This topic came to me when I was watching an episode of "Maron" on Netflix -- the main character was trying to get advice on how to hold in his angry outbursts, and I got to wondering how I would answer his question. And I realized that my answer to his question would probably be very different from other enneagram 1s' answers.
So, my question for fellow 1s is: Why do you hold your anger in? Why is it "wrong" for you to do so? It's a basic component of being a 1, that you be ashamed of your anger, but what exactly is the principle behind it?
Follow-up question: Presumably a big part of your answer to the above question would be "Because letting out my anger would be losing control, and I never lose control". If that is the case, where do you draw the anger line, between being in control of your anger and not being in control of your anger? How angry do you let yourself be, before it embarrasses you?
Because my entire life I was being convinced that it is wrong even as a basic concept. I was rised by mother, father and grandmother: all of them are head types. Education system was also biased towards head triad heavily. Therefore I was systematically accused and criticized for all kinds of things just by being myself, while I was getting more and more annoyed with disfunctional structures and tons of data that have no real meaning or implementation. For the sake of being good I tried to imitate head types but in the end I fell into deep alienation and detachment since without anger as a drive I am nothing.
Wrong or not: anger it is fuel.
Also since I am being from country that used to be a dictatorship all of this had implications: My parents that grew up in a dictarship were afraid that my bluntness and ideas will get me in trouble, what was realistic problem back in a day. You couldn't openly say that society is disfunctional and hope to get away with it (and that is exactly what 1s do). On the other hand before it was normal that if a person is directive of others that it probably works for secret police of something like that and you should be careful around that person. (this is why education system is/was so biased towards head triad since system didn't want to produce people who will actually DO something)
There were tons of situations when my anger was "wrong". Even if it was actually right in the bottom line.
1. Forcing my parents to change their shopping habits and money consumption. You just can't complain to my face all the time how you have money deficit/problems while on the other hand you are spending more than necessary or you buy exactly the same products/brands in more expensive shops/opportunities.
2. Opening a debate with authority since there are holes in their implementation logic. People like to feel safe behind positions and anger can bypass social convention at any time if there is a realistic possibility that the plan will go bad ... and that can easily be prevented. Someone simply has to have the courage to point it out and that is it.
3. Keeping your mouth shut around friends since you are too furious at the moment to say something nice.
4. Giving person a list of things for which you think that will benefit them if they decide to go in that direction.
5. When someone openly trolls you get the desire to strike down the person without mercy (at least verbaly). Most will then say "He was just kidding" and then you reply with "and was not amused".
6. You may make people uncomfortable by saying exactly what is on your mind and the deliberateness and certainty of your thought process is what throws people off. (and "intimidating people" is wrong) In other words you will invest energy, resources and time to prove others wrong ... and that is creepy. (but this is more of a "technical expert" tritype thing)
7. Luring a person into a trap only to prove them that they are overconfident and that they have to rethink some things. (it is the anger/frustation that said he/she has to get it straight before it is too late) People prefer this done more gently but I think that experiance can mean much more than words ... especially if words don't give any results.
8. Many would be uncomfortable with the concpet of a child that is already at the age of 5 into shooting video games and enjoys them.
9. Pushing and pushing and pushing until you get it right.
10. When you have the best test scores and you still feel frustared since not all of your answers are correct. (what can be wrong towards yourself)
Etc.
Of course 1 may not see any of this in this light but simply as the means to get everything right and as the cleaning of problems and glitches that shouldn't be there.
(all of this is probably biased towards Ni/Se axis)
I am new in the club.
