I don't mean to sound critical. That sounds very impressive and good . However it's a bit idealistic for any parent with a four year old I'm not so sure about the viability of the advice.
Not all parents hit their children out of egotistic sadism, and not all parents hit their children out of genuine concern. No one can take that away from you.
Since we're talking about the
good parents, I mentioned once an instance where my late father hit me hard as a kid.
He had a stoic and reserved nature, but I could tell remorse in his words. Since I had an introspective nature, I could tell why he did that. I told him exactly why he did that, and he was proud. He just hugged me in silence.
Bear in mind that for my biological age, I was years ahead of many. A HSP sister of mine wouldn't have had the same great relationship with my father if I wasn't there to clarify his motives. He never laid a hand on her, but he used to criticize her in a healthy manner.
What about those children who are not as connected and socially shrewd who had good parents hitting them?
Some of them might grow hateful, some would not even believe that there is a shred of goodness in their parents, and if they are fortunate enough, only years afterwards they might realize why their parents were acting a certain way. "They knew this was bad for me, and I should've listened."
If you want to tackle the core of the good parents' behavior, hitting their children comes from frustration, impatience, a projection of what is and what is not tolerated, and it is in their minds the last resort to correct that disorederly conduct.
Hitting them is but a tool, and if it is a tool, we can find another alternative.
Now, I am a man who firmly believes that using my physical strength or status to intimidate those who are weaker than I is a sign of insercurity, lack of faith in the other, lack of understanding, and pitiful cowardliness. The aforementioned belief is extended to how I manage my family.
My brother in law is an emotionally retarded man who used to hit his daughter. When I confronted him he said "She's the devil in disguise", insinuating that she only acts like a good girl when I am around.
Later, I had my niece live with me for a long period of time on and off.
One day, I heard the orotund of something breaking in the kitchen where she was. I calmly went there, and with a smirk looked at her while she was making a guilty face, almost on the verge of crying because she would've been hit mercilessly if that scene happened at her parents'. I completely omitted any importance, and broke her state by remaining calm. I wasn't really "remaining" calm. I was just me. After all, I don't get mad at myself if I break anything. After I playfully fooled around her about her lack of sight, she asked me for a hug, and then suggested to clean up the kitchen which wasn't really necessary since I or the maid could do that. It was her way of saying thank you.
This is called Polarity reversal.
Another time, she thought she damaged the TV, so she came with a guilty face to my chambers. Upon seeing that, I whispered with a smile "What did you do?", and she whispered back "I broke the TV over there" with a confused and amused expression on her face this time. I took her hand and said "Take me to the scene of the crime", and there we went.
Upon inspection, it was actually just a minor problem in the power outlet. It fixed itself.
Her father would've hit her or guilt tripped her for toying with the TV, and she would've been too afraid to tell him in the first place.
On the other hand, she feels safe with me, and she can actually learn and adjust her behavior more effectively since she trusts me and sees me as an example of what she should be.
I took her and her classmates to shelters and they felt "so cool" for helping other people and had many stories to tell their friends.
I can joke around and tease her about her imaginary boyfriend just to see her blush. I have all her secrets, and she has become more feminine, more confident, more cheerful, she has better grades, and a better understanding of others and herself as well. She also has an amazing relationship with both of her parents now.
.
Her father was right when he insinuated before that she acts in a different way around me. We all adjust our behavior to a certain extent depending on who we are talking to. That is a fact.
It's your choice whether to inspire your children confidence, and teach them all of that you can teach them.
If anyone thinks that being a parent is about feeding your children, putting a roof over their heads, and scolding them when their behavior doesn't meet your expectations, think again.
If you believe that you are not armed to have such a relationship with your child but you still want it, then seek it. You cannot sell the bear's skin before you have killed the beast. Teach yourself first before you can teach them anything. You will stop demanding respect from your children and it will commend itself. You will stop demanding love from your children and they will love you profusely.
Hit your children if you feel unequipped for such a feat, but I will not take "spoiled" as an excuse.
That, is my philosophy.