euphoricfilth
New member
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2021
- Messages
- 2
- MBTI Type
- ENFJ
- Enneagram
- 4w3
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/so
Hello, I have completed RadicalDoubt's type questionnaire and I'm curious for feedback. I tend to talk in depth about myself when I get the chance, so there's a lot to work with. Fair warning, I do mention some NSFW shit throughout, as that's just a facet of life and a major part of mine. You're welcome to give input on MBTI, Enneagram, and Socionics, and any other wacky shit you've got. I cut out a lot of questions at the end since I already wrote so much, and they felt redundant given that. Thanks in advance for your input.
1) Context:
a) What is your age range and general location
21, East Coast USA
b) Which types are you currently considering? Why are you considering them and why haven’t you decided on one?
I'd rather not bias anyone by saying. However, I do have an idea of my type. I just had a large retype recently and I'm double checking to be more confident.
2) What do you deem as your purpose in life?
To create art and experiences which bring people to a higher consciousness and intimate connection to self and life. My major ambition is to become the lead singer for a hardcore band, where I can bring new ideas to the genre and help move it into a new rennaissance. Beyond that, I want to explore many other kinds of performance, including erotic. I want to use any platform I gain to instigate positive social change. I want to be an icon.
In a more general sense, I feel my entire purpose in life lies in my connections to other people. Life is most vibrant for me when I am with people in a meaningful way. I want to bring people together and create chemical reactions. It is natural for me to try and help others in their personal journies, especially when it concerns helping people explore their boundaries, bodies, sexualities, and emotional space. I want to heal and transform people on an intimate level, and to have a resonant impact on my communities.
3) Of the seven deadly sins, which one(s) do you relate to the most and the least and why?
Envy. I am full of it. Hateful, bitter, clawing envy. I cannot stand seeing people effortlessly get things I struggle to attain. It feels like I cannot ever reach the baseline everyone around me naturally achieves. Envy makes me want to take from people, to cut the tendons in their legs so they are forced to kneel while I stand tall. I do not know how to stop thinking about the things I cannot have. It eats me alive. It spins into a voracious hunger, and a torrent of rage. The unfairness of life weighs heavy on me.
4) Analyzing your relationships with others, briefly describe:
a) The type of people you are drawn to
People who are both ambitious and purposeful, and who are capable of true vulnerability. I am greatly inspired by wilful people who persevere through hardship and continue to find meaning in a harsh existence. I need the people I'm around to keep pace with me, as I live at a high speed and want to achieve big things. Yet, I am also sensitive to who is and isn't capable of true vulnerability. I want people to cry in front of me, and I need to know I can cry in front of other people without being judged, harmed, or misconstrued.
b) The type of people who are drawn to you
Wounded people seeking caring attention I am happy to give, to a point. Anxious and dependent people who see an anchor in my powerful presence and firm speech. Saviors lured in by the aura of neediness and desperation I can't seem to shake. Other genderfucked, off-kilter, neurodivergent and personality disordered disasterpieces, 'cause real recognize real. People close to me keep pointing out lately how much I radiate "my life is full of problems and I am in pain." It draws a certain clientelle.
c) The type of people you are repulsed by
Those incapable of tenderness. They have nothing for me. I cannot connect with people who make no effort to explore their vulnerability and connect with others on a heart level. People who punish others for opening up, for being needy, or for being less able than themselves are the ones I most despise. I am deeply pained by the cruelty of humanity and I grapple with how hateful it makes me in return.
5)What are the traits in others that you admire but you cannot emulate yourself? Elaborate.
I admire those who can devote a great amount of time to mastering a skill in solitude. While I can develop the amount of focus, passion, and consistency required for mastery, I will never have the capacity to be alone for large amounts of time focusing on something technical. I feel very uncomfortable working on inhuman, inanimate subjects for too long, and I struggle to exist without constant social engagement of some kind.
