Enfp dating a Estp and an Istp

[Abcdenfp]

Are you happy casually dating him? If so, keep at it but I wouldn't expect a show of vulnerability too soon that's all. I don't know the exact nature of your relationship, but if you're seeing others (he may be too)...like, I would never express a whole lot of emotional sentiment toward that person, even if I felt it. Just think about that....what purpose would that go toward?

I would have liked to date him exclusively. However I just don't think STP's are for me, I need to discuss more abstract concepts and ideas and I need verbal affirmations.
I am really in process of letting them both go.

 

[1487610420]

Are you happy casually dating him? If so, keep at it but I wouldn't expect a show of vulnerability too soon that's all. I don't know the exact nature of your relationship, but if you're seeing others (he may be too)...like, I would never express a whole lot of emotional sentiment toward that person, even if I felt it. Just think about that....what purpose would that go toward?

a warped mating process?

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I would have liked to date him exclusively. However I just don't think STP's are for me, I need to discuss more abstract concepts and ideas and I need verbal affirmations.
I am really in process of letting them both go.

Ok. Well, even if you got the exclusivity of a relationship, these issues wouldn't disappear or change on the level you may need it. Not a bad idea to put effort into finding someone who gives you what you want with much less efforts expended. Good luck.

 

[EcK]

Actually the original purpose of this thread was to highlight the difference between the ESTP and the ISTP that I am with their consent and understanding dating both.

it was not to discuss the ethics of dating two men casually. Which from your comments I am getting the feeling you think it's unethical.

No, I highlighted the situations where I think it would be unethical, which are pretty low / universal standards - all in response to your own misinterpretation of my post. so - on topic. as you set that topic.

wild guess here but I'm assuming yhou didn't answer that because you know you don't really have the moral high ground here. But hey , Could be wrong, of course. Not that I care in any case.

 

[Abcdenfp]

No, I highlighted the situations where I think it would be unethical, which are pretty low / universal standards - all in response to your own misinterpretation of my post. so - on topic. as you set that topic. wild guess here but I'm assuming yhou didn't answer that because you know you don't really have the moral high ground here. But hey , Could be wrong, of course. Not that I care in any case.

I am pretty sure I did answer you on what the relationship status is.
What exactly are the highlighted situations and I will answer them no problem. if you want me to answer hypothetical questions on morality I will need more "meat to the bone".
Are you suggesting I am immoral based on the fact that I have an casual but honest and consentual relationship with two men?
Im looking or clarity on what exactly you are implying.

 

[EcK]

Im looking or clarity on what exactly you are implying

Hey,
Not implying anything. I don't actually care what you do with your time as I do not know you. I neither dislike nor like you, as I simply don't know the first thing about you.

Are you suggesting I am immoral based on the fact that I have an casual but honest and consentual relationship with two men? .

Of course your relationship is consensual, i never said you were raping these men wtf.

I am pretty sure I did answer you on what the relationship status is.
What exactly are the highlighted situations and I will answer them no problem. if you want me to answer hypothetical questions on morality I will need more "meat to the bone".

My only question, as to understand the situation better, was whether these guys were aware of and okey with the fact you were sharing you affections & physical intimacy. That's all. It's a pretty straight forward thing, I think.

My personal reason for asking this is not due to some moral high ground - as again, i really don't care - but to know whether I should expend my time talking about 'step 2' (choosing a partner) with a stranger if I believe step 1 has not been achieved (basic 'golden rule' type ethical core). It doesn't concern you as much as it concerns my willingness to give input. Not out of some absurd prudish reaction, but as not to skip steps.

Does that clarify things for you ?

 

[Poki]

Sounds right. I have a estp friend who says I'm a female version of him. Maybe he's a male version of me. Who knows. But there is similarity when it comes down to it. But my phone doesn't ring as much, nor would I want it to and estps like a certain kind of drama. Make no mistake. Good luck. Have fun.

Yeah, i have alot of similarities to an ESTP, just more introverted. Deeper, more refined values and understanding. It is crazy though, why i consider myself an introverted ESTP.

To the OP, i have no issues cuddling, talking, sharing with the other person. new type of ISTP maybe. Dating an ENFP and we are pretty much best friends as well as romantic, chemistry, etc. Slow the ESTP down and thats an ISTP.

 

[Poki]

I would have liked to date him exclusively. However I just don't think STP's are for me, I need to discuss more abstract concepts and ideas and I need verbal affirmations. I am really in process of letting them both go.

Abstract concepts...lmao. ENFP need i idea overload and a partner that can pick, choose, and help them align them with the world. Else they end up with all the ducks in the pond, but completely scattered and disorganized. Shooting themselvs in the foot to save the arm because they know how to replace the foot. Now if i can just find that metal rod, i know i put it somewhere.

