It depends on how mad I am and at whom. I have to really be pushed to get really angry, but if I have an actual problem with someone I tell them as soon as possible, and I try to be direct and civil about it. I don't like conflict, but I don't mind honest discussion at all. I don't even mind things getting a little heated. I just don't like the threat of people overreacting. I do have a little trouble knowing whether things actually bother me or if I am just being annoyed for no good reason, and so it usually takes me some time thinking about an incident and talking to other people to decide it was in fact inappropriate- and then I tell them about it (if I'm not immediately angry). So that could be construed as passive aggressive, but it really isn't.
I tend to view conflict as a problem to be solved, so from my perspective it isn't something to get emotional about- but I project all kinds of things onto other people and just expect them to overreact- so that's why it scares me. I get emotional when I feel the other person is not willing to solve the problem.
My ENFP sister seems to not have a problem being assertive.
*disclaimer: I may not be NF.*
I see you're still going back and forth, as you've since put an NT type back.
Well, you sound a lot like me, and it's not from NF.
Conflict behavior is shaped by both temperament and Interaction Style. But in slightly different ways. Both (patterned after classic temperament) can be defined in terms of "expressiveness" and "responsiveness". Conflict will be more heated with
high expressiveness and/or
low responsiveness. The classic temperament that fits both poles is the Choleric.
Now, Keirsey said the NF was the Choleric based simply on them being "emotional". But when I saw that it was a very peace-loving, conflict avoidant temperament, I knew something was wrong with that.
I eventually figured that "expressiveness" in his theory is represented by cooperative/pragmatic, and responsiveness is in a dimension Berens added to his theory; structure/motive. NF is cooperative (reserved) and motive-focused ("responsive" or people-focused). This combination (basically, more passive, and yielding to others) will be very conflict avoidant. However, in my matching it to a new addition to classic temperament, called Supine, that temperament is described as needing affirmation, and when not getting it, they feel used, and may react, possibly violently. This (a more reactive role in conflict) fits what people are saying here. (NF could also be Phlegmatic, which will be less passive and yielding, and more stubborn when pushed, but otherwise is more "diplomatic", which is the "skills set" Keirsey matched NF to).
Then, there's Interaction Style, which will affect this as well, particularly in terms of how quick a person is to react (despite the Keirseyan or "conative" temperament). Extroverts (expressive) will have quick, often hot reactions. Directive/informative, as the "responsiveness" factor, will determine how long they hold onto it, based on whether they are people or task focused in that area. Get Things Going (Sanguine) will have a hot temper, but will blow over it quicker. In Charge (Choleric) already has a tighter criteria for responding to others so may hold a conflict against others for longer.
The introverted counterparts to these will simply be slower to react, however, the responsiveness effect will be the same.
So an INFJ, for instance, will be reserved in both areas (social, conative), and task focused socially, yet people focused conatively. They will be slow to conflict, but if you really step on their toes too much in the area of direct interaction, they can be nasty, and won't care. (Hence, the infamous "door slam"). They don't need you in particular, on a social level; they only need a few they already care about (to wit, [MENTION=5159]Lexicon[/MENTION]'s statement, end of first quoting response, post 26).
ENFP will have a hot temper, but otherwise, people-focused in both areas, as well as reserved in the conative area. so they may look quick in conflict (I see one who says they thrive on it), but really don't hold onto it.
I on the other hand (and likely Greenfairy) are Supine ("Behind the Scenes") in the social area (which makes us seem like Feelers, a bit), so I'm also conflict avoidant on a direct social interaction level, but love a good debate, especially if it's something I'm already annoyed about (like politics). Then, with the "pragmatism" of the conative temperament, I can even become aggressive, and the structure focus makes me not want to yield to anything that doesn't fit an abstract structure (idea, etc) of my own choosing.
So NTP and NFJ will a have a similar mix of conflict avoidance (as well as any E/I in different type groups).