Motivation... How to Stop Holding Yourself Back?

[cascadeco]

Thank you for the suggestions hun. The thing though that I would like to clarify because sometimes I chose poor words, is that I'm not necessarily trying to get anyone where I'm at.
Just up. Either your going left, right, diagonal, oblong... I don't care. As long as in the meantime, you're going up, IF it's necessary.
I tend to do this in romantic relationships, and am now. My boyfriend (INFP) has potential, I see it. I don't know what for, because I know that's based on what he finds fit for himself.
I don't want drastic results now. He just doesn't know his worth. And I understand because I've struggled with that. I'm just a little farther on the growth train (lol) than he is in this regard..
I'm nice about it. I don't force the subject, as he will agree when I bring it up. If I notice he seems uncomfortable, I'll change the subject. (Talking about him realizing what he can do, and about taking steps.)
I just feel like all these little nudges with no work put forth is going to make me explode one day if nothing changes.

Ok, in that case, it does sound like what kyuuei suggested, that you are drawn to people who need help and aren't as 'far along' as you, as you like being in that role, it might make you feel better about yourself, thus you get something out of it. If you're really wanting to get out of this pattern, I'd look at whether now's the time to be in a relationship, and your motives for being in it. I agree with others that addressing yourself is probably what you should be doing -- as the act of always addressing other people means you're never addressing yourself, which means YOU in effect aren't necessarily growing or meeting YOUR potential. Anyway, good luck

 

[violet_crown]

I would like to hear some thoughts and suggestions.

 

[the state i am in]

Ok, in that case, it does sound like what kyuuei suggested, that you are drawn to people who need help and aren't as 'far along' as you, as you like being in that role, it might make you feel better about yourself, thus you get something out of it. If you're really wanting to get out of this pattern, I'd look at whether now's the time to be in a relationship, and your motives for being in it. I agree with others that addressing yourself is probably what you should be doing -- as the act of always addressing other people means you're never addressing yourself, which means YOU in effect aren't necessarily growing or meeting YOUR potential.

this is really good.

******

for me, i think there's also a real desire to have the understanding i've worked so hard on to be worth something. i think that's this j extremism that can kind of unhinged from the world of others--that knowing the best prediction and having a really functional model of something replaces the reality of the experience as it actually is for myself and others. like, this difference between understanding something on some level and truly realizing it, when you're truly following what is actually happening, with a sense of actually being there.

i definitely connect with kyuuei's advice about not talking about it, not choosing the lazy fake rewards, and making sure to channel my energies into those actual choices, so that i can really be with the entire process of them, so that there is something to actually appreciate and not just enjoy. bc when i solely choose the latter, i'm borrowing against that which i want most of all, choosing the fake idea of over the reality of it again and again.

i also think, too, greater awareness to this can show me the disconnect between my ideas of what i value and what my actual needs are, in the moment. it's only an awareness of actual needs, of deeper needs, that allows us to truly appreciate caring for ourselves in a way that is much more real than just being good or bad and receiving the credit we think we deserve as a result of that, and that, as a result, doesn't stunt our process with all these moments of artificial bloat and unfocused, unaccountable internalizations.