No really, with men I never had that much problems and even if there are any it was easy to split up or make a deal ... or go violent if they obvously don't answer to anyone. While with women in general you have to play the "emotion card" on some way. Even if you don't feel like it or you don't know how.
However I have become apathic to the whole "women" thing due to experiences that were just pilling up on each other .
Also what most people see as unplesant I often just skip with direct question, since I have seen all kind of things in life and that made me very thick skinned. Almost 10 yeas ago I made a classification of scenarios of how human history will finnish, so for me the big picture and outcomes is defined. Therefore I may not get excited over things that I see as "minor problems" ... what women tend to take personally.
The problem is why would I deal with someone that creates me problems in life or someone who is self-destructive ? However since I grew up physically detached from women I never manage to learn how to deal with women. While on the other hand I wasn't able to find someone who was right for me ... plus I had tons of life problems besides that. Over years I got somewhat better with this and now I have to engage for real ... it is just that this often strikes me as masochism on my part.
However I have to find a way to cover up what is cleary the biggest hole in my life. If anything since life without women is cold and pointless for the most part.
Yes. It is mascochism! I mean, learning is painful. That's the thing. If you're putting yourself out there, it's painful.
I want to tell you about my life a little. If you don't mind.
I came from a violent background. Had a less favorable view of men because of this. But, like yourself, my experiences with males, shaped my overall view of them. It was...not positive.
Yet, at the same time, I vowed that I would never repeat or be with a male who was controlling or jealous, possessive or violent. All those qualities I saw growing up.
This is similar to your desire to avoid women who are overly emotional, neurotic, yes?
Moving on...
What was interesting is that everyone I dated ended up being this sort of man. Maybe not physically violent but same guy. Controlling, manipulative, verbally insulting me.
So, I asked myself: Why? Why did I tend to attract men who I *know* I didn't want? This was happening over and over, even when I was aware of what I didn't want in a man.
It was making me see men as all bad. As there was no good ones. Ok?
I went to see a counselor. I recommend you do the same.
I was hardened like yourself. War, death, violence, all these things desensitize us to ourselves and others.
I didn't want to be weak. I wanted to be seen as strong and my view of what "strong" was - was WRONG. It was fucked.
I viewed showing emotion as weakness and any man who showed these characteristics? I would not give the time of day. So I ended up with men who showed "strength" in my eyes. But my eyes were broken.
I was looking for the outward signs of strength and not looking at where that was coming from.
Most of what strength is, in a man, is insecurity..... UNLESS there is a balance of traits.....UNLESS you can see a man GIVE and TAKE.
A man who is very strong and mature in his masculinity will know how to utilize the tools he has. He will be able to be delicate when called for. Know when to put pressure on. He will not be one note.
This took me a while seeing a counselor to CHANGE MY VIEW of what masculinity encompasses.
So...what happened? I started dating people that were not abusive, were not controlling. I met men, who didn't have that issue. Why? Because I changed my priorities and re-defined the principles I had internalized.
So....what does that mean to you?
From what I see? You have the same issue, but opposite problem.
You need to see someone and re-define what feminity is to you. What a "good" woman is. You know it! You CANT IDENTIFY IT in real world because your own definition/criteria is fucked. It's wrong. That is a big problem and it's hard to see!!
It isn't someone who is going to keep the same patterns repeating in your life. You can change it but it's hard and it feels masochistic. True.
I didn't overnight stop being attracted to asshats. BUT I recognized them faster and moved on with confidence.
If you don't change this, you will keep finding same thing over and over again.