I can totally relate. Changing fields, is absolutely something worth mentioning.. When we go through transitional phases in our lives (career or major life changes- death in a family, death of a relationship- ex bf/gf or gf/gf..yada yada), we won't necessarily be our best selves all the time. During this period, things seem a bit unclear.. it's natural. I firmly believe that attitudes & behaviors change according to situations, hence, the transition phases; personalities, at core, do not.
I also grew up in a household where emotions weren't expressed that well either. Mom was (still is) an F, but wasn't the type who was 'motherly' lovey, dovey, "coo" type. Not at all. To others she was though.. It was ALL tough love for me.
(I take back what I mentioned earlier.. somewhat). We can trust those we're closest to... Here's the big
"B" word- BUT if they
're our guardians (parents, caretakers), be careful with their descriptions about us. Often times, I find that parents *try* to shape and mold us into something *they* want us to be (to fulfill
*their* dreams), rather than let us be who we really are at heart. (That's a form of DISRESPECT). Other times, some parents are clueless. Some don't even know how to read their
own kids! For the fortunate ones, the ones with well-attuned parents who give unconditional love- I would trust their responses a bit more.
One thing I find that helps is to ask:
1. When was the time that I was my MOST happiest self? (True and untouched)
2. How was it like? Which temperamental pattens did I most prefer?
3. How did I interact with other children?? What were some of my favorite topics in class? What moved me? What moved others about me? (So many me's, I know- it's Silly).
4. What books did I read? What attracted me to them? Why?
5. Who were my inspirational figures? What were their personalties like?? How would I type them??
A lot of the times, we admire role-models who exhibit personalities similar to ours.
(Btw, - I don't think all kids are ENFPs. Clearly, there are some kids who are naturally more introverted than others- they're happy with it- And, the misconception people have about kids always bouncing off walls, hyperly happy isn't true. Some kids weren't as excited as children, but that made them happy. In their own eyes, they made sense of the world differently. That's who they are).
Like you, I went through a phase where I was confused about who I was prior to finding out about myself.. why I didn't 'fit in,' why nothing around me made sense. It was mostly due to growing up in a predominantly ESTJ household that caused my confusion.. being told I wasn't 'good enough' that I needed to be more demure, less wearing my heart on my sleeves. First time I found out my scores (my career counselor had me take the test/assessment), I never felt SO RELIEVED my entire life! My ENFP results made sense to me (and to him).. It was clear as day! That's when I was able to wake up and walk away from the negative environment that kept me emotionally imprisoned during those years.
Other times, I felt uncertain about myself, because I was still in the 'break away' phase that left me uneasy. I hope I'm understanding the situation correctly, because
I definitely knew how it once felt!
Separate yourself from the environment for now.. Dissociate any influencing factors. Take a break from everything. Think about the time when you felt at most PEACE with yourself, what made most sense. Listen to your heart. That doesn't mean, we're choosing preference over T or F. When I say that, I mean
physically see how your body responds when you really listen to that inner kid inside you and ask, "Who am I,
Truly??" when asking the questions above. Once the conclusions are clearer, the answer should feel right, physiologically. No hesitations. No tight feelings in your chest. Think of it as a form meditation (I don't know how to meditate... I assume) that by doing so, it's like relaxation that helps you to really 'center' yourself (corny, but true, haha).
Noigmn, I really do think you're truly an ENFP.. but then again, it's really hard to get a 'complete' read through text/the internet. I know I have friends who I know I wouldn't be friends with if I based their personalities through our e-mail conversations. I think ultimately, the only person who knows the answer is the person buried deep within. Caffeine high.. Sorry so long. I had tons of green tea today that I'm still super wide awake! It's killing me.. Ok, I'll stop now..