6) Describe your relationship with the following:
a) Anger
Frustration, hatred, and rage characterize my most outwardly destructive emotions. I struggle a lot with severe anger issues, whether I am taking it out on another person, myself, or whatever object is within reach. My anger can lead me to do things I later feel deeply ashamed of. There will be a pervasive theme of anger through this whole questionnaire.
b) Shame
I feel a great deal of shame for who I am, which I am constantly working through. Every single day I gnaw at the roots of my shame, releasing it one layer at a time through deep inner concentration, meditation, heightened states, and other transformative experiences. Sloughing off another layer of shame, and coming to love my true identity piece by piece, is the most freeing and redeeming process in my life. I want to help others become free of shame.
c) Fear
Afraid is something I don't know how to "be." As in, I have no real strategies for using fear, living within it, or directly listening to it. My natural reaction to feeling anxious is to drown it out and pretend I feel perfectly fine with what is happening. This forces me to bounce from one source of stimulation and activity to the next, ironically making me terrified of being alone with my thoughts more than anything else. I wish I could relax and spend quiet time alone without feeling creeping dread.
d) Love/passion
This is the source of my greatest highs and lows. I am so passionate about love and sex that it tears me apart more than anything else. My infatuations with people can be so unbearably strong, leading to a string of dangerous and disastrous short-lived-but-extremely-intense-fling-type-situations throughout my adolescent and adult life. I struggle with feeling there's any point in my life when I am not experiencing sexual energy and powerful love.
I want to note, I am polyamorous and incredibly sexually open. Exclusivity in love is not my thing. I want to melt into the warm embrace of many lovers. This makes it all the more painful when I have nobody to explore sex and love with, as I feel I have so much affection pent up in me for so many people. I've spent most of this past year alone because of covid, and it has brought me to the height of desperation. Addictions, risk-taking behavior, and perpetual conflict arise to fill the void.
e) Conflict
Admittedly, I tend to seek out conflict when I am bored or irritated by something in my life. It's an easy release of aggressive energy for me, and a way to generate emotional excitement if I'm feeling too numb or intimately dissatisfied.
My goal in conflict is generally to get the other person to acknowledge how they have hurt me, and to make them feel bad about what they've done. I hold grudges for years and feel entitled to my anger at people if they have mistreated me. While I know letting things go is healthy, I hate the thought of moving on without getting even. Desires for revenge can consume me for long periods of time.
In less personal conflicts, though, I can actually be quite levelheaded and reach compromises or firmly stand my ground. People sometimes ask me to back them up, or fight their battles for them, because I know how to navigate conflict and stand up to intimidating people. My friends joke that I'm their "guard dog" because, while I'm the most hostile person in our circle, I use it to scare off even worse people.
7) What are some of the themes that have played a prominent role in your life (ie. A struggle you’ve been unable to conquer, ect)?
My extreme instability around relationships. If you can't tell, given everything I've said, I have BPD. I'm extremely sensitive to rejection and I experience immense terror and shame around dating. It's hard for me to not constantly anticipate rejection, and even harder to control my emotional reactions when it happens. This is very ironic and all, considering my greatest source of meaning in life is intimte connection with other people.
Another strong theme is identity issues and uncertainty around my self. I continue to go through massive changes as a person, swinging very hard in different directions as I attempt to figure out who I am. It's extremely disorienting and I'm left feeling deeply ashamed that I cannot establish a solid identity like other people can. I am always analyzing myself and sometimes I get paralyzed by self-consciousness. Every so often I "wake up" and realize I was pretending to be someone I'm not, and then I have to rebuild my self-concept from the ground up.
13) How do you usually “hang out†with your friend(s)? When answering, think about what activities you tend to choose, whether you hang out with one person at once or many, whether or not you initiate the interaction.
The main ways I relate to people are through emotional bonding, sexuality, or as a social instigator and figurehead.
I spend a lot of time processing feelings and personal experiences with close friends, as I need to get my emotions out on a daily basis. Dialogue which leads to mutual understanding and self-insight is very satisfying for me.
Sexual bonding is often *how* I get closer to people, fast tracking us to a more intimate and vulnerable space. I am also a huge exhibitionist and I love to publicly celebrate pleasure and the human body. Before covid I went to a lot of BDSM parties.
