. And when you talk about sensitivity, I would say ISFJ over ESFJ, not that ISFJ is the only sensitive type, but that it is more of an introverted trait.