Just a guess, your ISTPs dom Si intrigues your inferior Si it wont work for the best, the mental processes of the types involved do not mesh in the way either of you really want. Your ENFP, your ability to connect is NOT the best way to judge a relationship...your a people person based on "new and different". Your deeper emotional side is being blocked and will not fully reach where it needs to be until said ISTP reaches 40s or 50s. Thats when his Fi will really kick in the way you want. Fi is a deeper function and needs to be engaged as opposed to the attempt at Te to organize and structure your external world with inferior Si. Figure out what you really want, experince, learn and move on if your Fi is NOT highly satisfied. Your coming on here is a huge indicator you need to keep searching. Ignore MBTI functions and look at your own Fi understanding of a person. It will get you farther then external organizational structure that ENFPs dont really care about in thebgrand scale of things nor are they best of sficking with it due to...ohh...look...something else to learn and experience.

Just mixing a little Ni with Ti here, take as you will.

Ooops...i forgot, we suck at abstract ideas...ignore the abstraction above

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

[MENTION=12103]Poki[/MENTION] I definitely agree that istps/enfps under 30-ish probably isn't going to match up well.. Not without a lot of trials and tribulations in that relationship . I couldn't imagine being with my NFP now when I was in my 20s it just wouldn't happen we would not be together. I wouldn't have the patience to try to understand him and he would definitely not have the patience to understand me. I would be inadvertently stepping all over his thoughts/values without even knowing it and if I got called out for it I would double down.

 

[Abcdenfp]

Abstract concepts...lmao. ENFP need i idea overload and a partner that can pick, choose, and help them align them with the world. Else they end up with all the ducks in the pond, but completely scattered and disorganized. Shooting themselvs in the foot to save the arm because they know how to replace the foot. Now if i can just find that metal rod, i know i put it somewhere.

Yeah, i have alot of similarities to an ESTP, just more introverted. Deeper, more refined values and understanding. It is crazy though, why i consider myself an introverted ESTP. To the OP, i have no issues cuddling, talking, sharing with the other person. new type of ISTP maybe. Dating an ENFP and we are pretty much best friends as well as romantic, chemistry, etc. Slow the ESTP down and thats an ISTP.

I have realized that I liked the slowed down version, and I totally agree with the needing a partner that an align the thoughts and ideas. I was pondering that last night, maybe a ISTJ?. I know I need someone to Bring some calm and that's what really drew me to the ISTP. I would get hyper about something usually a task that was technical and he would bring calm and practical solutions even the way he moved was so purposeful and composed. The only time he was really uninhibited was when we were physical and I liked to watch the switch of gears. It was always like Fire meet gasoline.

 

[Abcdenfp]

Abstract concepts...lmao. ENFP need i idea overload and a partner that can pick, choose, and help them align them with the world. Else they end up with all the ducks in the pond, but completely scattered and disorganized. Shooting themselvs in the foot to save the arm because they know how to replace the foot. Now if i can just find that metal rod, i know i put it somewhere. Just a guess, your ISTPs dom Si intrigues your inferior Si it wont work for the best, the mental processes of the types involved do not mesh in the way either of you really want. Your ENFP, your ability to connect is NOT the best way to judge a relationship...your a people person based on "new and different". Your deeper emotional side is being blocked and will not fully reach where it needs to be until said ISTP reaches 40s or 50s. Thats when his Fi will really kick in the way you want. Fi is a deeper function and needs to be engaged as opposed to the attempt at Te to organize and structure your external world with inferior Si. Figure out what you really want, experince, learn and move on if your Fi is NOT highly satisfied. Your coming on here is a huge indicator you need to keep searching. Ignore MBTI functions and look at your own Fi understanding of a person. It will get you farther then external organizational structure that ENFPs dont really care about in thebgrand scale of things nor are they best of sficking with it due to...ohh...look...something else to learn and experience. Just mixing a little Ni with Ti here, take as you will. Ooops...i forgot, we suck at abstract ideas...ignore the abstraction above

But I don't fully understand my FI. I feel like the ISTP really helped me to understand that I have more work to do on understanding myself and the way I function.

 

[Poki]

[MENTION=12103]Poki[/MENTION] I definitely agree that istps/enfps under 30-ish probably isn't going to match up well.. Not without a lot of trials and tribulations in that relationship . I couldn't imagine being with my NFP now when I was in my 20s it just wouldn't happen we would not be together. I wouldn't have the patience to try to understand him and he wouldn't definitely not have the patience to understand me I would be inadvertently stepping all over his thoughts/values without even knowing it and if I got called out for it I would double down.