And finally, I have always been one to step up to leadership roles in my communities. People come to me for advice and knowledge a lot, and for someone to talk to about their problems. It's easy for me to show a wide range of people meaningful and personalized attention. I will regularly walk people down lines of questioning to help them gain insight into their personal problems and emotions. While doing this, I am always looking for "openings" where I can get people to internalize positive messages about themselves and a hopeful attitude towards their future.
1) Context:
a) What is your age range and general location
21, East Coast USA
b) Which types are you currently considering? Why are you considering them and why haven’t you decided on one?
I'd rather not bias anyone by saying. However, I do have an idea of my type. I just had a large retype recently and I'm double checking to be more confident.
2) What do you deem as your purpose in life?
To create art and experiences which bring people to a higher consciousness and intimate connection to self and life. My major ambition is to become the lead singer for a hardcore band, where I can bring new ideas to the genre and help move it into a new rennaissance. Beyond that, I want to explore many other kinds of performance, including erotic. I want to use any platform I gain to instigate positive social change. I want to be an icon.
In a more general sense, I feel my entire purpose in life lies in my connections to other people. Life is most vibrant for me when I am with people in a meaningful way. I want to bring people together and create chemical reactions. It is natural for me to try and help others in their personal journies, especially when it concerns helping people explore their boundaries, bodies, sexualities, and emotional space. I want to heal and transform people on an intimate level, and to have a resonant impact on my communities.
3) Of the seven deadly sins, which one(s) do you relate to the most and the least and why?
Envy. I am full of it. Hateful, bitter, clawing envy. I cannot stand seeing people effortlessly get things I struggle to attain. It feels like I cannot ever reach the baseline everyone around me naturally achieves. Envy makes me want to take from people, to cut the tendons in their legs so they are forced to kneel while I stand tall. I do not know how to stop thinking about the things I cannot have. It eats me alive. It spins into a voracious hunger, and a torrent of rage. The unfairness of life weighs heavy on me.
4) Analyzing your relationships with others, briefly describe:
a) The type of people you are drawn to
People who are both ambitious and purposeful, and who are capable of true vulnerability. I am greatly inspired by wilful people who persevere through hardship and continue to find meaning in a harsh existence. I need the people I'm around to keep pace with me, as I live at a high speed and want to achieve big things. Yet, I am also sensitive to who is and isn't capable of true vulnerability. I want people to cry in front of me, and I need to know I can cry in front of other people without being judged, harmed, or misconstrued.
b) The type of people who are drawn to you
Wounded people seeking caring attention I am happy to give, to a point. Anxious and dependent people who see an anchor in my powerful presence and firm speech. Saviors lured in by the aura of neediness and desperation I can't seem to shake. Other genderfucked, off-kilter, neurodivergent and personality disordered disasterpieces, 'cause real recognize real. People close to me keep pointing out lately how much I radiate "my life is full of problems and I am in pain." It draws a certain clientelle.
c) The type of people you are repulsed by
Those incapable of tenderness. They have nothing for me. I cannot connect with people who make no effort to explore their vulnerability and connect with others on a heart level. People who punish others for opening up, for being needy, or for being less able than themselves are the ones I most despise. I am deeply pained by the cruelty of humanity and I grapple with how hateful it makes me in return.
5)What are the traits in others that you admire but you cannot emulate yourself? Elaborate.
I admire those who can devote a great amount of time to mastering a skill in solitude. While I can develop the amount of focus, passion, and consistency required for mastery, I will never have the capacity to be alone for large amounts of time focusing on something technical. I feel very uncomfortable working on inhuman, inanimate subjects for too long, and I struggle to exist without constant social engagement of some kind.
