It is more of a personal standard for me and those close to me than a statement of how everyone should be considered. It's not a standard I'd hold anyone I didn't deeply care about to.
In any case, yes, I would rather be around a bad man who does good things than a good man who does bad ones. 'Cause duh.
I totally agree with this. I think in the end you have to figure what effect the person has on you, and whether or not you feel its worth it... A person who intends to help you feel better and keeps poking you in a raw cut is infinitely less bearable than one who doesn't give a puck and lets you heal in peace...
I tell you with absolute sureness my mother never wanted to hurt me. However, she's fucking nuts.
You can intuit she believes she is a good mother, and she wants the best for her precious children. She's very convicted on that front. Absolutely FULL of good intentions, not a bad one in her.
There are some people for whom intent emphatically does not matter. Those are people I wish to avoid.
For me a persons intent is a second thought.. Its kind of what I reflect on after I get away from a situation, the other persons intent only comes into play when I am in a relaxed state, and am looking back at a situation...
All people have one intent - which is to feel better. So many people who do horrible things just want to be loved, they just want to finally be understood, they want relief from whatever they are suffering... In the end, in the pursuit to feel good, what do they do? They torture, they maim, they attack, they spit in your lunch while preparing it... cause they are overworked, underpaid, their parent just died, their kid is on drugs... whatever...
Of course, if we are thinking about the overall well being of larger groups of people... people who do better things are better for the population overall. And people who mean well (well intentioned but oh so wishing they could stop the pain that is their life) but can't help but to curse people out and do illegal things is considered worse for the population.
I like to give people a break if they are well intentioned... But when you are authentic, and doing hurtful things to others who gives a muck? I don't... and I don't want to be near you. I would rather be around a person who is just selfish, and generally does not do horrid stuff... So I am caring about me in that case... Which is generally important.
I think an interesting question is
are all actions selfish? I do believe they are. I also believe that if you don't care about yourself, and constantly give to people who are not interested in alleviating their pain without hurting others... then you probably have a messed up sense of self. The intention only matters when the person is willing to look at their actions, and think about the effect it has on others... So if this person, whose intent is only to love... and be loved... cause ever since they were little t
hey whatever... and their mommy whatever... keeps locking people up in their dungeon... I don't care about their intention...
Care if you care, but in the end if its not reciprocated, and a person is not willing to change a hurtful behavior,
forgetaboutit! Of course the nutso locking people in his basement had a mom that used him as an astray etc... I dare say most monsters had some kind of "monstrous" upbringing... Every person I ever met that was a hurtful monster has had a horrid upbringing and been a horrid crybaby about it.