I think there is some trial and tribulation at the begining of having to shake of the external world and its affects on you before you can really adjust to each other. Merging as a more unified source, but different enough to where you stay completely different which allows growth. Complete different functions leads one to have a different nature, but nurture is what becomes one.

 

[Poki]

I have realized that I liked the slowed down version, and I totally agree with the needing a partner that an align the thoughts and ideas. I was pondering that last night, maybe a ISTJ?. I know I need someone to Bring some calm and that's what really drew me to the ISTP. I would get hyper about something usually a task that was technical and he would bring calm and practical solutions even the way he moved was so purposeful and composed. The only time he was really uninhibited was when we were physical and I liked to watch the switch of gears. It was always like Fire meet gasoline.

I know several ENFP and ISTJs. Its not the best relationship. Its one of settling while never really having the important needs met. Its a relationship of rationalization. ISTJs are good solid people, but thier negative side will drive you and it will be one of rollercoaster highs and lows until you find that rationalization. Rollercoaster is more something an EJ can actually handle better then an EP. Though EJs will have more ups and downs, it drains them less. It can and will destroy an EPs soul.

Your better off with INTJ. Ni scope creep doesnt matter as much to Dom Ne as Si scope creep does. It has a disconnect to the world which is perfectly fine with ENFP as they lead with possibilities which "possibilities" itself has an inherent disconnect to the world. Problems will not be clearly seen by either side which can be likened to "ignorance is bliss", but it really just means that they rear their heads in ways that are not clearly seen/accepted. One of rationalization, but its one that leads to i cant handle S while i can handle N stereotype.

Find someone who when you tell them what you want they both try to meet it continuosly and they also meet it to a minimum standard. You have to listen to yourself to find that minimum for you. Talk it out, you do good with a soundboard and solve problems yourself. Dont get trapped in self-defense, it ends up defense of ego and not really "full self". Figure out what you want and go after it...plenty of fish in the sea. Dont allow yourself to get stuck in "known" for sake of future. While ENFPs will always look towards possibilities, they have this innate sense to fall into comfort that doesnt really allow them to reach where they want to go. Basically repeating lifes cycles with known self-defenses and rationalization.

 

[Abcdenfp]

I know several ENFP and ISTJs. Its not the best relationship. Its one of settling while never really having the important needs met. Its a relationship of rationalization. ISTJs are good solid people, but thier negative side will drive you and it will be one of rollercoaster highs and lows until you find that rationalization. Rollercoaster is more something an EJ can actually handle better then an EP. Though EJs will have more ups and downs, it drains them less. It can and will destroy an EPs soul. Your better off with INTJ. Ni scope creep doesnt matter as much to Dom Ne as Si scope creep does. It has a disconnect to the world which is perfectly fine with ENFP as they lead with possibilities which "possibilities" itself has an inherent disconnect to the world. Problems will not be clearly seen by either side which can be likened to "ignorance is bliss", but it really just means that they rear their heads in ways that are not clearly seen/accepted. One of rationalization, but its one that leads to i cant handle S while i can handle N stereotype. Find someone who when you tell them what you want they both try to meet it continuosly and they also meet it to a minimum standard. You have to listen to yourself to find that minimum for you. Talk it out, you do good with a soundboard and solve problems yourself. Dont get trapped in self-defense, it ends up defense of ego and not really "full self". Figure out what you want and go after it...plenty of fish in the sea. Dont allow yourself to get stuck in "known" for sake of future. While ENFPs will always look towards possibilities, they have this innate sense to fall into comfort that doesnt really allow them to reach where they want to go. Basically repeating lifes cycles with known self-defenses and rationalization.

Thank you so much for this. It was incredibly insightful and really got to the heart of the matter for me 🤝

 

[Starry]

Lol you know what's so strange I have always been able to multi task when it comes to dating, it's like I will subconsciously seek out another person to fill in the gap where the other person is lacking. I can enjoy them separately. I think also because I have this "soul mate" enfp quest going on which is really annoying I will become disillusioned when I realize that someone doesn't tick off all the boxes in my mind. But I have a hard time ending things. Weird. I don't know if that helps explain? I'm a sexually liberal person that may help explain?

I told you in rep that I completely missed this and thanked you... but I want to thank you again for trusting my question was straightforward/genuine and answering it from that place (while I'm in no way alone in this I get a good number of responses that bypass what I said and go straight to the heart of "what I really meant" It is exhausting and since I thought I might be in a high risk area here...I now think you're the coolest and not just because you've got two STPs).

It helps me to understand myself better when communicating with another ENFP where there are some substantial differences. And while I am in all ways a prude - this is true. The sex aspect...that's not it. It's because I'm a big ass sea of emotion and can't separate the two which I think is really strange (although with how impulsive and unable to defer gratification I am this kind of brake is probably a godsend or I'd probably be bangin every dude that would bang me idk.). I also don't understand how someone that is as iNtuition heavy as I am can be this 'big ass sea of emotion' but whatever I just wanted to explain why I asked in the first place.