6) Describe your relationship with the following:
a) Anger
Frustration, hatred, and rage characterize my most outwardly destructive emotions. I struggle a lot with severe anger issues, whether I am taking it out on another person, myself, or whatever object is within reach. My anger can lead me to do things I later feel deeply ashamed of. There will be a pervasive theme of anger through this whole questionnaire.
b) Shame
I feel a great deal of shame for who I am, which I am constantly working through. Every single day I gnaw at the roots of my shame, releasing it one layer at a time through deep inner concentration, meditation, heightened states, and other transformative experiences. Sloughing off another layer of shame, and coming to love my true identity piece by piece, is the most freeing and redeeming process in my life. I want to help others become free of shame.
c) Fear
Afraid is something I don't know how to "be." As in, I have no real strategies for using fear, living within it, or directly listening to it. My natural reaction to feeling anxious is to drown it out and pretend I feel perfectly fine with what is happening. This forces me to bounce from one source of stimulation and activity to the next, ironically making me terrified of being alone with my thoughts more than anything else. I wish I could relax and spend quiet time alone without feeling creeping dread.
d) Love/passion
This is the source of my greatest highs and lows. I am so passionate about love and sex that it tears me apart more than anything else. My infatuations with people can be so unbearably strong, leading to a string of dangerous and disastrous short-lived-but-extremely-intense-fling-type-situations throughout my adolescent and adult life. I struggle with feeling there's any point in my life when I am not experiencing sexual energy and powerful love.
I want to note, I am polyamorous and incredibly sexually open. Exclusivity in love is not my thing. I want to melt into the warm embrace of many lovers. This makes it all the more painful when I have nobody to explore sex and love with, as I feel I have so much affection pent up in me for so many people. I've spent most of this past year alone because of covid, and it has brought me to the height of desperation. Addictions, risk-taking behavior, and perpetual conflict arise to fill the void.
e) Conflict
Admittedly, I tend to seek out conflict when I am bored or irritated by something in my life. It's an easy release of aggressive energy for me, and a way to generate emotional excitement if I'm feeling too numb or intimately dissatisfied.
My goal in conflict is generally to get the other person to acknowledge how they have hurt me, and to make them feel bad about what they've done. I hold grudges for years and feel entitled to my anger at people if they have mistreated me. While I know letting things go is healthy, I hate the thought of moving on without getting even. Desires for revenge can consume me for long periods of time.
In less personal conflicts, though, I can actually be quite levelheaded and reach compromises or firmly stand my ground. People sometimes ask me to back them up, or fight their battles for them, because I know how to navigate conflict and stand up to intimidating people. My friends joke that I'm their "guard dog" because, while I'm the most hostile person in our circle, I use it to scare off even worse people.
7) What are some of the themes that have played a prominent role in your life (ie. A struggle you’ve been unable to conquer, ect)?
My extreme instability around relationships. If you can't tell, given everything I've said, I have BPD. I'm extremely sensitive to rejection and I experience immense terror and shame around dating. It's hard for me to not constantly anticipate rejection, and even harder to control my emotional reactions when it happens. This is very ironic and all, considering my greatest source of meaning in life is intimte connection with other people.
Another strong theme is identity issues and uncertainty around my self. I continue to go through massive changes as a person, swinging very hard in different directions as I attempt to figure out who I am. It's extremely disorienting and I'm left feeling deeply ashamed that I cannot establish a solid identity like other people can. I am always analyzing myself and sometimes I get paralyzed by self-consciousness. Every so often I "wake up" and realize I was pretending to be someone I'm not, and then I have to rebuild my self-concept from the ground up.
13) How do you usually “hang out†with your friend(s)? When answering, think about what activities you tend to choose, whether you hang out with one person at once or many, whether or not you initiate the interaction.
The main ways I relate to people are through emotional bonding, sexuality, or as a social instigator and figurehead.
I spend a lot of time processing feelings and personal experiences with close friends, as I need to get my emotions out on a daily basis. Dialogue which leads to mutual understanding and self-insight is very satisfying for me.
Sexual bonding is often *how* I get closer to people, fast tracking us to a more intimate and vulnerable space. I am also a huge exhibitionist and I love to publicly celebrate pleasure and the human body. Before covid I went to a lot of BDSM parties.
And finally, I have always been one to step up to leadership roles in my communities. People come to me for advice and knowledge a lot, and for someone to talk to about their problems. It's easy for me to show a wide range of people meaningful and personalized attention. I will regularly walk people down lines of questioning to help them gain insight into their personal problems and emotions. While doing this, I am always looking for "openings" where I can get people to internalize positive messages about themselves and a hopeful attitude towards their future.
