this.
i agree, there isnt alot to be so dang happy about.
my mother had a talk with me yesterday, stating how i have changed and basically my family wants nothing to do with me anymore. cool. anyway.. she said things like "you used to be so care free and silly, obnoxious and outgoing, hang out with friends and talk alot."
i mean goodness.. if my happiness to others means im to sit in the middle of a bunch of people with a big phony smile on my face.. i think id be more depressed than i already am. its like people assume youre a fcuking psychopath and dont know how to deal with you, hence my family backing off and not wanting anything to do with me. its true, i dont talk as much, i dont hang out with friends as much, im less frivolous and silly. do i have to act that way for people to assume im normal? is it so much maturing and discovering yourself over 'youve changed cause youre depressed'. its like realizing how you are. not looking through rose coloured glasses. ive seen the world with my true eyes and theres a frickton of stuff to not be so happy about.
I guess the thing here is just basically some people see the world with the glass half empty, and let themselves feel it. i mean really let themselves see how it is and know how it is. and then theres people who dont dare to look at a newspaper because it will ruin their day of being faux-happy.
people like myself and Tycho can be happy. given a situation that we like to be put in we would be enjoying ourselves fully. thats, i think, a common misconception. we let ourselves feel. were not fake with our emotions.
but then theres the question of what youre supposed to tell people who dont want to deal with you anymore? [ie my family]
As a mother, sometimes it's extremely difficult to watch your children go through really difficult things; especially something you have no control over, like a depressive episode. If it's been going on a while, and she has tried to 'help' you through it, or made suggestions that she has not seen you follow, she might feel so overwhelmed and out of control, that she falls back into the only way she can deal with it, which is sadly, and perhaps (probably) subconsciously to control the situation by exerting even more pressure on you to change your behavior. Maybe she simply cannot handle her world being topsy-turvy and needs some distance from the depression and the sadness that she sees in you; maybe your depression triggers something in her own pysche from her own life that is just too difficult for her to deal with up close.
Did she actually say she didn't want anything to do with you? I know how I can be when I'm feeling rejected; I can read all kinds of things into what someone tells me, almost as a self-fulfilling prophecy of rejection, but when I actually re-read, or re-listen to them, I see I was just being overly sensitive because of my own fears.
so it kinda like, fricks your live over?
how did you guys get past it?
like when you should feel happy, did you?
i dont think ive ever felt as bad as i do now. the single event that could have changed my life for the better just happened a few days ago. i sure as fck know i should be happy right now but honest to god i cant focus on anything but negativity.
I'm kinda curious about what that single event was, if you care to share.
edit: Also, I'm actually one of those people who can't--or chooses not to--regularly read the news. I have some ideas about the news; including the notion that we aren't necessarily supposed to be inundated with that much bad news everyday. Looking at the amount of depression in our country, who's to say I am wrong? Anyway, there must be a balance between how much we take in and how much we put forth, for us to be healthy. If we are always taking in, but never putting forth, or acting on being benevolent, no matter how small that gesture might be, we might find ourselves negatively imbalanced, and narcissistic. Likewise, if we are always putting forth, but never taking in, we deplete ourselves, which doesn't help anyone. We must learn this balance for ourselves as we are all different. And sometimes that just takes more time for some than others.