If you know your instinctual variant do tell. so/sx? And thank you again.

 

[Starry]

Oh and I was going to say about soulmate quest...it's always the boxes you can't tick off because you didn't know you needed them that you'll love the most.

 

[Abcdenfp]

I told you in rep that I completely missed this and thanked you... but I want to thank you again for trusting my question was straightforward/genuine and answering it from that place (while I'm in no way alone in this I get a good number of responses that bypass what I said and go straight to the heart of "what I really meant" It is exhausting and since I thought I might be in a high risk area here...I now think you're the coolest and not just because you've got two STPs). It helps me to understand myself better when communicating with another ENFP where there are some substantial differences. And while I am in all ways a prude - this is true. The sex aspect...that's not it. It's because I'm a big ass sea of emotion and can't separate the two which I think is really strange (although with how impulsive and unable to defer gratification I am this kind of brake is probably a godsend or I'd probably be bangin every dude that would bang me idk.). I also don't understand how someone that is as iNtuition heavy as I am can be this 'big ass sea of emotion' but whatever I just wanted to explain why I asked in the first place. If you know your instinctual variant do tell. so/sx? And thank you again.

I knew you were being genuine. And I appreciated the question. It's hard for me too I'm a big ass sea of emotion, I feel everything so deeply. I am moved by the most random things. I feel connected to everyone at times (and then am over come with emotion) I have a hard time watching people experience negative things (even on tv if someone is about to be embarrassed I can't watch I'll turn it off). and I kind of think I that I keep things casual and have more than one partner at times because I'm afraid to concentrate all the emotions on one person. The ISTP made me want to explore that. But I just can't so I left them both.
I don't know how to tell what my variant is I think I'm turbulent is that what you me the T at the end ? I'm ENFP -T

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I have realized that I liked the slowed down version, and I totally agree with the needing a partner that an align the thoughts and ideas. I was pondering that last night, maybe a ISTJ?. I know I need someone to Bring some calm and that's what really drew me to the ISTP. I would get hyper about something usually a task that was technical and he would bring calm and practical solutions even the way he moved was so purposeful and composed. The only time he was really uninhibited was when we were physical and I liked to watch the switch of gears. It was always like Fire meet gasoline.

You're looking for someone to bring calm? You haven't defined your own yet. That's really important. If you haven't then STP/NFP will be very rocky.

 

[Abcdenfp]

You're looking for someone to bring calm? You haven't defined your own yet. That's really important. If you haven't then STP/NFP will be very rocky.

What I really mean is I know I don't need more chaos like with the ESTP everything is 100 miles per minute , I need someone who stops and Thinks.

 

[Poki]

What I really mean is I know I don't need more chaos like with the ESTP everything is 100 miles per minute , I need someone who stops and Thinks.

Reminds me of my ENFP GF saying...i felt like i had to be the man in all my previous relationships. They were like emotionally challenged men-childs. In all honesty...you get what you accept and what you look for. You still have alot to learn in the field of people recognition. The inferior Si makes it a slower process as the details trigger interest or an intuitiveness you cant put your finger on so it can be analyzed away and supressed. Your not looking for good/bad, your looking for what works for you personality wise. While you can change actions, personality is here to stay. For example, i dont expect my GF to stop doing what she is doing, we work through things and find that balance. Sometimes i give in, sometimes she does. Our process though functionwise is completely different our personality allows us to find that middle ground when we need to in a way that works.

Some do this through hints, or some through talking to others, some do it through talking with each other. Lets take me for example, i do not follow the "norm" so talking to others WILL screw some up when working with me. Because i dont apply to the "man" stereotype much. this doesnt mean i wont do something a stereotypical man does...it means you cant really pull meaning or anything forward or backward from my action based on "stereotypical". My ex tried talking to others...she used her own screwed up perception combined with others "typical man" to understand me. She had an ENFP friend married to an ISTJ husband and tried to use him to explain me...we are so different function wise she missed every reasoning though she wouod have nailed someone else. She had a chance in hell that was so slim it was like playing the lottery. She just expected me to know which didnt work because she didnt like all of who she was...so my uncanny ability to understand people royally pissed her off when i tried to work with her. The dance personality wise was nothing but stepping on toes horribly wrong.

Current ENFP steps on toes left and right, but its nothing for me to learn and do a combination of accept, not care, as well as interact with her in a way that works. In a dance it would go something like knowing she is gonna step on my toe so i have more control of her next move as i have control of where she is placed by moving my foot kind of thing.